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For� the Engineers we all know and love...�

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Understanding Engineer Mentality �Take One � Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where �did you get such a great bike? " The second engineer replied, "Well, I was �walking along yesterday minding my own business when a � beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took �off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want. " The second engineer �nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't � have fit. " �

Understanding Engineers - Take Two � To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half �empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it� needs to be. ��

Understanding Engineers - Take Three � A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a �particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these �guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! " The doctor chimed in, "I �don't know, but I've never seen such� ineptitude! " The pastor said, "Hey, �here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. "

�[dramatic pause] �"Hi George, say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, �aren't they? " The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind �firefighters. They lost their sight saving � our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free �anytime. " The group was silent for a moment.� The pastor said, "That's so �sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight. " The doctor said, �"Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if �there's anything he can do for them.�

" The engineer � said, "Why can't these guys play at night? " ��

Understanding Engineers - Take Four � There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things � mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily �retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly �impossible problem they were having� with one of their � multimillion dollar machines.� They had tried everything and everyone else �to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on �the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. �The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a � day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" �in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where �your problem is".� The part was replaced and the machine worked � perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50, 000 from the engineer �for his service.� They demanded an itemized accounting of his � charges. The engineer responded briefly:�� One chalk mark $1 Knowing where �to put � it $49, 999 It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace. ��

Understanding Engineers - Take Five � What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? �Mechanical Engineers build weapons.� Civil Engineers build targets. ��

Understanding Engineers - Take Six � Three engineering students were � gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. � One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.� Just look at all the joints." � Another said, "No, it� was an electrical engineer.� The nervous system � has many thousands of� electrical connections. "� The last said, "Actually �it was a civil engineer.� Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a �recreational area? " ��

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven � "Normal people . . . believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. � Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features �yet. " ��

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight � An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was �better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he �enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an� enduring �relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of �the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both. " �"Both? " Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each �assume you are spending time with the other woman, and � you can go to the lab and get some work done. " ��

Understanding Engineers - Take Nine � An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and �said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".� He � bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.��

The frog spoke up �again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful � princess, I will stay with you for one week. " The engineer took the frog �out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.�

The � frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll �stay with you and do ANYTHING you want. " Again the engineer took the frog �out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.��

Finally, the frog asked, �"What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful � princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why �won't you kiss me? " The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I � don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."