Chiquita, Dole, and Del Monte. We've all
heard the names before, often associated with
bananas. But how many of us knew that these
three companies had formed a secret oligopoly
to control the world's supply of bananas, fix
prices, and punish those who expose their
money-grubbing policies. One journalist,
working for the Cincinnati Enquirer, dared to
report on how Chiquita actually operates, and
was quickly sacked and an undisclosed sum was
paid by the newspaper to the company after
Chiquita sued. It's clear that messing with
the banana companies is dangerous business.

Yet that's exactly what the European Union
has been doing. In an attempt to protect the
thriving banana export business of their
former colonies, the European Union has set up
a collection of quotas, licenses, and tariffs
in order to keep banana costs low. Chiquita,
Dole, and Del Monte were infuriated by their
inability to sell bananas profitably in Europe
and by their inability to exploit themselves
the banana farmers that are currently being
exploited by Europe.

This war was first waged on an economic
front, with both governments slapping each other
with punitive tariffs. However, Chiquita recently
escalated the conflict to a physical level, when
it sent in a well-trained team of security
personnel to burn a banana plantation located in
the Island of St. Lucia, a European banana bastion,
to the ground. In response, England had the SASE
assault the Chiquita main office in Cincinnati, Ohio.

The conflict erupted to a full-blown "shoot-em-up"
war when Dole, Del Monte, and Chiquita declared a
state of war against the European Union. This
reporter, pacifistic though it may sound, sincerely
hopes that the conflict does not escalate into
World War III.

Postscript: Kyle Rusnak was beaten by representatives
from Del Monte after a comment he made about how a war for
bananas would lack "a-peel" with the American public.

Disclaimer: Enough of this story is true to really scare me.
I'll let you try and figure out what's real and what's not.