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| 22nd Birthday, Your Third In Heaven |
| Melanie, We are celebrating another birthday without you Mel. 22, to the day, Friday. I can't believe it has been that long. It just seems like yesterday that you were born. I can remember your birth so clearly. I remember how you started crying even before you were completely born and how startled the doctor was to hear your cries. I used to tease you (during our difficult teen-years) and say "that you were born mad at the world." I remember how you immediately started rooting for your thumb and found it, it is most certain that you sucked your thumb before birth. I remember how mad you used to get if I delayed nursing you and how you used to fight that bottle of water the nurses insisted I give you between feedings. We sure showed them when we got home and settled into a regular nursing routine, without the bottled water, and how you thrived. I remember your smiles and the twinkle in your eye as we shared warm moments together just you and I. I can't believe my smiling baby girl has grown up....and has now gone away. I miss you so. The balloons this year were purple, blue and white. I went to "Things of the Heart" , down town, to have them blown up this year. They would put the Forget-Me-Not flower seeds in the balloons for me. I didn't think they would ever get them all blown up, for we kept hearing the balloons pop. Finally they were all blown up and I had a time getting out the door with them and just as I was crossing the street, the wind picked up and I nearly lost them. You would have laughed to see me fighting those balloons, trying to get them into the car. It took several minutes with me poking and pushing and squeezing to get the balloons into the van, with the tailgate up it created a wind tunnel and they kept floating back out, but we managed to finally get them all in without popping any . By the time I got to the cemetery the ribbons were a tangled mess. It took a few minutes to seperate them so that we could send them off in the order I wanted without them going up in one big bunch. We tied messages to the ribbons again this year, Brittany and Gina helped me. I made poem booklets this year, enough for everyone to take one home as a memory gift. I found some pretty graphics of flowers, butterflies and balloons, and added them to the pages of selected poems I found. Poems about birthdays, balloons, memories and loss and tied them up with purple satin ribbon. It was also a gift from me to you. I brought you a vase of pink roses and left them at your grave. I arranged them while we waited for everyone to gather. There weren't many this year. Besides me and Brittany, there was Lisa, Gina, Miranda and Bobby. We released the balloons as usual, with 19 going up all at once. It never ceases to bring tears to my eyes, as I watch them float up into the sky. I am always taken back to the first time we gave you balloons. You were in the 5th grade and I sent a dozen balloons to your school on your birthday. It was very windy that day and I was worried you would loose the balloons when you came out of the school at the end of the day. I remember watching you, while holding my breath, fighting the balloons as you stood in line, waiting for me to pick you up. I remember the look of joy and delight on your face. No one in your classroom had ever received balloons at school before. I wish I had taken a picture. I cried when we read the poems from the booklet, each one hitting a chord in my heart. And even more tears flowed when Lisa requested that we sing "Happy Birthday." This seemed less than a happy occasion but one we couldn't let pass with out recognizing. Then we treked over to the park for a party. I used your favorite color for the theme. Table clothes of purple and yellow florals, paper plates and napkins with purple irises. I didn't bake your cake this year but I did decorate it. I purchased a white frosted cake from the bakery. It had green and yellow piping along the edges with sprinkles. I added your name in purple icing edged with flowers. I found some flower decorations and some colorful butterflies and created a butterfly garden on top of the cake. You would have ahhhed over it... as you always did. Daddy came by as well as Betty and Amanda. Amanda brought little Imelda Brooke. I can't believe how much she has grown and she is so cute. Lisa left from the cemetery to pick up Trent and she never returned. I don't know why. So the eight of us, and Imelda, had pizza and cake. We then sat around listening to your memorial tape and talked gently of you. There was just one new entry in your memory book this year. Betty was the only one to sign it. I went back to the cemetery later, before dark, and lit one of the purple candles I bought you for your birthday. I was dissappointed that no one else had been by. Trinity sent me a gift in your honor, for "Mother's Day." A Boyds Collector's Bear. A little brown bear, dressed in a dark green checked dress with a red collar that looks like a slice of water melon. She is wearing red pantaloons and has a red bow on her head. She is so cute. When I first opened the package, I couldn't figure out why Trinity had sent me a bear. Miranda is the one that collects bears. I collect butterflies. I looked it over good and only found the name of the designer, someone named TJ. I thought that must be it. Then I found Trin's note, that said to look at the name of the bear. I looked but couldn't find anything at first. Then on the back of the Name Tag there was a spot where the price tag had been. It had been peeled off but part of it had torn and stuck. I carefully peeled off the rest of the tag and found the name. "Melanie McRind." I will always cherish that bear and Trinity too, for sending it to me. The Mother's Day card enclosed was signed "Love, Melly." Happy Birthday! Melanie. I love and miss you. I hope there are balloons and cake, candles and butterflies, and soft cuddly bears in Heaven. Love, Mama 5/11/2001 Post Note: Kasey and Liz drove up the day after your birthday to visit. We had breakfast with them at Grandma's Pancake Barn. Afterward they visited you at the cemetery and took a drive along the road we adopted in your memory. On Monday I recieved a note from a woman in Canton. She found one of your balloons in her yard on Saturday. They didn't get as far as I thought they would this year but at least we heard from someone. I took the rose petals from your roses and scattered them on your grave. A bed of roses for you. |
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| For Melanie On Her 23rd Birthday |
| Saturday, May 11, 2002 |
| Mel, Today is sort of a blurr. I don't remember a great deal and due to a glitch in the computer my thoughts, that I had written in my journal, have been deleted so, I have to rely on my memory and that is not always clear these days. I miss you terribly Melanie. It is so hard to believe that you are gone. This year should have been a year of celebration. If things had gone as planned, you Melanie, may have been graduating from Western Carolina University this year. Graduations Day was May 11th this year. Your Brithday. We could have been celebrating two events on this day, instead, we sent up 23 purple balloons with messages to heaven. I could not bring myself to attend this year's graduation ceremonies at Western, but Miranda did, there to support and to congratulate friends, of both her and you, as they crossed the stage to accept their diplomas. Your birthday sneaked up on me this year...Sort of... The first three birthdays after you were gone were very painful and bittersweet but it helped me to continue with the birthday rituals as if you were here, only ~ now ~ in your hornor and memory. The first year I handled each birthday, holiday and special event in a mild stupor. Everything seemed so surreal and unbelievable. The second year was filled with a deep pain that I felt so deep in my soul. This past year the pain is softer but still there, just as deep, only scarred over some. I find myself getting angry just before any special event. I didn't realize it at first but suddenly I find myself short tempered and angry and less tolerant. Each time it hits me by surprise and I suddenly realize why I feel this way. Normally I am an organized person and plan things weeks in advance and have everything ready when the times comes. But for the past year I unconsciously have put things off until the very last. Burying the thoughts deep in the recesses of my mind. Birthdays, Christmas, Valentine's Day and now your birthday. Weeks ago I knew what I wanted to do for your birthday and had the things planned. Then suddenly your Birthday was here and it was a matter of getting the energy and stamina to carry thru all of my plans. I had the balloons. Trinity weeks ago sent me a box full of balloons, light purple and dark purple, enough to last for several years. I bought your cake this year and decorated it myself. I made a large butterfly from purple and white silk flower petals glued to a cardboard cut out. It turned out beautiful. I added other butterflies and lady bugs with white and purple flowers as decorations on your cake. It looked like a flower garden. Prettiest cake I have ever decorated so far. Your birthday, this year Mel, was a somber and sobering one. Seems like no-one remembered or chose not to. It was just me, Brittany, Lisa and her little boy Trent. Mandy wouldn't come either. She stayed with her boy friend. We went to the cemetery and released the balloons. All purple. We first sent 19 up, the age you were when you died, and then 4 more for 23, the age you have been and one more for luck or one to grow on. I put some tags on some of them and then we took a magic marker and wrote messages to you on others. The last one I sent up I wrote "Some Day I will be able to let you fly Mel." (I just can't let go yet). This balloon lingered over us for a long time. The other balloons just sailed off. Finally it took off and slowly followed the others. We then blew some bubbles and then read some poems. During this time a car full of people on the main road slowed down and watched us. They even had the gall to pull onto the cemetery road and drove past us real slow, guawking at us. I guess they thought we were nuts. I don't much care. But it made us feel a little uneasy. We then went and got some burgers and fries and took them to Mark Watson Park. By this time it was twilight. We spread our picnic out on the table and ate while the lightening bugs started their twinkling accent to the tree tops. Afterwards we lit the candle on your cake and sang "Happy Birthday." Britt and Trent blew out the candle. Afterwards Brittany played with Trent in the park whle Lisa and I talked and remembered you. Later we went back to the cemetery and lit a candle. Today I went back to the cemetery to add some water to the arrangement of roses I made for you. They have bloomed out so pretty and you can smell them the minute you get out of the car. Of course that could also be Honey Suckle. It is blooming. I remember how you loved Honey Suckle Someone else had been there since last night. They left a bouquet of pink roses and there was another bouquet of three roses with greenery and mixed flowers. I asked around to see who left them but none of the family had. I guess someone remembered though. Happy Birthday Melly. I love you Mama May 11, 2002 |
