.:Friday, March 16, 2001:.

Finals are here...

It’s that time of the school year I love the most! FINALS! Its the end of those sweating and mind boggling recitations. And to top it all, It's the end of the school year! Inspite of that fact, I dreaded getting my grades. It’s like dying… scary and exciting. It’s like having your tooth pulled for the first time, going out on a first date, having your first kiss. Your palms are sweaty; your mind couldn’t stop thinking. You are nervous. As you stand there before the secretary, scene flashes inside your head…then you get the piece of paper being handed to you by the secretary. You stop breathing and ask yourself, should I look at it now? What if I failed? Should I take a peek? What happens after really depends if you pass or if you fail.(*ahehehe, so anti-climatic!)

In my entire life as a student, I never get to experience “summer school”, however, it has its advantages… I get to have my rest, go to places I’ve never been, and visit my Lola in the province. Maybe this summer, I can look for a job and start making my own life. =) Enough ranting about school... oh yes, it’s 9 days before my birthday… I’m crossing my fingers… will I get to live ‘til then? I will. My birthday wish? I wish I can kill people and get away with it! Aahaha! I wish I can take all the worries and pain and suffering of the people I love. (*parang si jesus christ ahehehe! )Seriuosly , LIFE: I want to lead a happier life. LOVE: I wish.. I wishh…… what the hell., love is sucks! Hahaha! CAREER: finish school and get out of that hellhole. FAMILY: strong bond and health. FRIENDS: spend more time with them so we could hate our enemies together. Then party, party, paaaaaaaaaartyyyyyy!
posted by .:|kulasisi @ 2:14 PM|:.

Mama replied to the letter that I sent her…… it is a cliché, but she made me cry. I just can’t let the letter be hidden in my inbox forever. The letter reads:

bespren!

ano ka ba?! iiyak ako! kagigising ko lang e yun ang bumulaga sa kin! waaaaaa!!! well, i think you know how important you are to me naman din. sobrang important nga e, ikaw lang lagi ang gusto ko kasama. i think it's because of what you said, you're the only one who understands me thoroughly...i'm just really the jealous type...especially when i hear about other people who gives you a good time...ako lang! grrrr! hehehe! and you're right, life is a constant struggle and if you give up on petty things easily, you lose. it's not a question of being bitchy, but knowing that there are things you simply don't put up for. it's survival! for those who don't understand you, tough luck for them, shows their stupidity for not seeing the bright and colorful person that you are...same goes for me! wehehehehe! almost half of the happiness i experienced in my whole adult life i attribute to you, we have gone through so much i can't fathom how i would survive when i'm already far and you're not within grasp! well, i'll have to make do with calls and mails, but you know me! that can't make up for what we have now. THIS is real life now that i think of it, choosing what is best for your life doesn't necessarily mean it will make you happy, but you simply have to do it because otherwise, that happiness you have right now would not be enough to sustain your soul...because happiness hides itself in things not pleasant. the only way to achieve it is risking the wonderful life you have now and going through a lot of heartaches and constant pain, then when you look back at it all trust me, you'd smile a lot! this is what i'm sort of half-feeling right now, and i hope, even with all the sordidness attached to it, you would too. because nothing in the world is sweeter than seeing my best friend strong, successful, bitchy! hehehe! last note...thanks for putting up with me, i'll never find anyone like you, or greater than you, lesser...maybe but nevermind, she would be jologs and not worth my time! i'll love you forever... kisskiss, gorgeous jane

WE TRULY ARE A PAIR.
posted by .:|kulasisi @ 3:19 AM|:.

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.:Thursday, March 15, 2001:.

Letter for my mama

Dear mama,

Mabuhay! =) how are you doing? I’m in hotseat again….. lolz.. they freaked out when I got home late. Anyway, I just want to write u a letter… napapraning na naman ako. How many years na ba tayo? 8 years na no? tagal na pala…

I grew up with you, do u know that? when we were still in college, we used to talk about petty childish things..our dreams and hopes. Now we talk about LIFE! As in REAL LIFE. We still talk about our dreams but now we have to consider reality and all possibilities. Ang lufet ko no? You made me realize that life is not just fun, fun, and fun… it is a struggle… struggle to get things that you want.. a struggle to make yourself happy. Alam mo naman ang gusto ko di ba? I just want a simple happy life. Pero ang sabi mo nga…. Walang ganun. Life is a constant struggle..buti na lang I have you… my ate and my family. When I start to lose grip, when I start to lose faith in myself.. I think of you guys. Kasi kayo lang ang maasahan ko. There are so many possibilities that I’ll end up as failure. Haaaaay! People tend to mistake you for being mataray and masunget! E tama naman sila ahehehe! But they don’t know you the way that I do. To hell with them! care naman natin no?!

Have I thanked you for all the things that you have done for me? for sharing me your thoughts, you mind… and your life. Kadire no? nag-iinarte ako! Lolz. Di bagay sa personality ko! I just hope that I’ll be able to send this before I get ashamed of the things that I’m writing here. I’m really not good at saying mushy stuff. They make my skin crawl. Mahirap pala ang maging secured…. I really felt so undeveloped to the realities of life. o baka naman brat lang talaga ako? I’m going to be really really sad when u leave. Basta ako lang bestfriend mo! Dahil pag humanap ka ng iba, ipapatay ko yun! Lolz..

For the friendship and everlasting sisterhood…..
Para sa batchmate ko, sa mama ko., sa bestfriend ko-- *muaaaaaaaaah* *hugsssssssss* labyu!

Connie
posted by .:|kulasisi @ 11:27 AM|:.

I had 5 hours of sleep. It’s almost one in the morning, I should be sleeping right now. But obviously I’m not. I got hold of a copy of this song…..kinda old but the melody is so damn good, I can’t resist it.

"Minsan , kahit na pilitin mong uminit ang damdamin ay di susunod at di maglalambing.
Minsan , di mo na mapigil na mapansin na talagang wala ng naiwan na pagmamahal
At kahit na anong gawin ay di mo na mapilit at madaya
Aminin sa sarili mo na wala ka ng mabubuga

Parang isang kandila na nagdadala ng ilaw at liwanag
Nauubos rin sa magdamag
Di na madaig o mabalik ang dating matamis na kahapon
Pilit may tuyo ng damdamin….. "

Obviously the song talks about falling out of love…(*ok, here I am again…. Wushu!) What did floi said about love? Ah right, he said—Love does not suck…. It is falling out of it that sucks. Broken Heart sucks, Heartbreakers sucks! Nyehahahaha! And I realized—he is quite right. Lolz….. I’ve seen it from my friends…experienced it technically speaking. So that’s it. If only… and what ifs….. my list is getting longer and longer… I’m feeling a little drowsy now. Big day ahead---- got to have my rest now. My birthday is 10 days away….. and it’s gonna be great. Just great. (“,) For whatever it's worth, thank you.
posted by .:|kulasisi @ 12:40 AM|:.

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.:Wednesday, March 14, 2001:.

I'm going Crazy

i'm crazy for i take for granted things that are essential and think only of the things that i want.

Sometimes called Ungratefulness.

i'm crazy for i care for people who doesn't even know that i exist.

Sometimes called Love.

i'm crazy for i long for things that i'm aware that i can't get.

Sometimes called Hope.

i'm crazy for i like to do things spontaneously.

Sometimes called Free Spirit.

I'm crazy for if i am to choose between pleasure and business... i always end up choosing the former.

Sometimes called Relaxation.

i'm crazy for i live in a crazy world. hmmm..I'm just a crazy person living in a crazy world...person living in a crazy world..... i'm normal.

"....well i'm a man of many wishes, i hope my premonition misses.... but what i really feel, my eyes won't let me hide cause they always start to cry.....cause this time could mean goodbye.... "
posted by .:|kulasisi @ 7:59 PM|:.

Jane, Ailes and I met last night. It was the first time I have seen Ailes since she started working in a law firm. She stopped schooling and decided to work. I have the same dream, working in a law firm… getting first hand experience of what we have studied inside the classroom. Having my own money. Spending for my studies. She told us about her work. She makes the pleadings and other documents that should be done by the attorneys themselves. She would be the one to draft it and all the attorney has to do is to sign his name. I asked her about the salaries and benefits that she is enjoying… she started to freak out. Her salary: 5,000 php, that would be 2,500 every 15/30 of the month. They don’t even have a payslip. Her benefits: transportation allowance (*no taxis and FX’s) jus PUJ fare are reimbursed. Tsk! Tsk! She is being abused by her boss. And her boss is an attorney, the one who took the oath that he will uphold the law and blah blah, is actually the one breaking it. He is in plain words, a CROOK in disguise. The world is full of them, BEWARE.

posted by .:|kulasisi @ 6:51 PM|:.

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.:Tuesday, March 13, 2001:.

I had a terrible day at school.(*march 12,01) Well during the first subject at least. It was our last day today, on both subjects. That’s the only consolation that I got.

If I want to, I can take the bar this year. However,I have to transfer to another school. Pay my tuition for the past school year and viola! I can attend the Bar Review Classes and consequently take the bar. It is very tempting. I want my diploma. Especially now that our school is really a pain in the neck. I have a classmate who has not yet taken Legal Profession, a one-unit subject. And he is not graduating. If I can have my way, I’m going to do it. I’m not sure if I am ready or not…. As of now, my fondest wish is to get my diploma. In that school, a unit costs 400 pesos… in my present school a unit costs 750. I got to talk to my father about it. *sigh* And the finals shall be from March 26 up to April 3. In my old school, they no longer have classes….. (*I should stop reminiscing….it's making me sad and regret the actions that I made,daims)

Big day ahead, I have to attend my election law class. I hate the subject! Waaaaaa!
posted by .:|kulasisi @ 2:43 AM|:.

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.:Sunday, March 11, 2001:.

Neil's recent entry(*march 4, 01) really caught my attention -->> why blogs in tagalog?

I have been doing my blogs for 2 months now. I've read the past entries, and some of them are in Tagalog. But lately I find myself writing in English.

I am Filipino, Tagalog is my dialect .Now, why do I write in English?!

I have discovered that I'm not a good user of Tagalog, That whenever I write in Tagalog, my entries seemed to be senseless.
In writing in tagalog, I end up writing more that what I want to write. Meaning, the longer I write--- the entry becomes a story without a story... *nyaaks!*
There are certain words that I can't well say in Tagalog but sounds nice in English such as, *bleep* *blip* , and *bleeeeeeeeeep* all of which are curses by the way.
For academic purposes-- I get to check the mistakes that I have committed as to grammar, conjunctions, and sentence structure. Then I correct them. Kind of a seatwork for me really.....
I do not want to use Taglish...for obvious reason that it does not sound nice and there is no such Dialect or language. It is either I write in pure English or in pure tagalog. And besides, I don't want to sound like Kris Aquino. (*a lesson that I have learned from my past entries.... ahehe!)

Who cares if I commit mistakes? I don’t.

posted by .:|kulasisi @ 9:31 AM|:.

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