"All the Lonely People"
Part 1/1
By Blanca ([email protected])

Rating: G
Spoilers: Through "The White Room."
Summary: A short Tess POV piece about redefining destiny.

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
- from "Eleanor Rigby" by The Beatles

I've always been alone. Don't feel bad for me, though. It's all I've ever known so I'm used to it. In fact, sometimes I prefer it that way. I've never been able to fit in with other people. I suppose I shouldn't say 'other' because I'm not a person like everyone else if you want to get technical. Sometimes I forget. Fortunately I have Father to remind me. He's not really my father, I just call him that because he raised me. He's different too, but not in the same way that I'm different. Until last year I thought I was the only one like me anywhere in the world.

Then he told me about Roswell.

It was like a dream come true -- a family, a real family, and they had been looking for us. They sent us a signal from the public library. Three others, just like me. Together we would be complete at last. Father told me about each one. Lovely Isabel, cool and tall, the sister I never had. Michael, my brother in more than name, spirited and willful, just like me. And Max. Max, my destiny. I imagined that he would take me in his arms and hold me as no man has ever held a woman before. And I would be home because it was meant to be.

But that's not what happened.

It seems that the three of them did not have as much trouble fitting in as I did. Even Michael, who got almost as raw a deal as mine, managed to find himself a human companion. The look in Max's eyes the first time he saw me was anything but the love and recognition I expected. It was something more along the lines of shock.

My arrival here was unsettling to him. There is only one reason for this as far as I can tell. Her name is Liz Parker. And my Max is in love with her. Completely, thoroughly, head-over-heels in love, and it gets worse. She loves him too, just as much, maybe more. She knows all about who he is and she doesn't care. Put the two of them in a room together and it's like the rest of the world ceases to exist.

I know what you're thinking. You're wondering how he can be with someone else when he's meant to be with me. Believe me, I used to wonder the same thing. I don't wonder anymore. Something happened after I came here that made me understand. But I'm getting to that.

At first I tried to show Max our destiny. I tried to get him to realize that we were, quite literally, made for each other. It was no use. Even after he remembered everything it didn't matter because I'd already lost him. I lost him the first time he set eyes on Liz Parker. It's as if there were a Liz-shaped hole in his heart that only she could fill. Even destiny can't compete with that.

It was the same for Michael and Isabel. By the time I met them they had already chosen their mates and it wasn't each other. Michael and Maria. Isabel and Alex. Bread and butter. Toast and jam. Sorry, I get carried away sometimes. I did my part. I gave them the answers to their questions.
What they did with the answers is their business, I suppose. I shouldn't have taken it personally. Yet somehow I did. Their decision only reinforced Max's choice. The three of them presented a united front. They had always been together, what did they need me for? Instead of finding a family I felt more alone than ever. Which is really fine by me because, as I said before, I'm used to it. Who needs a family anyway?

It wasn't until I met Kyle that I finally understood. Or, more accurately, it wasn't until I kissed him. It was purely curiosity mixed with a little mischief that attracted me to him. I was walking through the halls of West Roswell High when he whirled around the corner at full speed, plowing right into me. I would have been pissed as hell if it hadn't been for the vision.

I had a flash of him with Liz. Yes, the very same Liz who owns my Max's heart. Kyle and Liz were outside a hospital somewhere and she was breaking up with him. What is this hold Liz Parker has on the men of Roswell? I have to say, honestly, I don't get it. But I digress. The instant Kyle touched me I could feel the pain and humiliation he felt when she broke it off. The indignation. The hostility directed toward Max Evans. Needless to say, I was intrigued.

It started as a jealousy thing, a rebound from a relationship I didn't even get to have. He was onto me from the beginning, but I don't think he cared. I couldn't hide my feelings about Max, even if he didn't truly understand where they were coming from. He didn't try to hide his lingering ache over Liz either. We commiserated and used each other. It was very convenient. At least, that's what I told myself.

I let him pursue me, thinking that I was in control. I was never in control. Not since I made the mistake of looking into his eyes. Kyle has amazing eyes. I've heard people talk about eyes that smile before, but I never really got it until I met Kyle. His really do. And they're blue as the sky.

I remember our second date, the one after the library, when he took me to that awful Chinese-Mexican place across town. Who in their right mind could have thought that combination would be a good idea? Anyway, when we were at dinner he did something that no one before or since has ever been able to do.

He made me laugh. I don't even remember what it was that he said, just that it was funny. I said something funny back and we laughed together and for the first time in my life I didn't feel alone. Not that it's so bad being alone, mind you.

You can probably guess where all this leads. I've finally come to accept the fact that maybe Max and I weren't meant to be together. Maybe the reason the four of us are here instead of our own home is because we weren't supposed to follow the path laid out for us there. Maybe we came here to find them -- to find Liz, Maria, Alex, and yes, Kyle. Of course, I'm only speculating. I don't know this for sure.

I still believe in destiny, but it doesn't matter so much to me anymore. It rarely turns out like you'd expect anyway. The most important thing I've learned is that destiny is not a map that's supposed to guide you from one place to another. It's a picture of the journey. It's about looking back after it's all over and seeing that things could not have turned out any other way. Everything has a meaning, but don't waste your time trying to figure it out. Life happens as it will and should. No one was ever meant to be alone.

The End