1. BADI

Meet Badi, he's just like E.T.
Really, they stole several plot ideas from E.T. to make this movie. (Guess on which vehicle they will help Badi escape at the end of the movie.)
The only thing they didn't manage to steal was talented people who could make a decent costume. As it is, the actor who has to play Badi is clad in something that looks like it was made by a 5-year-old without any sign of talent. The head cannot be moved and the costume is evidently two sizes too large for the dwarf inside the costume.

As if that wasn't bad enough, they were also looking for a way to show Badi when he's angry. As the head was not an option, they chose to let steam come from underneath Badi. Several friends of mine have remarked: "So this is what alien porn looks like."

Please give one minute of your time to this historic moment in cinema entertainment... here's Badi.

2. SEYTAN

Today's piece of schlock cinema does not contain a superhero, but an exorcist. The Exorcist was forbidden in Turkey and so they reshot it (almost scene by scene) as Seytan.
The only thing they didn't have... a budget and talented actors. Which is where we come in... drooling, I might add. Because Seytan sure is a mind-boggling experience.
I've divided this entry into 3 parts: essential viewing (the bits you really need to see), good viewing (you may want to fast forward some bits here) and extra bits (for completion).

Some of the YouTube clips have been pulled off YouTube (copyright violation??), so I've put this movie as the second entry. (At least, now you can still enjoy some of the clips.) Next time we'll go back to superhero madness!

The story is... well, I guess you've seen or heard about The Exorcist. All you need to know here is that the girl's name is Gul in this movie.

I couldn't track down the best scene in the movie. You know how in The Exorcist the little girl is suddenly hovering over her bed? Well, the same happens here... only they didn't have a budget and so they'd put a trampoline (!) under the bed. Which makes it hilarious to watch, especially when the mother sees Gul and jumps on top of her and both jump up and down. (Read more in this review.)

essential viewing: In this scene Gul, under Satan's spell, spins her head. And then... hey, where did that bad prop pop up from?

good viewing: : in this scene Gul is tied to the bed, but manages to spit pea soup (looks more like porridge) into the good guy's face. (This happens in the last ten seconds.) In the meantime, admire the wonderful make-up effects...

good viewing: Okay, so the "your mother sucks cock in hell" scene is one they couldn't film... but watch how Seytan overcomes this problem (55 seconds into the clip): dazzling special effects. Also, the exorcist (2.20 into the clip) gets ready for his Oscar by showing Gul is trying to put a spell on him. Or maybe he just has cramps...

good viewing: My God, they even copied the stairs and the fog...

(and now for some filling...) Not much happens in this scene, but we've added it for completist reasons:

3. TURKISH SUPERMAN

Is it a plane? Is it a bird? Yes, and it's a turkey! Superman has always been a fascinating character, which is why he even got his own Turkish superhero movie.

Meet the Turkish Clark Kent. I don't know about you, but I think those glasses are genuine:

Here's the trailer for the movie:

Extended version of those flight skills:

In this scene Superman flies into a building and has a genuine fight with some scroundels. Look closely to see one of them hide behind the wood. Then they try and stab him with a rubber knife (for some reason, that does not work) and it all ends in a group hug (really, that's a hug, not a fight). Good stuff!

And, of course, there have been spin-offs. Here's a clip from Uc Supermen Olimpiyatlarda, which mainly proves special effects still needed to be invented in 1984:

Mind you, things weren't much better in India, as this clip from the Indian Superman shows evidently. But Superman did get to fly and dance with Spiderwoman:

4. 3 DEV ADAM

It's hard to beat "Three Mighty Men", the Turkish superhero in which Captain America and Mexican wrestler Santo team up against Spiderman, who is an evil bastard.

In the first scene Spiderman proves how much of a bastard he is by having a woman buried on the beach (with only her head sticking out of the sand). Then he crushes & blends her by having a boat with propellor dragged over her. Thanks to the special effects (one bottle of ketchup sprayed gently over Spiderman's evil girlfriend's legs), this scene is genuine frightening.
You will see that scene in the trailer in a couple of minutes.

But first, another torture scene. Spiderman (let me repeat how evil he is in the movie) has an opponent tied up in the basement. An evil machine (read: long tube) is tied to his face and then it's time for the evil mice (surely, the oddest mice I've ever seen, but the translation tells me those are mice).
The rest is gory cinema history...

And now for the trailer... because nothing can beat four minutes of 3 Dev Adam.

P.S. 3 Dev Adam is out on DVD. You can order it from Onar Films.

5. TURKISH WIZARD OF OZ

Sometimes Superhero Schlock turns into Let's See Which Other Crappy Remakes Were Made In Turkey and tonight is one of such nights as we present "Aysecik ve Sihirli C�celer R�yalar �lkesinde" (a.k.a. Aysecik and the Bewitched Dwarfs in Dreamland or Turkish Wizard of Oz). Yes, in 1971 the Turkish cinemagoers were ready to see their homemade version of The Wizard of Oz and was it good? Erm, next question.

The Turkish version of Dorothy didn't look so much like Dorothy, but was more of a cross between Snow White and a porn actress. Mind you, we're not complaining.

As most of you will know, Dorothy ends up in Oz when a tornado hits her way. Expensive special effects there, so how would a Turkish no-budget movie solve this? Simply, by making a cartoon version of that scene. Noone will ever know, especially not if you also turn that into the credit scene. Then it'll look normal and professional. Sort of. Okay. Not then.

Then there's the extra characters: add some people in funny costumes, add some midgets (read: take all the midgets you can find, nevermind if the costumes look good on them) and you're one step closer to making a box office hit.

Oh yeah, a soundtrack: we need that too. While taking songs of the original soundtrack may be too expensive (you could just steal some songs, but that would cost you dearly if you're caught), there's always a German movie you can steal a soundtrack from. Noone will ever find out! Honestly!

Good... now we need a talking skull. Well, it's the Wizard in disguise, but we can't use the Wizard because his costume isn't ready. So a talking skull... well, that sounds tricky: how can you get a skull to talk? Oh, I know, you don't, let's just put a skull on top of a table and let the other characters listen to it, and noone will notice the skull isn't moving its mouth when it's talking. Cinema magic!

I did mention the wonderful third-rate costumes before, but a special thanks should go to the Tin Man (now that costume really doesn't fit) and the Witch (a wonderful use of extra bits of make-up and costumes you couldn't use for characters). The Wizard isn't in this video, so I'll mention him later, but again, wonderful costume there!

Right, okay, actors, costumes, no ideas, stolen soundtrack... I think we're ready for Turkish Wizard of Oz!

For more info: visit this site
(The Wave Magazine's review of Turkish Wizard of Oz, complete with some pictures. Including one of the Wizard. That's the one with the pointy head.)

(... to be continued ...)

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