"Teach me, teach me, to walk in the light..."

On March 18th 2005, due in part to the dilligent efforts of some totally awesome missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (aka Mormon) I was baptized and confirmed a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and now I have a church-family as well as better understanding of my Heavenly Father, to shelp upport me in my trials and tests of faith as I walk along life's roads, for which I am truly grateful. I know that many times I will continue to stumble and fall in my journeys. But always God has been there to lift me up and lend me strength, and I know He will continue to do so. At this point I'd like to say also that what brought me into the church was kindness, not condemnation. I know I have lots to work on, and I know I'm far from perfect, but having it waved in my face by some pride-filled self-rightous "bible-thumper" never did more than drive me further away. As Christians we're supposed to be following Christ's example. I wasn't there to see it first-hand (duh...lol) but I don't think he was the type of person to point fingers and intimidate or make people feel bad about themselves. He taught with patience and love, like the missionaries who taught me - even when I did my best to provoke them into spurning me with that "fine, whatever - you're going to hell and i'm not" judgement I've seen so often. It never happened. They were following Christ's example of patience and forgiveness and I only hope I could do as well. In God I see a benevolent father, looking down and often shaking his head at his crazy little girl down here. But always there to help when I needed him, and steering my flimsy little boat for me, even keeping it afloat when I did everything I could to capsize it. God is good. God and I have always had a connection. Often though, it's been a one-sided arrangement. Like a child that depends 100% on it's parents with no expectation on her part to begin with, but as she grows up is expected to give something in return - perhaps in the form of more responsibility, gratitude, following rules, etc., I think God has supported me when I couldn't do more than recieve, and then as I grew spiritually, he has brought me to a church and the opportunity to learn more of his gospel for a more formal & organized expression of faith through prayer, life choices, etc. Taking this path has changed my life in so many ways. In the teachings of the gospel I've found comfort and courage. In my church I've found new friends. And in my life I've found new peace. There is still much to work on, and I still have many struggles and moments of doubt... but as I work at building my faith and overcoming my doubts, I find that blessings pour into my life. In Jesus Christ, the son of God, who came to the earth as a man and "endured all things according to the flesh in order to know how best to succor his people" I find the strength and courage to face my fears and my life. In the deeds and events of His life I take courage to tackle my own. He is my Hero. And now my teacher. I accept Him into my life and hold His light close to my heart, even though my own soul is so often filled with darkness and sin. Sometimes just knowing that Christ is there to comfort and listen, and that no matter what's going on, he knows exactly how we feel, can be such a comforting thing to me. I said I still have much to work on, and if you've read much in the "about me" section(s) of this site you know I self-injure. NO I'm not proud of it and I'm also fully aware it's a no-no by christian belief (your body is a temple) as well as just general social standards... but well, it's somehow a lot more complicated than that. Anyways, the picture at the top of this page came to me in an email a long time ago and at the time I wasn't very into "all this religious stuff" but I kept it because, by coincidence (or perhaps not!) the blue and red rays of light remind me of the colors and shape of the self-injury awareness ribbon. It just trips me out every time I look at it. Maybe it's just me, but I think it's almost like a message from Christ saying "hey, I know and I understand...and I'm right here for you no matter what anyone says." Anyways, it's my favorite picture of all I've seen so that's why I put it here. if you want to learn more about self injury, click the ribbon below.