Do you know of a Sardar who parked his car 
in front of the board which read FINE FOR PARKING.

Can you do anything that other people can't?
Sure, I can read my handwriting..

When a wife was asked: What book do you like the best?
She answers: My husband's cheque book.

Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and 
             stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.

Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days,
You can keep it.

One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman 
was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where 
she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St.Peter. "Before you get settled in though, 
it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an 
executive make it this farand we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in." said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let 
you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever 
one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven", 
said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an 
elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green 
of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing 
in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked 
with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They 
ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They 
played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club 
where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil 
who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time 
telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she 
knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good-bye 
as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found 
St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. 
So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp 
and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up 
and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you 
must choose your eternity," he said.

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say 
this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a 
better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down 
back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing 
in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and Filth. She saw her friends were 
dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The 
Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," 
stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a 
country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all 
there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you; 
today you're staff."

We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those 
interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. 
Don't interrupt. Don't belch. If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd 
disqualify ourselves instantly.

But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel 
executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual 
behaviour by job applicants.

The lowlights:

1. "... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application."

2. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the 
same time."

3. " A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few 
minutes later, wearing a hairpiece."

4. "... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive 
was qualified to judge the candidate."

5. "... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and 
French fries in the interviewer's office - wiping the ketchup on her sleeve"

6. "Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having 
the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm."

7. "Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific 
interview questions."

8. "When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing 
around my office."

9. "At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, he went 
through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left."

10. "... pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said 
he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him."

11. "Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much."

12. "While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a 
copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest 
at the centerfold."

13. "During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's brief 
case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for 
another interview."

14. "A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His 
side of the conversation went like this: "Which company? When do I start? 
What's the salary?" I said, "I assume you're not interested in conducting the 
interview any further." He promptly responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me 
more. "I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. 
It was a scam to get a higher offer."

15. "His attaché [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, 
revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume."

16. "Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment 
office needed proof that he was looking for one."

17. "... asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. 
When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone 
number. I called security."

18. "Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he 
was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he 
would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached 
down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did 
need to get a new desk."

The owner of a large factory decided to make a surprise visit and check up 
on his staff. Walking though the plant, he noticed a young man leaning 
lazily against a post.

"Just how much are you being paid a week?" said the owner angrily.

"Three hundred bucks," replied the young man.

Taking out a fold of bills from his wallet, the owner counted out $300, 
slapped the money into the boy's hands, and said "Here's a week's pay -- now 
get out and don't come back!"

Turning to one of the supervisors, he said "How long has that lazy bum been 
working here anyway?" 

"He doesn't work here," said the supervisor. "He was just here to deliver a 
pizza!"

Your parents are insisting you get married and show you photos of girls of 
their choice...
Dhikhave pe na jaao apni akal lagaao -- Sprite

You would like to search for a girl on your own
Go for Yahoo search -- Yahoo.com

You are invited to a party where you come across a lot of girls…
Whenever you see colour think of us -- Jenson and Nicholson

You are altogether confused, as all the girls are pretty
Doondthe raha jaaoge -- Surf Excel.

At last you find a girl, whom you wish to propose, the chances are…
Fifty-fifty -- Britannia Biscuits.

At last you muster up courage and tell her…
I love you Rasna -- Rasna

She stares at you for a while and says...
Talk -- Maxtouch

During the ensuing conversation she politely refuses your offer...
Zor ka jatka zara dheere se lage -- Mirinda

And your heart breaks...
It joins everything except broken hearts -- QuickFix

But you still can't get her off your mind...
Go get it -- Visa Power

At last she relents, when you give her…
Cornnetto -- Pyar ka naya funda.

Next day you take her for a ride on your bike
Neighbour’s envy, owner’s pride -- Onida TV

While going on the bike her father sees both of you and now …
Taste the thunder -- Thums Up

But, at last, he also agrees as you are
Made for each other -- Wills

Then comes your marriage and…
Everyone's invited -- Samsung

During the marriage the pundit recites the mantra...
Yeh Fevicol ka mazbooth jode hai tootega nahi -- Fevicol

You are anxiously waiting for the first night to come as…
Yeh dil mange more -- Pepsi.

During the first night both of you want to
Play safe -- Bisleri.

So she says to you...
Touch tomorrow -- Air Tel.

Next day comes and you want to…
Underline your presence -- Van Huesen Shirts

She also agrees because ...
Yeh aram ka mamla hai -- Roopa

And she says…
Jo chaho ho jaye Coca Cola enjoy -- CoCa Cola

Then starts ...
The good life -- Air Tel

A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan 
officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed 
to borrow $5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security 
for such a loan.

The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on 
the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer 
accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls 
into the bank's underground garage and parked it there. Two weeks later the 
businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41.

The loan officer said, 'We do appreciate your business and this transaction 
has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we 
checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you 
would bother to borrow $5,000?' 

The business man replied: 'Where else in New York City can I park my car for 
2 weeks for 15 bucks?'

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.

A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do 
nothing all day long?"

The crow answered, "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, 
a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story is: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting 
very, very high up.

12 tips from workforce to managers

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it 
to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it's really a "rush job," run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to 
inquire how it's going. That helps.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a 
chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don't open the 
door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and this is good 
training.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the 
priority. Let me guess.  

6. Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to 
go or anything to do. Beside, having no life will help repair me for making 
partner.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could cost me 
a promotion.

8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in 
conversation.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, 
save them until the job is almost done.

10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. When you refer to them 
later, my shrewd deduction powers will identify them.

11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your 
life.

12. Tell me all your little problems. None of us have any and it's nice to 
know someone is less fortunate.