I dealt with a lot of deaths, I lost a lot of people that were really dear to me. Some died because their body had some kind of flaw, and some died of ignorance of people, and themselves. And some died because they just felt sorry for themselves. Either way they're gone. The first death I really remember was my great-grandmother, she died in 1986, and she was 86 years old. I was 7 years old, she died on a September, and I loved her, I remember visiting her in a home, and I was really sad about that because she was in a home. Her death was something that came natural. She was old, and her heart failed. I just remember being at her funeral, and looking into her casket, it was really hard for me because I always remembered her giving me kisses, and a whole bunch of candies. And there she was lying in her casket, and I was never going to see her again. And after a while, I was kind of happy because she got to live her life, and she had a lot of good life experiences, and she had a bunch of kids, it was a closure to a good life.

The Second death that really rocked me was my aunt Varina, she committed suicide. And I thought "Shit!, why did she have to go and do that?", it took me by shock. I was really overwhelmed by her suicide that I withdrawn from my life. She was my childhood playmate, she was like my big sister, and I loved her like my big sister, we did a lot of things together because she was only 2 years older than me. I remember she used to come visit me at my house, and she'd muscle me for my toys. But she stuck up for me in school, she looked after me like I was her little brother. She helped me a lot, and she put me in my place when I got to arrogant, or ignorant. She made me see the other persons point of view. She was really a great aunt, good sister, and a best friend to me. And it was really hard for me to let her go, and I still have to put closure on that one. The thing I learned from her death is "Don't feel sorry for yourself, because you'll just be a statistic. And that life gets better, you don't have to resort to suicide to ease the pain of suffering. There are some people who deserve to live, and yet people throw there life away like it were out of style or something." Its just a crying shame that people feel so sorry for themselves that they resort to suicide. I know depression is overwhelming sometimes, but it gets better, just when you think you've hit bottom and its too hard to climb back up it gets along. It gets better. There's so many things to live for, and the best way to feel better is to make somebody else feel good.

The third death was really a sad one, my Uncle Steven. He died in a hospital, he died of complications of his surgery. It made me look at my Aunts suicide in disappointment. My uncle before he died, he cried in my aunts arms. Because he wanted to live, and he was such a great man, he didn't drink, do drugs, or smoke. He deserved to live, he left behind a wife, and 4 children. He was just a super terrific guy. And it just puts life in perspective, one wanted to die, and one wanted to live. Its just screwed up, but its life, and its unfair, and by being unfair to everyone, that's what makes it fair. What I've learned from his death is "Live your life, because we are all so fortunate to have fully functional limbs, and we really take alot of things for granted." you know? Call that aunty that lives a couple of hours away, tell her that you've just called to say hi, and that you love her or something, show some appreciation, because you don't know what you've got until its gone.

The fourth death I've experienced was this summer (99) a lot of accidents claimed a lot of young lives, ignorance, lack of maturity and responsibility. Five young people died. Three Children. And two adults for the summer of '99. The first death was the day before my graduation, three of my cousins died in an automobile accident, then a fellow graduate of mine, Curtis Ross was in another automobile accident two weeks after we graduated. Then a drunk driver killed a girl I had counseled in 8 and 9, who so happens to be a daughter of a great teacher. What I've learned from these deaths is that "Death has no remorse, or prejudices, its not racist. It can snatch any person at any time, live your life like its your last day to live, but don't take foolish chances."

The deaths were hard to cope with, but life goes on, and it gives people a reason to keep on living, because we can still do something great with our lives. In a way it matures your coping abilities, and makes you stronger. Just appreciate life, and your friends, because you may not see them again. It catches you by suprise.

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