Title: Goodbye

Rating: G

Disclaimer: All characters except the ones of my own creation belong to Joss & Co.

Pairing: Angel/Buffy

Distribution: Kim’s Angel Fanfic. If anyone else wants it just ask I’ve never said no yet!

Summary: Angel’s thoughts as he watches Buffy after the battle the Mayor

 

 

 There she is standing there surrounded by the emergency vehicles searching. I know who she’s looking for, me. I can see the hope in her face, the hope that I will change my mind and come to her, but I can’t. How could I do that to her, give her false hope that everything could work out between us when I know in my soul that there’s no way that it would. So instead I stand here behind this ambulance sulking, catching what I am sure will be the last glimpse of her that I will ever see.

  I can’t believe I’m really about to walk out of her life. It hurts to even think that, it’s unbearable. I love her so desperately. I believed once that we would be together always and that nothing could come between us. How wrong I was, how naïve.

  Can I really leave and act as if the last three years never happened? Will I really be able to go on day after day without her by my side? I haven’t actually left yet and I already feel as if I’m being torn apart.

  Giles has just walked up to her, they’re talking, she seems so very sad even though we’ve just won the battle against the Mayor. I’m the cause of that sadness just as I’ve been so many times before. I want to go to her and comfort her. No I can’t! I have to go!

  I’m going to turn and go now, but wait, Giles is handing her something. It’s her diploma. I’m so proud of her. With every thing she has gone through physically and emotionally she still managed to graduate high school. God she’s just so incredible.

  I think I’ll step out from behind the ambulance to get a better look. Oh great Giles is leaving and she’s turning as if she senses something. She’s looking straight at me. Damn I didn’t want this. I didn’t want her to see me leave. I’ve hurt her enough already.

  The red lights highlight her face as they flash. I can see the unshed tears welled up in her eyes. I wonder if she can see the ones in my eyes I dare not spill.

  I feel as if my world is ending, crumbling into nothing. Without her I will not live I will only survive.

  If I don’t turn and go now I never will. I know I told you that I wouldn’t say goodbye and I won’t, at least not out loud because I think I might choke on the words. I’m looking at you so I can memorize every last detail about you and now I have got to go before I change my mind.

  Goodbye Buffy.