Monolith Decides On Abortion

"Moral Majority" Shocked

The Monolith, made famous by Stanley Kubrick's documentary
2001: A Space Odyssey as the item solely responsible for
the evolution of mankind, announced today that it had just
decided on a second-trimester abortion.

The legendary Star-Child, destined to watch over the Earth
and believed by many to be the next evolutionary step, had
no comment when asked about its impending destruction.

The Monolith cited the "forced entry," or rape, of astronaut
David Bowman's spaceship as the reason behind its decision.
The Monolith was quoted as giving off a high-pitched whine,
which has been translated to, "Look, I'm just not ready for
this, that's all. I wasn't expecting anyone to make the trip
until 2010. I'm still too young to settle down and have a
family. That's really it, honest."

The Religious Right is in a bit of a quandary over this problem.
On the one hand, they are totally against abortions of any kind,
calling them murder. On the other hand, neither the Monolith
nor the Star-Child are human. But then, many conservatives do
not even believe in evolution, being devout Creationists. Being
Creationists, they refuse to believe in the Monolith, since it
is not mentioned in the Bible. You can see the mental acrobatics
a problem like this has caused for this country's Right Wing
leaders.

Being unable to believe in, or even comprehend, the facts, Right
Wing icons such as Jerry Falwell and Rush Limbaugh have fallen
back on their standard responses. Jerry Falwell has blamed this
problem and all future problems on "liberals, feminists, and
gays." Rush Limbaugh insulted Hillary Clinton. Their followers,
the Moral Majority and the Dittoheads, respectively, inspired by
the kind of leadership they've always craved, responded to this
call for action by picketing abortion clinics across the country.

The Monolith, seemingly unmoved by such strong feelings of protest,
still stands by its abortion plans. It has already set up a doctor's
appointment at an undisclosed location, and hopes to be rid of the
Star-Child by the end of December.