"I just want, I dont know, I want to die." Renae mumbled outloud, to no one in particular. She didnt see how she could get on with her life after it had gotten so fucked up. It seemed like nothing would ever be the same. She could never get her life back again, and she didnt even care.

"What did you say?" Marshall turned around, surprised that she was talking. He was holding Marshall still, and he looked across the room at Renae. She was still crying, and wasnt any calmer then she was 5 minutes ago.

"I want to die." She repeated louder. "I WANT TO FUCKING DIE MARSHALL!" She screamed.

He stared at her, wide eyed. "No, you dont." He said sternly, putting Marshall back down into the play pen and walking towards her. "Dont say things like that."

"I do want to die." She sobbed."Whats wrong with saying something if you mean it!? YOU ALWAYS SAY IF YOUR SICK ENOUGH TO THINK IT, YOUR SICK ENOUGH TO SAY IT!" She screamed.

His face was blank, he just stared at her, his lips slightly parted in shock. She wanted to die? Why would she want to die? He looked down at her as she started crying harder. "Why do you want to die?"

"I cant stand my life anymore!" She cried, covering her face with her hands and rocking back and forth. "I cant do this anymore, I cant." She whined and slammed her head backwards against the wall as hard as she could. Marshall cringed, and walked towards her, crouching down in front of her.

"Shh, listen, it'll be okay. You dont want to die, I know you dont."

"How the fuck would you know!?" She screamed. "You dont know what I want, and I doubt you care, you selfish, stupid son of a bitch."

"Renae-"

"Marshall, your a fucking SLUT! THATS WHAT YOU ARE! YOUR NOTHING BUT A SLUT!" She screamed and tears fell from her eyes like someone had dumped a bucket of water upside down. "And you called Kim a hoe!? Look at you! You cheated on me, TWICE IN ONE DAY, WITH TWO DIFFERENT BITCHES!"

"Listen..." He started, starting to get angry.

"I LOVED YOU! AND I TRUSTED YOU! AND THIS IS WHAT YOU DO TO ME?! How could I have been so stupid? Everyone was right, EVERYONE WAS FUCKING RIGHT." She yelled, a couple seconds later she grabbed her hair and screamed in fustration. "AND YOU SAID, 'Dont listen to those haters...They dont know what they are talking about, I love you, I always will. I will never cheat on you baby-' " She said, in a mock low pitch voice, doing an impression of him.

"What the FUCK?!" He yelled, no longer feeling bad for Renae, but feeling angry. He still regretted cheating on her with Laura and Kim, but she was really starting to piss him off. "You fucking bitch!" He said, glaring at her.

"I hate you. I hate you SO FUCKING MUCH!" She screamed. "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU DID TO ME! Im gonna leave, Im taking Marshall and Im fucking leaving, IM FUCKING LEAVING YOU!" She stood up, putting one hand over her mouth and storming out of the room towards the stairs.

"Your not taking Marsh with you!" He yelled, trailing after her as she walked up the stairs. He paused at the bottom of the stairs and looked back into the living room. Marsh was watching them, laying on his stomach, his eyes wide, obviously frightened from the yelling that had just gone on around him. He looked at Renae as she ran up the stairs, and then back at the baby, and then ran into the livingroom and picked him up.

He took off up the stairs, carrying the baby with him, and jogged down the hallway to the bedroom door. It was open halfway and he let himself inside it, and watched Renae take a few suitcases from the closet. She threw them on the bed and opened them.

"I am taking him with me, hes my son." She argued, without looking up from the suitcase.

"Well hes my son too, and I dont want you to take him. So either you leave without him or you stay here with the both of us. Your not picking him up, taking him all the way to California, and staying in a hotel room, with the baby. He shouldnt have to go through any of this shit!" He yelled. The baby had begun to cry, and he bounced it softly to ease its tears.

"He shouldnt have to. Your right about that. But lets not forget WHY he has to, Marshall." She stormed over to the closet and pulled clothes down off the hangers and threw them into her suitcase, and then walked over to the dresser and took more clothes out of the drawers, and everything else that she would need that was right there. She threw it down into the suitcase and closed the first one, and tossed it down on the floor.

"Hes not going." He said firmly, rubbing the babys back.

"Yes he is, Hes my kid, and I say that he is." She narrowed her eyes at him and opened the second suitcase. "You arent resonsible enough to take care of him."

"Oh, Im not huh?" He asked sarcastically.

"No, your not. Your always, out at the studio, out at parties, bars, clubs, anywhere that you please, you cant possibly have time to take care of him!" She looked up, one hand on some clothes, the other on her hip, her head tilted to one side.

"You do the same things that I do!" He yelled. "And I have a HOME studio! I think I can handle taking care of my own son, thank you very fucking much."

"Uhm, no, I dont think so. Hes coming with me, so just fucking stop it. You have to go back into the studio next week, you have interviews, press conferences and meetings at interscope, you arent even going to be HOME to take care of him." She rolled her eyes.

"Okay, so, I bring him with me recording, its only downstairs. Someone can watch him while Im at the meetings and the press conferences, and I only have 1 meeting at interscope and I can work that out. Hes staying with me!" He yelled.

"Oh, my god. I cant deal with this." She closed the suitcase once she had everything she needed, and threw the suitcase onto the floor. She picked up the phone from the nightstand on Marshalls side of the bed, and dialed her body guards number.

Marshall exhaled loudly as she talked on the phone, and turned around, walking down the hallway. Renae looked up and saw him, and quickly went after him, still on the phone.

"Where the fuck are you going?!" She yelled. He didnt answer and she cursed, and then turned back to the phone. "Call and reserve me a plane on the next flight out to LA, and then come and get me?" She hung up and grabbed her suitcases and hurried down the hallway. She ran downstairs and put her suitcases next to the front door. "Marshall?!" She yelled, looking around. He wasnt in the living room, but he had come downstairs. She ran into the kitchen and stopped at the doorway, slightly out of breath.

"What is wrong with you? Do you know what your doing? Your fucking leaving for LA, right now. Your bringing a 6 month old baby, who has only been on a plane twice before, and If I remember correctly, he got an ear infection from all the noise. Your gonna bring him with you anyways?!" Marshall exclaimed, turning away from the sink to stare at her. The baby was curled up in his arms and looked so sweet and innocent, so unlike his father.

"Well, I sure as hell cant leave him here with you." She replied. "Give me my baby, Marshall."

Marshall hesitated. "No." He said flatly. As long as he had Marshall, Renae wouldnt leave, right? He could keep them both here, and work on talking to Renae.

"Give me my baby." She said calmly, although she was shaking with anger and she wanted to scream at him. She walked closer to him and Marshall held the baby tighter and backed up against the wall.

"Hes my baby too, and Im not giving him to you. Stay here with US or leave. Its up to you."

"Fuck you Marshall!" She yelled, causing the baby to start to fuss. "Hes coming with ME!"

Marshall scowled at her. "Stop yelling, look what your doing? Your making your son cry. This is why hes staying with me!"

"Look," Her voice softened suddenly and he raised an eyebrow, but still not letting his gaurd down. "You can have him, for now. Your right. I cant take care of him right now, I havent slept in 24 hours, I havent eaten, I am really stressed out and I dont know what to do. You can take him, okay? Just, be careful with him." She said quietly. "Take care of him, okay?"

"Yeah." He replied, staring at her suspiciously. She never gave up this easy, it made him nervous. Suddenly it hit him. She had said that she wanted to die, not more then 15 minutes ago, and now she was telling him to take care of him, and to be careful, saying that he could have him...That didnt mean she was going to- "Renae, when you said that you wanted to die, you wouldnt do that, right?" He asked, unsurely. "You'd never try to kill yourself, would you?"

"Would I?" She grabbed the sleeve of her shirt and pulled it back, and held it in his face. He could just barely make out a white line, going across her wrist faintly. His face went pale and he looked at her.

"How come I never noticed that before?" He asked.

"Because, you dont inspect my wrists. And I never thought to tell you, it never came up in conversation, and if it did, then maybe I wasnt in the mood to talk about it." She replied.

"When did you do that?" He asked again, his voice calm.

"A year before I got my deal. I was depressed and I wanted to die, I had nothing going for me at the time, no one was there to talk to, no one was there to stop me, so...I just, figured what the hell. I slit my wrist, and fortunatly it didnt cut deep enough for me to die, but I bled real bad." She looked down and put her sleeve back, and shoved her hands in her pockets, rocking back and forth on her heels.

"You would do that again, would you?" He asked, almost afraid of the answer.

She shrugged. "Hard to say. Probably not. Because, even though I lost you, I still have little Marshall." She bit her bottom lip and looked down at the ground.

He sighed. He knew how she felt. She didnt have him anymore, so she wanted the baby, the closest that she could come to Marshall. The one thing that connected them together. Marshall felt the same way about her. He thought that if he kept the baby, she would have to come back eventually and see him, and then he could see her. He didnt want to risk losing both of them.

"You havent lost me, Renae." He said quietly.

She ignored that, she didnt want to hear that, and she didnt want him to know that she heard that. "Look, I know, you dont want a divorce, but I really think, that would be best. Okay?"

"But, I still love you." He choked out, racking his brain for any possible reason that she shouldnt divorce him, any reason she should stay with him.

"You love me?"

"More then anything."

"Then let me go." She requested quietly.

"Let you go?" He said softly, tears stinging his eyes. "Renae, I want, oh god, I dont want you to leave. Please just," He stopped talking, the baby was resting its head against his shoulder, his eyes half closed. He rested his head against the babys and closed his eyes momentarily. "And what about Marshall? Huh?"

"I dont know. I just know that I cant do this anymore. I cant keep doing this, I dont trust you anymore. We can take turns with Marsh. When hes older, we can worry about where he stays, because hes going to need a stable enviroment. Im going out to LA today, and I'll look for an apartment." She sat down at the kitchen table, and rubbed her face with her hands.

"Theres no way that we can work this out?" He asked, one last time.

"No. Im sorry." She wiped the tears out of her eyes. "As soon as Ron gets here, Im leaving."

Ron was her bodygaurd, he prefered that she didnt leave the house without him with her, or a couple other people. He usually called around noon to see what she was doing for the day, what she needed, what the plans were, but today she had called him.

"Shit." He said under his breath. "I dont want this." He shook his head.

"I know." She bit her lip. She didnt want this either. This was the last thing she wanted. She wanted to stay here with him, forgive him, have things go back to the way they were, before this. Before things got so complicated. When things were so perfect, when no thoughts of divorce crossed their minds. She hated having to go through this. She loved Marshall, she really did want to spend the rest of her life with him. She could still remember the first day they met. That day in the parking lot right before the tour took off.

~~~~~~Renae was watching people carry peices of the set around. You wouldnt be able to tell she was a girl unless she spoke. She was wearing baggy blue jeans, that zipped off half way so that she could make them into shorts. EVen though it was hot in LA, she chose to keep them as pants. She had on a black, loose, oversized teeshirt that said, 'Theres definatly something wrong with me' across the front in white letters. Her long brown hair was pulled up and twisted up inside of the backwards cap.

She sighed and chewed her gum as she glanced around at the many people surrounding her. They were moving various peices of set equiptment, and putting bags on the buses. People on cell phones walked around talking, totally oblivous to anything going on around them. Loosing interest in watching them, she began to wander around the huge, crowded lot.

She heard a loud noise, and turned around abruptly, slightly startled, but still walking forward. She wasnt watching where she was going and she slammed right into Marshall. He snorted in annoyance as she backed away from him quickly. He gave her a menacing look.

"Watch where the fuck your going." He said in a threatening voice.

"Am I supposed to be scared?" She ased dryly.

"Whats wrong with your voice? You sound like a girl." He teased.

"I am..." She looked down at the ground, away from the puzzled stares of Marshall, Proof and Kuniva.

"Your a girl?" Proof asked in disbelief. She nodded.

"Why are you trying to look like a guy?" Marshall smirked.

"Im not TRYING to." She said, slightly annoyed.

"Wheres your hair?" Kuniva tilted his head to one side and inspected her. She shifted nervously.

"In, my hat." She said slowly.

"Your weird." Marshall concluded. "Who are you anyways?"

"My name is Renae." She said quietly, glaring up at Marshall. He was about 4 inches taller then her, and he seemed to tower above her.

"Damn! You that new bitch eh?" Marshall laughed.

"Dont call me a bitch, you prick!" Renae snapped at him.

"Ohh, come on guys. We's making the little girl mad." Marshall smirked and pushed past her. She turned around to watch him go, and scowled.

"Nice to meet you." Proof said as he passed her, following Marshall.

"Yeah, see ya." Kuniva said, following Proof.

"Bye." She mumbled, narrowing her eyes as Marshall turned back around to flip her off.

"Asshole." She muttered, rolling her eyes and glaring at his back as he laughed and talked with Proof and Kuniva.~~~~~~~~~~

That first time that they met, the first time they kissed, when he asked her out, the day that Marsh was born, the wedding day, all up until that moment that she came home and found him with Laura, seemed to blurr together and it seemed it was only them two, at that very moment. Just the two of them, sitting at the kitchen table, watching each other, reading each others thoughts, or at least, trying to.

Marshall finally couldnt take staring at her much longer, knowing he was going to lose her in a few minutes, and once she left the house, she wouldnt be back. They would get a divorce, and he would be forced to move on with his life, whether he wanted to or not. She would move on, and they would go their seperate ways, no matter what he said, did, or wished. There was no stopping this.

Renae stared at him, her eyes never leaving his, until she heard the doorbell ring. She took a deep breath, drawing strength, and stood up. "That'd be Ron then..." She trailed off.

"Yeah," Marshall stood up also. She looked at Marshall and then at the baby, and leaned forward, kissing the babys head gently and stroking back what little hair that he had. She looked at Marshall and blinked back tears. She could make it on her own. She had done it before, and she could do it again.

She looked down and then back up at Marshall and sighed. "Guess I better get going. Ill be back for Marsh, I'll call later this week." She backed away from him, walking backwards into the hallway, finally it got to intense and too upsetting for her to look at Marshall as she left, so she turned around, and didnt look back.