This is the what it's all about!

son: Mommy, Mommy, why is my head soaking wet and
everything is spinning round and round?
mom: Shut up or I'll flush again!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Am I done with my bath yet?
mom: Shut up or I'll flush you down!

son: Mommy mommy ! When is the pool going to be ready?
mom: Shut up and spit ...

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't like fishing.
mom: Shut up and stop squirming.

son: Mommy, Mommy I don't want my hair braided.
mom: Shut up and lift the other arm.

son: Mommy, mommy, can I have a cookie?
mom: Yes, the cookies are on the top shelf.
son: But mommy, I haven't got any arms!
mom: No arms, no cookie...

daughter: Mommy, Mommy! Billy won't let go of my ear.
mom: Billy, let go of Susie's ear.
mom: Billy! Let go of her ear!
mom: All right Billy, give me the ear.

mom: Come upstairs, son, like a good boy.
son: No, Mommy, you'll only throw me down again.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I brush my teeth?
mom: Yes, now shut up and get the jar!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's running down the street!
mom: Shut up and step on the gas!

son: Mommy Mommy! It's cold and dark and damp down
here.
mom: Shut up or I'll flush it again.

son: Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages
they send to Africa?
mom: Shut up and get back in the box!

son: Mommy, Mommy I don't want to go to China!
mom: Shut up and put your other foot in the CARE
package!

son: Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a
monkey!
mom: Shut up and comb your face!

son: Mommy, Mommy! What's a werewolf?
mom: Shut up and comb your face!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I go to the toilet?
mom: Yes Johnny I'll take you in a minute.
son: Can Granny take me?
mom: Why?
son: Her hand shakes.
son: Mommy, Mommy! Grandpa's going out!
mom: Well throw some more gasoline on him then.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why are we pushing the car off the
cliff?
mom: Shut up son, you'll wake your father.

son: Mommy, mommy, can I buy a new dress?
mom: You know it won't fit over your iron lung.

son: Mommy!Mommy!Who will I stay with while you are
gone?
mom: Grandma Dear now get in the coffin.

son: Mommy, Mommy, I'd like to play marbles now!
mom: Keep quiet, you can't use Grandpa's glasseye today!

son: Mommy, Mommy, can I wear a bra now? I'm 16..
mom: Shut up Albert....

son: Mommy, Mommy, why do other kids tell me I have a
long nose?
mom: You don't, but lift your head up or you'll scrape the
floor.

son: Mommy, Mommy! How come sis gets to watch TV
and I can't?
mom: Shut up or I'll cut your ears off, too!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why are we celebrating Christmas
in July?
mom: Shut up, you know you have cancer.

son: Mommy, Mommy, don't push to the elevator
shAAAAAAAFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTT!

son: Mommy, Mommy! What do you want with that axe....

son: Mommy, Mommy! I can't breathe!
mom: Good, it's working.

son: Mommy, Mommy! What am I gonna be when I grow
up?
mom: Nothing, dear. I have AIDS!

son: Mommy, Mommy! can I have a bike for Christmas?
mom: Nope. You already have your wheelchair.

son: Mommy, mommy! I don't see what's so hot about
watching tv!
mom: Shut up and turn the damn thing on!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy just poisoned my kitten!
mom: Never mind dear. Perhaps he had to do it.
son: No he didn't, he promised me I could!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can Sheldon come out and play
baseball with us?
mom: Now you know your little brother has no arms and
legs!
son: Yeah, we know. We just wanna use him for second
base.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why is my hair so slimey?
mom: Shut up, you little snot. 

son: Mommy, Mommy! the kids next door are calling me a
three headed dragon.
mom: There, there, now don't you worry - three heads are
better than one!

son: Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!
mom: Shut up and get away from the dart board!

son: Mommy, Mommy! My teacher says my head is too
big.
mom: Shut up and get your hat from the garage, so your
father can bring the car in!

son: Mommy, Mommy, why do other kids tell me I have a
big head?
mom: Don't worry about them. Now take your cap and go
get me 40 lbs of potatoes at the store.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop
everywhere?
mom: Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!

son: Mummy, Mummy, Sally won't come skipping with me.
mom: Don't be cruel dear, you know it makes her stumps
bleed.

son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't like running in circles!
mom: Shutup, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

son: Mommy, Mommy, Why am I running around in
circles?
mom: Shutup, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

son: Mommy Mommy! I'm getting dizzy! 
mom: Shutup, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why do they call me spastic at
school?
mom: Shut up and take your legs out your pockets.
          
son: Mommy, mommy, what is a deliquant child?
mom: Shut up, light your cigarette, drink your whisky and
deal those cards.

son: Mommy, mommy, what is a deliquant child?
mom: Shut up and pass me the crowbar.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why can't I play with the other
kids?
mom: Shut up and deal.

son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't know how to play strip
poker.
mom: Shut up and deal.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Suzi got run over by a steamroller.
mom: Shut up. I'm in the bathroom, slide her under the
door.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Suzi got run over by a steamroller.
mom: Shut up and get the maple syrup.

son: Mommy, mommy, dad's been run over in the street!!
mom: Don't make me laugh; you know my lips are
chapped.

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to see Niagara falls!
mom: Shut up and get back in the barrel!

son: Mommy, Mommy! I'm sick of learning how to swim!
mom: Shut up or I'll flush it again!

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to go to Australia.
mom: Shut up son and keep swimming.

son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't want to go to England.
mom: Shut up and keep swimming.

son: Mommy, mommy, are you sure this is how to learn to
swim?
 mom: Shut up and get back in the sack!

son: Mommy, mommy! how far is America?
mom: Shut up and keep rowing.

son: Mommy, mommy, can I go swimming?
mom: Shut up. You know iron lungs don't float!

son: Mommy, mommy, I don't wanna visit Grandma!
mom: Shut up and keep digging.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Joey is biting grandma's nail.
mom: Joey, stop it, or I am closing the coffin!

son: Mommy, Mommy! I want to play with Sheldon!
mom: Shut up and close the coffin!

son: Mommy, Mommy! How will we ever find Daddy on
this golf course?
mom: Shut up and search the sand traps!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I play in the sandbox?
mom: Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I play with grandma?
mom: Not today, we already dug her three times this week.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy so pale?
mom: Shut up and keep digging.

son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't want to see daddy again.
mom: Shut up and keep digging.

son: Mommy, Mommy, I want to play with Grandpa now!
mom: Keep quiet, the coffin stays closed today!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can't we give Daddy a decent
burial?
mom: Shut up and keep flushing!

son: Mommy, mommy! I don't want to go to China.
mom: Shut up and keep digging!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy running so fast?
mom: Shut up, and shoot!

son: Mommy, mommy, why is everyone running away?
mom: Shut up and reload.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy running away?
mom: Shut up, and help me reload the shotgun!

son: Mommy, mommy, can I lick the bowl?
mom: Shut up and flush.

son: Mommy mommy, I hate you
mom: Shut up or I'll eat you.

son: Mummy, mummy, please can I have a spoon?
mom: Yes of course dear. Why do you want the spoon?
son: Because Daddy's been sick, and the cat's getting all the
big bits

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to empty the compost
heap.
mom: Shut up and keep eating.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why can't we get a garburator?
mom: Shut up and chew!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's on fire!
mom: Shut up and get the marshmallows!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy fell in the campfire!
mom: Shut up and get the barbecue sauce!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Is this the way to make pickles?
mom: Shut up and get back in the barrel!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy went through the meat
grinder!
mom: Shut up and eat your hamburger!

son: Mommy, Mommy! I've lost my fingers!
mom: Shut up and eat your french fries!

son: Mommy, Mommy! There's something in daddy's eye!
mom: Shut up and eat around it.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy puked!
mom: Shut up and get a fork, before your sister gets all the
big chunks!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I lick the bowl?
mom: Shut up and flush it like everyone else.

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't want hamburgers for
supper!
mom: Shut up or I'll grind your other hand.

son: Mommy, Mommy! I HATE tomato juice!
mom: Shut up and drink it before it clots.

son: Mommy, Mommy! My egg tastes bad.
mom: stop complaining! Just eat it!
son: Mommy, Mommy!
mom: What is it now!
son: Do I have to eat the beak as well?

son: Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is the way to
make ginger bread men?
mom: Shut up and get back in the oven.

Son: Mommy Mommy, is this really the way to make meat
pies?
mom: Shut up and get back in the microwave.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise.
mom: Shut up and eat around it!

son: Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?
mom: Shut up and eat your cornflakes!

son: Mummy, Mummy! I don't like grandma.
mom: Well leave her on the side of your plate then.

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't like grandpa.
mom: Well, just push him aside and eat your beans.
(or)
mom: Well okay , eat the beans instead ...

son: Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog
food Fido wouldn't eat?
mom: Shut up and eat your meat loaf.

son: Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt
Edna for dinner?
mom: Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother
yet.

daughter: Mommy, Mommy! I like my brother very much.
mom: All right, you can take another slice.

son: Mommy, Mommy! I hate my sisters guts.
mom: Shut up and eat what's put in front of you.

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't like Sis!
mom: Shut up, and keep eating!

son: Mommy, Mommy! I hate daddy's guts.
mom: Well, just leave them on the side of the plate.

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't like the crunchy stuff in my
pea soup!
mom: Keep quiet and eat what is on the table.
(or)
mom: Shut up. Do you think I pour Grandpa's vomit
through a sieve?

son: Mommy, Mommy! I wanted to lick the bowl this time.
mom: Shaddup and flush.

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't like this spaghetti!
mom: Shutup or I'll rip the veins outta yer other arm!!!

son: Mommy, Mommy! I HATE red and green spagetti!
mom: Shut up or I'll pull the veins out of your other arm.

son: Mummy, Mummy! what's for dinner?
mom: Shut up and get back in the oven.

son: Mommy, mommy! I don't want any more hamburger!
mom:  Well I do so shut up and stick your arms back into the meat
grinder.

son: Mommy, mommy! Daddy threw up all over the kitchen
floor.
mom: Just ignore him, son.
son: But little sis is getting all of the BIG pieces!

son: Mommy, Mommy! are you sure this is the right way to
cook Beijing Duck?
mom: Shut up and close the microwave oven door behind
you!

son: Mommy, Mommy! When will we have this nice yellow
pudding again?
mom: Shut up, you know that grandma's leg is no longer
infested.

son: Mommy, Mommy! what's a vampire?
(or)
son: Mommy, Mommy! are we really vampires?
mom: Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!

son: Mommy Mommy! I'm not hungry anymore.
mom: Shut up and finish your paint chips. (a city version).

Mommy, Mommy! What's an Oedipus complex?
Shut up and kiss me!

Mommy, Mommy! Whats an orgasm?
I don't know dear, ask your father.
           
Mommy, Mommy! What's a nymphomaniac?
Shut up and help me get Gramma off the doorknob!

Mommy, Mommy! Why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Shut up son, you'll wake your father.

Mommy, Mommy! The milkmans here;
have you got the money or should I go out an play?

Mommy, Mommy! Why's everybody running?
Shut up and reload.

Mommy, Mommy! Why are you moaning?
Shut up son, and keep licking.

Mommy, Mommy! Can I get pregnant?
Of course not dear, you are only seven years old.
OK boys, same again...
 
Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's running down the street!
Shut up and step on the gas!
 
Come upstairs, son, like a good boy.
No, Mommy, you'll only throw me down again.

Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!
Shut up and get away from the dart board!

Mommy, Mommy! Where did your scabs go?
Shut up and eat your cornflakes!

Mommy, Mommy! It's dark down here!
Shut up or i'll flush it again!

Mommy, Mommy! I'm getting dizzy.
Shut up or I'll nail your other foot down!

Mommy, Mommy! I hate Daddy's guts.
Shut up kid and keep eating.

Mommy, Mommy! Can I play with Grandma?
Shut up kid, you dug her up twice last week!

Mommy, Mommy! Why am I so ugly?
Shut up kid and comb your face.

Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat? 
Shut up and eat your meat loaf. 

Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner? 
Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet. 

Mommy, Mommy! I hate my sisters guts. 
Shut up and eat what's put in front of you. 

Mommy, Mommy! What's an Oedipus complex? 
Shut up and kiss me! 

Mommy, Mommy! What's for dinner? 
Shut up and get back in the oven! 

top!

Mommy, mommy, what is a deliquant child? 
Shut up and pass me the crowbar. 
(or)
Shut up, light your cigarette, drink your whisky and deal those cards. 

Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men? 
Shut up and get back in the oven. 

Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg! 

Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise. 
Shut up and eat around it! 

Mommy, Mommy! Can I play with grandma? 
Not today, we already dug her three times this week. 

Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs? 
Shut up and eat your cornflakes! 

Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa? 
Shut up and get back in the box! 

Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey! 
Shut up and comb your face! 

Mommy, Mommy! What's a werewolf? 
Shut up and comb your face! 

Mommy, Mommy! Whats an orgasm? 
I don't know dear, ask your father. 

top!

Mommy, Mommy! Billy won't let go of my ear. 
Billy, let go of Susie's ear. 
Billy! Let go of her ear! 
All right Billy, give me the ear. 

Well, just leave them on the side of the plate. 

Mommy, Mommy! What's a nymphomaniac? 
Shut up and help me get Gramma off the doorknob! 

Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy so pale? 
Shut up and keep digging. 

Mommy, Mommy! I don't like grandpa. 
Well, just push him aside and eat your beans. 

Mommy, Mommy! Grandpa's going out! 
Well throw some more gasoline on him then. 

Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to go to Australia. 
Shut up son and keep swimming. 

Mommy, Mommy! Why are we pushing the car off the cliff? 
Shut up son, you'll wake your father. 

Mommy, Mommy! I keep running in circles. 
Shut up son or I'll nail your other foot to the floor 

Mommy, Mommy! Why's everybody running? 
Shut up and reload. 

Mommy, Mommy! I don't wanna visit grandma! 
Shut up and keep digging. 

Mommy, Mommy! Can I lick the bowl? 
Shut up and flush. 

Mommy, Mommy! I'm sick of learning how to swim! 
Shut up or I'll flush it again! 

Mommy Mommy! It's cold and dark and damp down here. 
Shut up or I'll flush it again. 

Mommy, Mommy! I don't want hamburgs for supper! 
Shut up or I'll grind your other hand. 

Mommy, Mommy! I HATE tomato juice! 
Shut up and drink it before it clots. 

Mommy, Mommy! What's a vampire? 
Shut up and eat your soup before it clots. 

Mommy Mommy! I don't like tomato soup! 
Shut up, we only have it once a month. 

Mommy, Mommy! I HATE spagetti! 
Shut up or I'll pull the veins out of your other arm. 

Mommy, Mommy! There's something in daddy's eye! 
Shut up and eat around it. 

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy puked! 
Shut up and get a fork, before your sister gets all the big chunks! 

Mommy, Mommy! Why are you moaning? 
Shut up son, and keep licking. 

Mommy, Mommy! Can I get pregnant? 
Of course not dear, you are only seven years old. 
OK boys, same again... 

Mommy, Mommy! Why can't we get a garburator? 
Shut up and chew! 

Mommy, Mommy! Joey is biting grandma's nail. 
Joey, stop it, or I am closing the coffin! 

Mommy, Mommy! Can I buy a new dress? 
You know it won't fit over your iron lung. 

Mommy, Mommy! Why can't I play with the other kids? 
Shut up and deal. 
Mommy, Mommy! Can I brush my teeth? 
Yes, now shut up and get the jar! 

Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts! 
Shut up and get away from the dart board! 

Mommy, Mommy! My teacher says my head is too big. 
Shut up and get your hat from the garage, so your father can bring the car in! 

Mommy, Mommy! Can I play in the sandbox? 
Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy. 

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's on fire! 
Shut up and get the marshmallows! 

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy fell in the campfire! 
Shut up and get the barbecue sauce! 

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's running down the street! 
Shut up and step on the gas! 

Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to see Niagara falls! 
Shut up and get back in the barrel! 

Mommy, Mommy! I want to play with Sheldon! 
Shut up and close the coffin! 

Mommy, Mommy! Is this the way to make pickles? 
Shut up and get back in the barrel! 

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy went through the meat grinder! 
Shut up and eat your hamburger! 

Mommy, Mommy! How will we ever find Daddy on this golf course? 
Shut up and search the sand traps! 

Mommy, Mommy! I've lost my fingers! 
Shut up and eat your french fries! 

Mommy, mommy what is incest? 
Shut up and lick. 

Daddy, daddy what is incest? 
Shut up and suck. 
Mommy! Mommy! What's oral sex? 
mmmrmmph mumble mumble mmhhh mmrph mmumble! 

"Come upstairs, son, like a good boy." 
"No, Mommy, you'll only throw me down again." 

What did the little boy say when his mother scolded him for cutting his 
Christmas present (a spotted hamster) neatly in two
pieces with a cleaver? 
Answer: "But, Mommy, you said that if I was good, I could halve him."