Series: No Greater Love
Title: Regret
Author: Sasha
Summary: The aftermath of the drunken birthday madness with our favorite boys.
Rating: R for language
Disclaimer: The characters contained herein, not mine, yadda yadda, Marvel, blah, blah, I receive nothing but feedback and the enjoyment of writing the story.
Author�s note: Story switches between Logan and Kurt�s pov, starting with Logan.
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I wake up to the feeling of warmth. It�s been so long since I�ve truly warm that when it moves away I chase it, moving closer to the source. The warmth is like a soothing balm against my aching head and sore muscles.
I smile, as I realize this heat comes from another person. I rub my hand against the fur and burrow deeper into the�..
�..wait a second.
Fur?!
That can�t be right.
I lay perfectly still as I search through my memories of last night hoping to find the identity of my bedmate among them. I remember with clarity everything leading up to our return to the mansion, but everything else is lost in a blur of fragmented images or frighteningly blank. Hard as I try, I can find nothing helpful and I give up for the moment.
Not wanting to open my eyes for fear of whom, or considering the fur, what I may find in bed with me, I take a deep breath hoping there will be something in the person�s scent that will clue me into the identity of my mysterious bed partner. I find some comfort in the fact that the scent belongs to someone very familiar to me and I breathe a sigh of relief. That emotion, however, is somewhat short-lived and quickly turns into dismay as I place the owner of that distinctive smell.
Keeping my eyes tightly shut I blindly reach out for the body next to me hoping I am wrong, although some small part of me is already convinced I�m not, but needing confirmation one way or the other. I trail my hand over the body next to me finding fur, which covers the skin I touch, a wiry frame with a muscular chest that is decidedly not female, and a firm abdomen. It is only when my hand brushes against the semi-flaccid cock on a completely naked male body that panic overtakes me and I scurry from the bed.
I wince as I feel a twinge of pain in my backside and the full horror of the situation hits me. Take in everything I have found up to this point, and include my current state of undress and the torn clothing on the floor, and it looks as if I Kurt and I��..
No. I can�t even bring myself to think of it right now. I don�t know what all this means but I do know I need to get the Hell out of here. Fast.
I race to put on my jeans, telling myself to ignore the missing buttons and the rip in the jeans, suppress the well of emotion I feel at seeing my shirt, torn and useless, evokes, especially knowing why and quietly slip out the door.
Thankfully, I don�t encounter anyone in the hallway and I dash into my room, slamming and locking the door behind me. I try not to think as I spur myself into action. I strip out of the pants, and throw both items into the trash bin. Then I grab the liner out of the pail, tie it closed, and shove it as far as I can under the bed so I no longer have to see it. I grab a change of clothing out of the drawer, snag a towel out of the closet, and seal myself in the bathroom turning the shower on as hot as I can get.
As I stand under the scalding spray of water, hands on the wall, head hanging low, I finally allow myself to think, and face one simple truth.
I slept with Kurt Wagner.
*****
My mind is still half asleep as I try to move closer to Logan and the heat he generates because I suddenly feel cold. After I hit the floor in a tangle of limbs, I�m suddenly wide-awake. I stand and rub my bottom as I take in the lack of company and clothing.
Obviously, my friend woke up before me. And since he didn�t stay or say goodbye before he left, I think it is safe to assume the worse. If I know him as well as I think I do, then he�s most likely in him room freaking out and wondering what all this means.
Best-case scenario: he accepts what happened, does a little soul searching, and decides to continue the relationship.
Worst case scenario: he denies what happened, does a little soul searching, and wants to forget the whole thing ever happened. Problem with this scenario is that I don�t even know if he would accept me as a friend after that so I decide to give him another option.
Today I�ll leave him alone to organize his thoughts, and think things through, and then I�ll go see him. And when I finally see him I�ll walk straight up, and though it pangs me to do it, lie to his face about remembering yesterday. Hopefully that way I can keep him as my friend. Because, to be perfectly honest with myself, I don�t think that I could take loosing him completely.
*****
Kurt finally caught me, when I let my guard down to have a smoke. After having spent the better part of the week avoiding him, he started up a conversation with me and I�ll admit I felt decidedly uncomfortable around him at that time. About five minutes into the conversation he asked me if I�d remembered what happened that night and I recall freezing at that point. But when he told me he only asked because his mind was a total blank shortly after we got back to the mansion I found myself relaxing for the first time in a long time around him. So I told him to be perfectly honest I couldn�t remember much, everything after going up to his room was kind of hazy and there were a lot of blank spots in my memory.
When he originally talked to me, and told me he couldn�t remember anything I felt relieved that I wouldn�t have to talk about what did happen. But now I�m not so sure. I�ve noticed a lot of changes in his behavior towards me recently. I tried to ignore it but even the others have noticed it too. He stares at me a lot; sometimes he�s less obvious about it than others. Sometimes he seems a little withdrawn, although it�s more noticeable when he�s around me than with the others but it�s there. I could ignore all that in favor of living in ignorant bliss except for one thing. Lately, when I am around him I can smell his arousal. It�s always faint but it�s always when I stand near him.
I know he lied to me now. And I think it�s time we resolve this issue and come to some sort of resolution.
*****
I hear a knock at the door and I put down the book I�ve been reading and yell for the person on the other side of the door to come in. I see Logan walk in and I start to ask him what�s up when I notice the tightness in his expression, the rigid stance of his body, and somehow I know this isn�t going to be a simple visit.
I remain silent as I watch him pace back and forth until he comes to a halt directly in front of me. I see his jaw open and close several times before he finally gets out what he has to say.
�I know what happened.�
With one simple sentence he succeeds in lifting the load of guilt I felt for lying to him, the worry of what would happen if he discovered the truth, and the pain of not being able to express my true feelings to him.
Just the fact that he came to me willingly, without prompting from the others, into this room is enough to give me hope that even if things don�t work out the way I want them to, we can at least salvage our friendship.
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