Kylie Lee | Slash fan fiction

DAY 2

"I can't believe you kissed him," Rodney McKay hissed. "Jeez! In front of everyone."

I thought I was going to die, Cadman said reasonably.

"Check it out. Not dead."

She sounded almost cheerful. But still in your head.

McKay closed his eyes. He still felt stunned from the aftereffects of the attempt to get Laura Cadman's consciousness out of his head—the failed attempt, he amended. He'd been so sure it would work. It had been his idea to use the Gate to dematerialize him and then rematerialize them both. But as Zelenka had been pointing out with depressing regularity and honesty, lately, McKay's quick, brilliant mind was neither quick or brilliant. It was somehow Cadman's fault, McKay felt, that he could no longer follow through, that he could no longer do simple math.

"They should have Gated the mouse," he said at last. They'd skipped that step. McKay had insisted that they proceed with his brilliant plan.

Cadman huffed a laugh. Hindsight is 20/20.

"I'm sure Dr. Zelenka will come up with something," McKay said, but he was aware of how hollow the words sounded. "And might I say that you seem a tad cheerful for someone whose body is gone."

It's just missing from the buffer, Cadman reminded him. Dr. Zelenka backed it up.

McKay rubbed his head. He and Cadman had been kept overnight for observation, and both Carson Beckett and Kate Heightmeyer had been to visit, each with his or her own agenda. "We're talking terabytes of data to store your body. It's likely incomplete, unless Dr. Zelenka backed it up to the Ancient database, which would have involved some pretty spectacular computer coding and jury-rigging." Had Zelenka done those things? Had he even thought to ask?

Cadman sighed. Can't you just lie to me? Tell me everything will be okay?

"No. Because everything probably won't. This isn't some TV show, where the hero fixes it at the absolute last second and everything is—is just fine. I'm sure they got a lot of information from the failed attempt, and if we can just hang on, we'll go again." McKay tried to sit up but found he couldn't. "Cadman, cut the crap," he warned. "I can help. I'm the one who thought of using the Gate to reintegrate your consciousness with your body. It's our best bet so far. It almost worked. Dr. Zelenka needs me to work out the bugs."

Oh, the idea that didn't work? Cadman said snidely, and with a sharp jerk, McKay found himself lying back and staring up at the ceiling. Dr. Beckett said to stay here until he released us, remember?

"Would you not do that?" McKay complained, but he gave up the struggle to rise. She had gotten frighteningly good at hijacking his body. "Details. That was just a dry run. And the failed Gate attempt bought us more time, didn't it?"

McKay shut his eyes as Cadman said, Oh, yay, another whole day and a half before we start deteriorating again. I can just see it: the scientists struggle. It takes longer than they think. And every day and a half, we repeat the reboot, to buy us time for them to figure out how to fix this mess, and we swap off deferring to the other person to slow the inevitable decline. Rodney, this could go on for years."

"Laura—" McKay began, just as Cadman exploded, And for god's sake, would you please open your eyes? I want to look at something! Anything!

"Fine." McKay opened his eyes and flinched as Beckett leaned over him. McKay hadn't heard his footsteps—Cadman's fault, he thought resentfully. She never shut up. Beckett looked earnestly worried, which gave McKay no information, because Beckett always looked earnestly worried. "Dr. Beckett," McKay said, manufacturing a smile.

Cadman, with a kind of lascivious appreciation that Rodney had been unaware women were capable of, said, Now, that's more like it. A much better view. Much, much better.

"Sorry, Rodney, I didn't mean to startle you," Beckett apologized. "Or is it Lieutenant Cadman this morning?"

"Carson. Hi." Rodney gave a fake smile. "News? Let's hear some good news."

"The good news is, you're stable for now and I'm releasing you just after I run some final tests. The bad news is that Dr. Heightmeyer and I expect the same physiological declines as before, but at a faster pace."

"Quicker? You're saying a quicker decline?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying, Rodney."

McKay narrowed his eyes. "How did you know it was me?"

"You talk much faster than Lieutenant Cadman."

He can call me Laura, Cadman cut in. Tell him he can call me Laura.

"I'm not going to tell him he can call you Laura," McKay snapped.

Beckett raised his eyebrows. "Laura? Er—is that you, Lieutenant?"

"That kind of thing is just inappropriate," McKay continued. "Flirt on your own time."

Does that mean I get my own time? Cadman asked sweetly.

"Who's—what?" Beckett said. Between the big kiss Cadman had laid on him (in McKay's body) right before the failed attempt to reintegrate her consciousness with her body and McKay's not-so-cryptic comments, Beckett had finally figured out that Cadman had a thing for him. McKay silently congratulated him.

"I feel I should tell you that Laura Cadman thinks you're quite the man," McKay said. He pitched his voice louder to drown out Cadman, who started sputtering, McKay, damn it, don't you dare—I can't believe—shut up, for god's sake! "I think she's planning on asking you out when she's reintegrated with her body. And might I say, I think you'll find her, just as I do, utterly charming!" He had to roar the last two words over Cadman's screeching.

Beckett patted McKay's hand. "There, there, Rodney," he said comfortingly. "It's best to just calm down."

"Your body hasn't been hijacked by a woman with a big crush on a man," McKay said. And Beckett didn't have to listen to her comments about him.

Beckett looked remarkably calm and unmoved. "True," he said. "I'd like to do a quick CT scan, if you don't mind, and then off you go."

"Not at all, not at all," McKay said, just as Cadman said, God, I love that accent. Keep him talking, would you, McKay?

McKay knew what would happen if he said, "Carson, please talk more so Lieutenant Cadman can listen to your accent," so instead, as Beckett helped him out of bed, he said, "Don't you think one of us had better, you know, kind of fade into the background? To slow the inevitable decline?" He batted at the tie at the back of his neck, realizing he wore nothing but a hospital gown, completely open down the back.

"Dr. Heightmeyer has suggested that would be wise," Beckett agreed. "Or at least you shouldn't struggle for control—we want to minimize the reappearance of those seizures you experienced last time. Left here to the imaging suite, please. Oops, here we go." He grabbed McKay as McKay lurched to the side. "Just through here, Rodney."

"Cadman," McKay warned under his breath, because she'd lurched deliberately. He saw her plan. She wanted Beckett to press against her body, so she had pretended to lose her balance. It had worked, because there Beckett was, right there, giving him that annoying concerned look even while he steadied McKay with an arm around him. She was probably enjoying the warm press of Beckett's body against McKay's right now. If she kept lurching, Beckett would never release him. He'd run more tests if he thought McKay's motor skills had gone to hell.

Slow the inevitable decline, Cadman said snidely. What, trying to get rid of me?

McKay lurched again, which made Beckett, in an attempt to get a grip, slide a warm hand underneath the ridiculous gown, along his back, to grab his side and pull him close. "Rodney?"

McKay looked into Beckett's blue eyes—concerned and professional, as usual—and quickly looked away. He didn't want to give Cadman the pleasure of gazing into Beckett's eyes. "Nothing, nothing. I'm fine." Was Cadman trying to get Beckett to feel him up? Or was she just punishing him because he irritated her? "Can you please let me go? Your hands—your hands are cold."

Beckett didn't let go. "You don't seem fine."

"Well, I am."

"I can get a wheelchair if you like."

"Good god, no."

You're not fine, Cadman interrupted. Three o'clock—take a look.

"Oh, dear lord," McKay said the identity of the person hurrying down the corridor registered.

"Indeed," Beckett said, his grin of welcome looking a little artificial. He finally let go of McKay. "Dr. Brown. How nice to see you again."

"Dr. Brown—Katie," McKay said. He didn't think his smile came out right, and he was horribly conscious that his hospital gown left little to the imagination. He swung around so he met Brown face-on in an attempt to conceal his bare ass from her. "Yes, how nice to see you."

The flowers, Cadman cut in. She brought you flowers. How sweet. Where the heck did she get flowers?

McKay took the cue. He pointed. "Are those—are those for me?"

Brown looked down at the bouquet she was holding as if she'd forgotten she was carrying it. "Yes—yes, they are," she said. She looked a little pink. "I'm sorry, Dr. Beckett, should I come back later?"

"We're just going to the imaging suite," Beckett said. "We'll be back in a few minutes' time. You can wait in the examination room if you like."

"Is it—is it anything serious?" Brown asked. "I know when you were at dinner yesterday that you said you had to go. Is it because you're sick?"

"Sick—sick isn't really the right word," McKay said, as Cadman marveled, Another chance after that disaster of a dinner! She must really like you. McKay continued, "No, no, I wouldn't say sick per se, no, not really."

"Just some tests," Beckett said firmly. "We'll just be a tick. Back before you know it."

"I can't really wait," Brown said. "I'm on duty in ten minutes. I just wanted to drop by to say hi and make sure everything was okay."

"That's, that's, that's just great," McKay babbled. "Really, um, thoughtful of you. Really. Thoughtful."

For heaven's sake, Cadman said as Brown smiled. Let me. Come on. You like her! I know you like her. I can take another one for the team.

McKay was aware his smile had fixed and the silence was stretching. He couldn't say anything to Cadman because Brown would hear. And he couldn't think of anything to say to Brown.

Rodney, give it up, Cadman ordered. Now! I can salvage this.

"I am so going to regret this," McKay muttered, and he shut his eyes and released control. The sad truth was that Cadman could do better than him with Katie Brown.

When Cadman opened them a second later, McKay watched as his hand reached out and took the flowers. "They're beautiful, just like you," he heard his voice say.

Oh, lord, McKay moaned in horror, but nothing came out. Cadman had control.

"I'm so sorry I had to leave dinner early, but I was hoping I could make it up to you. How about dinner at my place tonight? I don't have your talent with salads, but I think I can come up with something. And this time, I think Dr. Beckett can trust us alone together." Cadman turned smoothly. "Right, Carson?"

"Aye, absolutely," Beckett said on cue. His brow had furrowed. He knew something was up.

"That sounds—that sounds great," Brown said. She had a fabulous smile, and McKay admired her autumnal coloring, all reds and browns and creams. She'd also done well in her graduate work, with a doctorate with honors from Yale. She'd done her postdoc with Dr. Seymour Fine—some really impressive work, and some important publications, too. McKay couldn't believe that he hadn't thought to ask her about her research at dinner last night. "You're sure?"

"Oh, yes," Cadman said. "I really need to make it up to you." McKay shuddered at the smarminess of her tone, but Brown ate it up. Cadman leaned in, and McKay tried to shut his eyes but couldn't. He was forced to watch as Cadman gave Brown a light kiss. "Until tonight." The next kiss was a little longer, and when Cadman pulled away, Brown was gazing soulfully into her eyes. "Wow," Cadman whispered, and she stepped forward, took Brown into her arms, and went for it. Luckily, Cadman shut her eyes, so McKay didn't have to watch, but the sensation was bad enough: the press of lips against lips; the gentle play of Cadman's—his—McKay's—tongue; Brown's response; the light, teasing nips that escalated into a warm, deep-mouthed kiss—

"Hrm," Beckett said pointedly.

"Right," Cadman said, opening her eyes and stepping back. "Katie. Let's say six o'clock?"

"Six is great," Brown said. She looked limp and happy. "Bye."

Cadman waved with the hand that still held the flowers. "Bye."

All three of them watched Brown turn around and leave. The minute she rounded the corner, Cadman, looking down at her—McKay's—body, said, "Oh, god, I didn't expect that."

It's a purely physiological response, McKay snapped. Taking one for the team? At least make it seem like a hardship. You enjoyed that way too much.

"Did she feel it? Do you think she felt it?"

"What?" Beckett said. "Lieutenant? Is that you?"

Cadman swung the flowers down so they covered a strategic part of her anatomy. "Yes, it's me," she said. "I'm trying to help Rodney out with Katie. But there are limits."

"Limits?" Beckett asked, urging Cadman forward again. The walk to the imaging suite was only a few hundred feet. It was as though Brown had been lying in wait.

She probably felt it, McKay said. I mean, we're wearing practically nothing, and you had her in a pretty tight clinch.

"I will kiss. Kissing is fine. And of course I'll take over at dinner tonight, so it's not a total disaster. But nothing more than that. It's bad enough, walking around having to go the bathroom really bad all the time because Dr. McKay here doesn't want to whip it out in front of a girl. I don't even want to contemplate sex."

I barely know her! McKay yelled. I am not going to have sex with someone I barely know.

"You're a man. Of course you're going to have sex with someone you barely know. Were you there for that kiss? You're probably going to get lucky tonight."

Shit, McKay moaned. I'm not going to get lucky tonight, you are, because I have no intention of going. He didn't mind getting lucky, but he did mind getting lucky with Cadman along for the ride.

"You have to go. It's your body."

I'm planning on napping, McKay informed her.

"I thought I'd take you right up to the making out, and then you could step in. No words required. You have slept with a woman before, haven't you?"

Beckett opened the door to the imaging suite. "I don't think I should be listening to this deeply personal conversation."

Of course I've slept with a woman, McKay snapped.

"He says he's slept with a woman," Cadman reported to Beckett. "I'm sure you've been wondering. I know I have."

He doesn't need to know that! McKay screeched. Too much information! Shut up!

"Aren't you curious, Carson?" Cadman asked as the door to the imaging suite shut behind them. McKay noticed that she had taken to calling him Carson. It struck him as impertinent. After all, she'd just shown up on Atlantis. She didn't have the deep bond that those who'd been there for a year beforehand had. They had all grown into colleagues and, yes, friends. She didn't know him well enough to call him Carson. "A woman's take on what it feels like in a man's body? Tiresias's question answered? Surely there's a little professional curiosity there."

Beckett pointed at the gantry, and Cadman seated herself, adjusting her gown and placing the bouquet across her lap to hide the bulge. "No, not really. Tiresias told us the answer. May I hold the flowers for you?" Beckett had to pry them out of her hand. "Thank you. Lie back, please."

"No," Cadman said.

"No?"

"Were you not listening? McKay has a—a—"

"I'll just be in the other room," Beckett said hastily. "The microphone is on if you need to say anything. Just lie back and relax. Rodney, this procedure will add 10 millisieverts to your lifetime radiation exposure."

"I'm driving today," Cadman called after Beckett as he exited. "Me. Laura." She arranged herself, palms up, gantry cold against her back. "Don't they have Ancient technology that will do this better?" she wondered.

You can ask Dr. Beckett, McKay said. I'm going to get some sleep.

"Good. It makes it easier for me. Plus—big date tonight." The gantry started to tremble, and a second later, it started to slide into the imager. "I'll just get you started, and then you leap on in."

You're only getting to drive today because I have no intention of going on that date, and Dr. Heightmeyer was pretty adamant yesterday that we not struggle for control, McKay warned her. Heightmeyer was worried that as each perfected the art of hijacking the body from the other, more seizures would result, even though they'd bought time with the Gate reset. They hadn't had a seizure yet this round, but if Cadman continued behaving so inappropriately and outrageously while driving his body, McKay couldn't be responsible for his actions. It killed him to sit back quietly—and apparently, Cadman felt the same way. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Cadman sighed and shut her eyes as the machine began to buzz. "Rodney, that's the whole point—doing what you won't do."

No, I think that for you, the whole point is putting me in an impossible situation and watching the fun as I try to get out of it, Rodney snapped.

"Well, there is that," Cadman admitted. "Look, I know you really like Katie. I promise I will not screw it up for you."

McKay didn't answer. He didn't trust Cadman. And he got along fine with Katie when she was being Dr. Brown and they had to talk business. In fact, he hadn't really noticed how attractive she was until she'd asked him out. He usually went for blondes. It struck him that Cadman was blonde—even rather pretty, especially with her hair down—and he pushed down the image of himself and Cadman, together, after Cadman got her body back. Well, they knew each other intimately—or rather, she knew him intimately. It was all too incestuously disturbing to contemplate.

"But I do want some payback," Cadman continued.

Why am I not surprised, McKay muttered. Let me guess. Our Dr. Beckett?

"Did you smell him?" Cadman said dreamily.

Certainly not.

"Well, I did, and he smells great."

He can hear you.

"I'm whispering, and the machine is making noise."

"Not that much noise." The gantry whirred as it ejected them from the imaging chamber and switched itself off. "See?"

Cadman folded her hands over her stomach. "So I thought today I'd go running, have some lunch, and get ready for dinner tonight. Did you have anything planned?"

I wouldn't mind a few hours with Dr. Zelenka, McKay said. Must we run?

Cadman turned her head as the door opened and Beckett came back in. "We must if you want a few hours with Dr. Zelenka." She waved at Beckett. "How is everything?" she asked.

"I need to interpret the data," Beckett said. "If you could just lie back for another moment, Lieutenant." He brandished a device the size of a calculator. "An Ancient scanner. I'm calibrating its findings with those of Earth's diagnostic equipment."

"How interesting," Cadman said as Beckett walked around her slowly, holding the device over her and frowning at the readout. "I'd love to hear how they compare. Maybe over lunch?"

Laura! McKay warned, even as he felt Cadman grin.

"I'm afraid I already have lunch plans," Beckett said, apparently distracted with the readings. It was masterful, McKay thought, how he could deflect her parries without seeming impolite. Beckett clearly got lot of women patients with crushes on him. He was no doubt an expert. "Very good. Up now."

As Cadman conveniently stumbled when she jumped down, once again forcing Beckett to steady her, she ostentatiously leaned in and sniffed deeply. McKay had to admit that she was right. Beckett smelled really good. He was surprised he hadn't noticed it before.

***

"I do not understand your question," Zelenka said, frowning at his laptop's screen. "A smell?"

"Like a—a scent," McKay said. "What a—what a woman smells like." Or a man.

"I have not given it any thought," Zelenka said.

"Well, neither had I, but Cadman notices smells. Maybe it's a girl thing." McKay hit a button and leaned back as the simulation began to run, then sat up again as his back complained. He wasn't used to running. He didn't think Cadman had stretched enough after her incredibly vigorous workout. He was amazed he could still walk. Mercifully, Cadman was taking a nap, so she wasn't back-seat driving. McKay planned to head back to his room an hour and a half before Katie Brown was due to come over, so he could fall asleep. Today was one day where he could absolutely not afford to get caught up in work and stay late.

"Whom does Lieutenant Cadman smell?" Zelenka asked curiously.

"Dr. Beckett." McKay crossed his arms, studying the screen intently so he didn't have to look at Zelenka.

"Dr. Beckett?" Zelenka repeated. "And what is his smell?"

McKay pondered. "I don't know. Hair gel, probably. Aftershave lotion? No. It can't be that. He doesn't seem to shave. So it can't be shaving cream, either. Shampoo. Maybe fabric softener." Now that he thought about it, none of those scents seemed right. He leaned forward as the simulation finished. "At last, progress," he said.

"I have progress too." Zelenka pointed at his screen. "This should permit us to retrieve Lieutenant Cadman's body from the backup."

McKay pushed off from his work station and rolled over to Zelenka's. "Looks good," he admitted. "But the consciousnesses have been divorced from the bodies. So how do we get hers in her body and mine in my body?"

"That is next." Zelenka looked up as someone came on. "Ah. Dr. Beckett." He ducked his head and started to chuckle.

"What? What's wrong?" Beckett asked, looking from Zelenka to McKay and back again.

"Oh, it's Cadman," McKay said.

"Is she here?" Beckett said, trying, McKay thought, not to look alarmed.

"No, you can relax. She's asleep," McKay said.

"Good," Beckett said, adding hastily, "Although she seems a lovely girl."

"Yes. Lovely. That's just the word. And I'm sure that once she's back in her body, you'll be very happy together." McKay gave Beckett an artificial grin.

"Yes, well, I've come to see whether we can schedule your next Gate trip," Beckett said.

Zelenka said, "We are not yet ready with the new parameters."

"We need to do a reset run, then," Beckett said. "By tomorrow evening at the latest. Earlier would be better."

"We schedule for eleven in the morning, then," Zelenka proposed. "That will give us enough time to test these new settings with the mice tonight and study the results."

McKay nodded. "Mice. Yes. Good. Mice." It was important not to skip that step. He knew that now.

"And if the mice do not work, then we use the same settings as before for a reset," Zelenka concluded.

McKay shook his head. "Cadman said something about that this morning. She thought that we'd spend years hitting reset, trying to keep me alive and relatively stable until we can figure out how to get her consciousness out of my body." He hated to think that she was right, but her words now seemed prophetic.

"Ah, well, I'm afraid you don't have years," Beckett said. "The results of today's two scans are in. Even though you're not struggling for control today, the rate of decline is about the same."

"So I'm getting worse." McKay wasn't really surprised. "I haven't had any seizures today. I'd like to point that out."

Beckett seemed noncommittal. "We'll know more after you go through the Gate tomorrow. But a few more rounds of this, and you'll be spending all your time in hospital."

Zelenka stood up. "I will go speak with Dr. Weir about the schedule," he announced.

"What?" McKay demanded when Zelenka paused at the door.

Zelenka turned and rejoined them. "Dr. Weir has a smell," he said.

Beckett looked confused. "I beg your pardon?"

"A scent. She has a scent," McKay corrected. "What does she smell like?"

"I do not know. Like herself." Zelenka leaned into Beckett and sniffed. "Not hair gel," he said as Beckett edged away.

"Hey," McKay protested, because Zelenka smelled him next.

"Skin. Soap," Zelenka announced. "Do I have a scent?"

McKay grudgingly took a whiff. "No, not really," he said. "Soap, I guess. You smell really neutral to me." It struck him that Zelenka's neutral smell was quite unlike the scent that characterized Beckett, which McKay, no doubt under the influence of Cadman, had perceived as explosively positive.

"Neutral is better than bad," Zelenka said philosophically. "All right then. Eleven o'clock tomorrow morning."

There was a short silence after he left. "Why is Dr. Zelenka smelling people?" Beckett asked.

"Oh, just a conversation we were having before you got here." McKay waved a hand to dismiss it. "What makes a person's scent as it is. Hair gel. Soap. Aftershave. Shaving cream." Before he was quite aware of it, he'd gotten up and sniffed Beckett, who frowned but didn't move away. "Hmm." There it was again: that scent, with an undertone of musk. Its contrast with Zelenka's not-scent struck him. "I think it's your skin," he said thoughtfully, leaning in to sniff again. "It's really quite pleasant."

Beckett pushed him away. "Rodney. Stop it, please."

"Do I smell good?" McKay wondered.

"I have no idea," Beckett said. "Actually, I came by to do another scan—"

"Yes yes yes," McKay said impatiently. "Can you smell me? Come on."

"Oh, your date tonight with Katie Brown." Beckett looked relieved, as though he'd figured out a method to McKay's madness.

"Katie Brown?" McKay frowned at Beckett. He'd forgotten all about her. "Yes. Of course. Katie. I'm a—I'm a bundle of nerves."

"Well then." Beckett's nose brushed McKay's neck as he took a deep breath. "You smell just fine."

"Just fine? What does that mean?"

"It means—just fine."

"Neutral? Am I neutral, like Zelenka?"

Beckett cocked his head. "I wouldn't say neutral. Warm. You smell—warm."

"Soap? Do I smell like soap?"

"No, more like—like—" Beckett sniffed again, his nose lingering a little longer this time, and McKay suddenly found it hard to breathe. "Musk, I suppose. A kind of animal underscent."

"Warm and musky?"

"Yes, I'd say warm and musky." Beckett nodded. "It's—nice."

"Good. That's—good. Good," McKay managed, because the explosion of scent that was Beckett had somehow wormed its way into his head.

"I assume this has something to do with Lieutenant Cadman?" Beckett prompted.

"Yes, she notices people's scents."

"Ah."

"So do you want to—" McKay began, just as Beckett said, "About that scan—"

It was too bad Cadman was asleep, McKay thought as he stood with his arms outstretched, as though he was being wanded at an airport security check, so Beckett could do his scan with the little Ancient device. She would have liked Beckett's nose brushing her neck, the feeling of warmth emanating from Beckett's body, his proximity. Really, it was wasted on McKay, just as the kiss she'd laid on Beckett the other day had been wasted on him—it had been so quick and unerotic, just a hard press of lips against lips, more of a message than a proper kiss.

McKay watched Beckett poke at the Ancient device and mutter. If it happened again—if Cadman kissed Beckett while being aware of Beckett's scent—

He felt a warm flush creep up his body. He really needed to not think about this, especially when Beckett had a medical scanning device that was switched on. Cadman was the one with the thing for Beckett. It had just bled over into his consciousness, that was it, which was all the more reason for them to get them each in the proper body, before McKay—that is, before Cadman—did something stupid. He had a date with Katie Brown.

But it was his body. Cadman wanted payback. If she took one for the team with Katie Brown, he'd have to take one for the team with Beckett.

"Rodney?" Beckett asked, McKay's name sounding unlike itself on Beckett's lips, with Beckett's accent, like it was a private name that only Beckett used—which was ridiculous. It just came out that way when Beckett talked.

McKay blinked. "Yes?"

"We're done. You can put your arms down now."

"Right." McKay lowered his arms.

"I've been thinking." Beckett pocketed the device. "Hadn't you better tell Dr. Brown about your—problem?"

"And let her know that the man she thinks is her romantic hero is in fact a woman?"

"Well, yes."

"I think not."

Beckett shook his head. "What if you have to do a reset? What if this goes on for a few more rounds?"

"Then we'll tell her. But I'm confident that Dr. Zelenka and I can get Cadman's body out of storage and rematerialize it." McKay frowned at Beckett. "You won't tell her, will you?"

"No, of course not," Beckett assured him. "Patient information of that nature is confidential. But I don't see how you can keep it private for much longer. After all, among other behavioral anomalies, you seem to have taken up running."

"Cardiovascular fitness is suddenly very important to me," McKay said.

"And as your doctor, I applaud you," Beckett said. "At least you should cancel the date."

"Don't think I haven't considered it," McKay said. In fact, Cadman had warned him pretty sternly against it. "But, and it pains me to say this, it may be my best shot with Dr. Katie Brown."

"So you like her, then?"

McKay blinked. "Well, sure. She's—she's pretty, and smart, and, and—uh—"

Beckett looked encouraging. "Pretty and smart, aye, I can see that."

"—and lots of other things too numerous to mention at this time."

"She makes good salads."

"Yes. Thank you. I'd forgotten that. Can I get back to work now?"

Beckett raised his eyebrows at McKay's abrupt change in tone. "Yes, of course. I'll leave you to it. I'll go over the results with Dr. Heightmeyer right away."

"Yes, well, keep me posted."

"Always, Rodney, always."

***

"Rodney?"

Somebody poked him, and McKay woke up with a jerk. "Wha—?" he managed, and he turned his head and saw Dr. Katie Brown, sheet pulled up decorously to hide her breasts, but she was clearly, alarmingly naked underneath. McKay froze in shock.

"Do you always sleep in such a weird position?" Brown asked curiously.

McKay couldn't make his mouth work for a second. Finally, he managed, "Yes, yes, yes, I do." He was flat on his stomach, arms outflung. One arm and one leg hung off the bed, which was too narrow for two. "Um—good morning." He needed to not panic, but he couldn't help it. Why was Katie Brown still here? She'd just come over for dinner. Where was Cadman? Because Cadman had clearly been very, very busy last night. She'd really taken one for the team, and, oh dear lord, payback—the payback—

"Good morning," Brown said. Her hair was outrageously messy, and her face looked different—younger somehow. It took McKay a second to realize that she'd washed off her make-up.

"What time is it?" McKay asked as he turned himself around, keeping the sheet pulled up. He was horrified, but not surprised, to discover that he was nude too. Eleven o'clock was the scheduled time for the run. He didn't even know the result of the mouse study. He saw that his room had a table set up with the remnants of a meal laid out, and clothing was strewn across the room. What had Cadman done? And now Katie Brown was—was—was snuggling him, and his nudeness, under the sheet.

"About ten." Brown made herself comfortable against his side, a soft, pink-tipped breast popping out from under the sheet.

"Ten—ten—" McKay squeaked, shying away violently as her hand skated across his stomach.

"Rodney?" Brown peered at him from the bed as he looked up at her from his new vantage point on the floor. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, yes, fine," McKay said, grabbing a discarded article of clothing from the floor and placing it over his crotch. Luckily, it was his boxer shorts, and he turned the movement into a quick shaking-out prior to pulling them on. "I just have—at eleven—I have to be somewhere."

"Oh." Brown looked disappointed. Then she smiled and reached down to run a finger seductively down his chest. "I was hoping we could—"

"No, no, I'm sorry, I simply must be there," McKay interrupted. Where was Cadman? How could she sleep in at a time like this? What exactly had she done with Brown? Well, he knew what she'd down with Brown. What they'd done was clear.

"Oh, I think we have time," Brown purred. Before McKay could interpret the look in her eye, she had rolled out of bed and straddled him, and yes, she was nude all the way down. She leaned over, pinning his arms down, giving McKay a bird's-eye view of her breasts before she kissed him.

"Mmmf," McKay protested.

"Last night was so much fun," Brown purred. She kissed his neck, then his chest, and started to work her way down. "You really know what to do to a woman's body."

"Yes, I—I try," McKay said weakly.

"And you succeed. Maybe we can do what we did last night, but this time, in the shower," Brown proposed.

"The shower. What a good—what a good idea." He mentally screamed Cadman's name, but of course it didn't do any good. He was in way over his head. And speaking of heads, Brown's was dangerously close to his crotch.

"I thought so." Right before she reached the waistband of his briefs, Brown switched course and kissed him on the mouth again. "Rodney? Are you okay?" She sat back, hands stroking his chest.

"Never better," McKay assured her, manufacturing a smile. He tried to ignore her breasts in favor of her eyes, but her breasts were right there. Nothing could save him. He'd be forced to take a long, hot shower with Katie Brown and her breasts. There would probably be soap, very slippery soap. And then they'd probably have sex. Or maybe they'd have sex in the shower; that seemed to be her plan. The prospect terrified him. He needed to think of a way out of this until he could find out exactly what Cadman had been up to. "I—I—" he began, and, as if God had heard his desperate prayers, someone knocked at his door. Relief flooded his body. "Gosh, is that the door? I should—I should probably get that."

"Your eleven o'clock, early?" Brown wondered, but she got off him and pulled the sheet off the bed.

"Probably," McKay said, grabbing his pants and pulling them on while he headed for the door. Behind him, Brown wound herself in the sheet and began picking up her clothes. He opened the door. "Dr. Beckett," he said in relief. "I'm so glad to see you. So, so incredibly glad to see you."

"Rodney?"

"Yes, yes, it's me, Rodney, your good friend Rodney McKay," McKay assured him. "Me, and no one else. Just—Rodney."

Beckett, ignoring him, peered over his shoulder. "Ah—Dr. Brown. Good morning. Rodney, should I come back?"

"No, no, we need to do—that thing."

Beckett frowned. "That thing?"

"You know—that thing. We have to do. At eleven. We should get an early start. You know, prepare."

"Aye, of course. That—thing."

"I'll just be—" Brown said, indicating the bathroom.

"You'd better come in," McKay said as the bathroom door shut behind Brown. "Cadman is asleep."

"I see the bouquet has held up well," Beckett said, sniffing it as McKay made a futile circle in the middle of the room before opening a drawer and selecting a new shirt and a pair of socks. Beckett took in the rumpled, sheet-free bed and the general disarray of the room before returning to the safe subject of the flowers. "A nice touch, that, using it as the centerpiece."

"I guess so." McKay pulled on his shirt and zipped it all the way up. Cadman had taken care of all of that stuff. "Carson, I have no idea what happened," he whispered. "I was asleep through all of it."

"All of it?"

"All of it. I can only infer what happened. I infer that Cadman just—kept right on going." McKay covered his face briefly with his hands. "Dear lord," he moaned. "This is just—just awful. I woke up this morning to Katie Brown and her—her breasts."

Beckett gave him a bracing, manly pat on the shoulder, but before he could speak, Katie Brown reappeared, trying to smooth her hair. Her breasts were now concealed: she was wearing a short brown dress that set off her coloring. She picked her shoes off the floor. "Thanks for a fun evening, Rodney," she said. She leaned up on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll give you a call later."

What would Cadman do? Cadman would grab her, dip her, and plant one on her, but McKay found he couldn't bring himself to do it. He'd probably drop her. He settled for, "Great. I can't—I can't wait."

"Well—bye."

"Bye."

McKay saw her to the door, and they exchanged another kiss, this one on the lips, before Brown, shoes still dangling from one hand, finally left.

"Rodney? Are you all right?" Beckett asked when McKay simply stood by the door, unmoving.

"No. No, I don't think so."

"Ah."

There was a short pause.

"Did you want to talk about it?" Beckett said finally.

"Yes. With Cadman." McKay jumped up and down, violently shaking his arms. "Wake up, Laura! For god's sake! Wake up!" It didn't do any good. "Condom. Oh, god. Look for condom wrappers." McKay dashed to the bed, lifted the pillows up one by one, and shook them. Nothing. He tossed them in the middle of the bed, then began lifting and shaking items from the floor, and adding them to the pile of pillows. Beckett did the same on the other side of the bed.

"Nothing under the bed," Beckett reported, getting to his feet. "Lavatory bin?"

"Oooh, good thought. Go see. I'll go through the trash can by the bed."

"Nothing," Beckett called a second later. "Toilet clean and empty. Shower clean and empty. What are we looking for, evidence of safe sex?"

"No, just evidence of sex," McKay said, shaking out the trash can. Nothing. He began tossing the items back in, one by one, in case he'd missed it. "Well, safe sex too, I suppose."

Beckett came back out of the bathroom. "Do you usually keep condoms about?"

"No, of course not," McKay said. At Beckett's look, he said, "It so rarely comes up. But that kind of detail would not escape Laura Cadman."

What kind of detail would not escape Laura Cadman?

McKay nearly fainted with relief at the lazy, ironic sound of Cadman's voice. "Laura, thank god you're awake," he said. "Katie just left. What did you two do?"

What do you think we did? Cadman asked. Where were you, is what I want to know. I had to finish what I started. Why is Carson here?

"He's helping me look for condoms. Finish? Finish in what sense?"

In the sense of having sex.

McKay pointed at the bed. "There are no condom wrappers. Please tell me you used a condom and you just—just flushed it or something."

Cadman sounded annoyed. Must we have this conversation in front of Carson? I really didn't want him to know about this.

"He's my doctor. If he has to treat me for some hideous sexually transmitted disease—or if—pregnant! What if Katie gets pregnant and I have to—to—to marry her or something? Not to mention my lifetime radiation exposure, which is shockingly high—the poor kid—"

Cadman cut in. We didn't have that kind of sex. We had the kind of sex you don't need condoms for. The kind where you can't get pregnant.

"Oh? And what kind of sex is that?"

Cadman's voice sounded cold. I think you can figure it out, Rodney.

"Oral sex," McKay reported to Beckett. "No condom wrappers because they had oral sex. And I hope you enjoyed it. Not you, Carson. I meant Laura."

"Condoms should also be used for oral sex," Beckett said mildly.

"Did you hear that?" McKay demanded of Cadman.

"Rodney, just stop." Beckett took the trash can out of McKay's hand and set it down. "Katie Brown can't get pregnant because all the women on the Atlantis mission have implanted birth-control devices. And I'll break a medical confidence to assure you that neither you nor Dr. Brown has any kind of STD. You'll be fine."

"Fine!" McKay screeched. "Nothing is fine! Laura had sex in my body!"

It was supposed to be you, Cadman said reasonably. It's not my fault you slept through it.

"I said I was going to."

But I didn't believe you. And then I couldn't—I couldn't get out of it.

"Laura—"

Cadman raised her voice. Katie Brown really, really likes you. I have set you up. You cannot fail. Try saying thank you.

"Thank you? Thank you?" McKay sputtered.

You're welcome. And I think it's time for payback.

"Payback?" McKay said.

"Payback?" Beckett repeated.

We go at eleven o'clock, right? We could both die, right?

McKay glared at Beckett, because he couldn't glare at Cadman. "What do you want?"

Beckett looked taken aback. "What do I want?" he asked as Cadman said, A nice kiss from Carson should do the trick, and not like the last one, either. I mean a real kiss.

"That's hardly fair to Carson," McKay pointed out.

"What is?" Beckett said. "Rodney, if you're not talking to me, then don't look at me."

Let go, Cadman ordered.

"No. Stop it." Cadman was pushing. "Laura, cut it out."

Just for a second.

"No!" McKay said as Cadman wrenched, and he lost control.

"That's better," Cadman said in McKay's voice. "You have to admit that I went above and beyond."

McKay wrested control back. "I didn't ask you to."

Cadman kicked him out again. "One kiss from Carson is all I'm asking. One real kiss, a big one."

Beckett eyed them. "Who am I to kiss?" he asked.

McKay ignored him. As if he didn't know. "Dr. Beckett has better things to do than kiss colleagues. Don't drag him into this."

"I'm sure Carson can handle what may be a dying person's last request."

"This crush you have on Dr. Beckett is just embarrassing."

"Your behavior with Katie Brown is equally embarrassing. Which is why you should be on your knees, thanking me for paving the way."

"Well, excuse me for—" McKay started, as Beckett said loudly, "Stop it, both of you. You know you can't keep this up. You'll have a seizure. One of you must relinquish control."

"It's not going to be me," Cadman said. "Because I took one for the team, and I want payback."

"Excuse me," McKay said. "It's not going to be me, because it's my body."

"You know my demands," Cadman said.

"For Christ's sake," Beckett said. He grabbed McKay's—Cadman's—head and kissed her. "Ah, at last. Silence. Who do I have?"

"Me," Cadman said. "Laura."

"I suppose it doesn't matter," Beckett said—to McKay's mind cryptically. After all, wouldn't he rather kiss Cadman than McKay? "One real kiss, a big one, coming up." Beckett took a deep breath, then wove his fingers into Cadman's hair. McKay, in a fit of pique, wrenched her out and slid in himself. He was just in time. He felt the pressure of Beckett's mouth against his, and then Beckett parted his lips. To his amazement, Cadman didn't say a word. And to his equal amazement, Beckett didn't seem to have any idea who he was kissing—that it was McKay in there, not Laura Cadman.

It was one hell of a kiss, with sly tongue and clever lips and open mouth against open mouth, but what got to McKay, and no doubt Cadman, was the way his fingers stroked in tandem with his mouth, with the flick of a tongue paired with a gentle caress across McKay's temple, with a subtle change in the cant of Beckett's head signaled by the pressure of Beckett's palm against his neck, and McKay found himself stepping into the circle of Beckett's arms, his hands brushing Beckett's broad chest, and kissing back.

Beckett really knew what he was doing. McKay had never kissed another guy before, but it was actually really nice—no doubt a little bit of Cadman had bled out. It wasn't at all like kissing Katie Brown, because there was no undercurrent of terrible panic. Instead, it was warm and lingering as mouth played against mouth, and when Beckett pulled back slightly, McKay couldn't help himself because he thought Beckett was signaling the end of the kiss, and he'd just decided he was enjoying himself. He twined one arm around Beckett's neck and touched Beckett's lips with his fingers, but he'd been wrong, because Beckett wasn't stopping. He'd just come up for air, and now McKay's fingers had gotten in the way, but that felt nice too, both of them licking the fingers that separated them before McKay trailed a line of wet across the stubble of Beckett's cheek and their mouths found one another again.

"Rodney," Beckett moaned, saying the word the way only he said it. "Laura."

"Carson. Dr. Beckett," McKay said in return, just before they bumped against the wall and Beckett pressed against him, warm and solid and, oh dear lord, hard. McKay could feel it. A physiological response, he thought fuzzily, that matched his. It looked like Beckett was taking one for the team too. What a trooper. But McKay had recently learned that one could enjoy taking one for the team—something Cadman, it appeared, had known all along.

"Oh, wow," Cadman said, emerging briefly before McKay could eject her again.

"Rodney?" Beckett said, pulling back slightly.

"It's me," McKay said. "Laura. Please don't stop."

"Carson," Cadman murmured.

Beckett looked concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," McKay said as the room suddenly tilted, which just confirmed his notion that Beckett could really kiss. "I just feel a little—"

He wasn't sure how he'd gotten on the floor, but Beckett was kneeling by him, one hand to his ear, talking to someone who wasn't there. He heard the words "medical emergency" and "seizure," and although he was vaguely aware of the gurney, John Sheppard, Zelenka, Elizabeth Weir, Beckett, Kate Heightmeyer, and the lab, he couldn't see Cadman anywhere. He thought he'd seen her, wearing her uniform, her long blonde hair pinned up and hidden under her hat, her arm outstretched as if pointing, but he must have imagined it. He had a confused sensation of gating while everyone was yelling, with Heightmeyer saying, "Now, now, now," but he didn't walk into the Gate, and about then, he just gave up trying to figure out what was going on.

"Oh, no," he said to no one in particular. His voice came out wrong. Was Cadman driving? Did she have control of the body? He couldn't remember. Once they'd started switching off, he'd gotten confused. He was on the ground where he'd fallen, but he wasn't in his room, even though Beckett was still leaning over him. He frowned.

"Lieutenant?" Beckett said anxiously.

McKay turned his head to see who Beckett was talking to, and he saw himself, Rodney McKay, apparently unconscious, right next to him. That was weird.

"Laura?" Beckett said, taking his hand. "Can you hear me?"

Why was Beckett looking at him and calling him Laura? Where was Laura Cadman? McKay looked down at his chest. He couldn't seem to move his arms, or he would have tried to touch, because it was bumpy. Two bumps. Dear lord. He had breasts—breasts like Katie Brown had breasts. Breasts, in fact, like Cadman had breasts, because he recognized the uniform.

He was in Cadman's body.

"It's me—Rodney," McKay said, right before he passed out.