Quotes

The quotes page contains the very best Kyle quotes, and dialog prominently featuring Kyle.

"Dude, Cartman, look! Your mom is on the cover of Crack Whore magazine!"

Token : You mean, you want me around?
Stan : Sure, dude, you're our friend.
Token : Yeah, I know. But you guys always rip on me for being rich.
Stan : Dude, just because we rip on you for being rich doesn't mean we don't like you.
Kyle : Yeah. We're guys, dude. We find something about all our friends to rip on. We made fun of you for being rich just like we make fun of Butters for being wimpy.
Butters : They sure do.
Stan : Yeah, like we rip on Kyle for being a Jew.
Kyle : Right.
Token : That's right, huh?
Kyle : And Stan for being in love with Wendy.
Stan : Yeah, I get it for that.
Kyle : And Cartman for being fat.
Cartman : Uh huh.
Kyle : And Cartman for being stupid.
Cartman : Yeah.
Kyle : And Cartman for having a whore for a mom.
Cartman : Hey!
Kyle : And Cartman for being a sadistic asshole.
Cartman : Ey, you did me already!

"Cartman, you're such a fatass, that when people walk down the street, they go 'God! Dammit! That's a big, fat ass!'!!"

Kyle: Vi, visitors, this morning you took my little brother, Ike. He's the little freckled kid that looks like a football. At first, I was happy you took him away. But I've learned something today. That having a little brother is a pretty special thing.
Stan: Yeah.
Kyle: Ah, heck, Mr. Visitors, I'm just a kid all alone in this crazy world, but if you could find it in your hearts or whatever you have, to give my brother back to me, it sure would make my life brighter again.
Stan: That was beautiful, dude.
Kyle: Did it work?
Stan: No, they're leaving.
Kyle: Hey, you scrawny-eyed s(beep)thead, what the f(beep)k is wrong with you?! You must be some kind of f(beep)king asshole to be able to ignore a crying child!
Stan: Whoa, dude!
Kyle: You know what you assholes like!? You like to (beep) and (beep) and (beep) and (beep) and (beep) and (beep)!
Stan: Hey Wendy, what's a (beep)?

Kyle: ...my dad will start yelling, 'Where's your brother, Kyle?! You weren't looking out for your little brother, Kyle!'
Stan: Calm down, dude.
Kyle: 'You know he can't think on his own, Kyle! Brush and floss, Kyle! WHERE HAS THAT FINGER BEEN, KYLE?!'
Stan: Dude!

Stan: What the hell's wrong with Cartman?!
Kyle: He's fat and he's stupid?

"Oh my God, what if I'm not real?"

"Dude, this book says there could be infinite alternate realities to every reality!"

"Oh my God, this book says that negative and positive are the same thing; that real and not real are one!"

Kyle: [to Stan] Dude, this book says I don't exist unless I think I do. But what if I don't?
Cartman: [returns] Will somebody take those books away from him?

"Wait! Wait! I think I can explain this whole thing! Marklar, these Marklars want to change your Marklar! They don't want this Marklar or any of these Marklars to live here, because it's bad for their Marklar! They use Marklar to try and force Marklars to believe their Marklar! If you let them stay here, they will build Marklars and Marklars! They will take all your Marklars and replace them with Marklar! These Marklars have no good Marklar to live on Marklar, so they must come here to Marklar! Please, let these Marklars stay where they can grow and prosper without any Marklars, Marklars, or Marklars!"