Ferengi

FERENGI RULES OF ACQUISITION

Rule:	Source:
The Unwritten Rule: When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up.	? Voyager...
1. Once you have their money, you never give it back.	[Rom, "The Nagus"]
2. You can't cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try.	??
3. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.	[Quark, "The Maquis Part II"]
4. A woman wearing clothes is worse than a man in the kitchen.	??
5. If you can't break a contract, bend it.	??
6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.	[Zek, "The Nagus"]
7. Keep your ears open.	[Odo, "Hands of the Prophet"]
8. Small print leads to large risk.	[TFRA (p6)]
9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.	[Nog, "The Storyteller"]
10. Greed is eternal.	[Quark, "Prophet Motive"]
11. Latinum isn't the only thing that shines.	??
12. Anything worth selling, is worth selling twice.	??
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.	[TFRA (p9)]
14. Anything stolen is pure profit.	??
15. Acting stupid is often smart.	??
16. A deal is a deal (...until a better one comes along.)	[Quark, "Melora"]
17. A contract is a contract is a contract. (But only between Ferengi.)	??
18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.	[Ben Sisko & Nog, "Heart of Stone"]
19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.	[TFRA (p12)]
20. When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat.	??
21. Never place friendship above profit.	[Quark, "Rules of Acquisition"]
22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind.	[Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"]
23. Money can never replace dignity.	??
24. A bargain usually isn't	??
25. There's always a way out.	??
26. As the customers go, so goes the profiteer.	??
27. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.	[TFRA (p16)]
28. Whisper your way to success.	[Nog, "Treachery, Faith, and the Great River"]
30. Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money.	??
31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother.	[Quark, "The Siege"]
32. Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects.	??
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.	[Quark & Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"]
34. War is good for business.	[Quark & Dax, "Destiny"]
35. Peace is good for business.	[Quark & Dax, "Destiny"]
39. Friendship is temporary, profit is forever.	??
40. She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.	[TFRA (p23)]
41. Profit is its own reward.	[TFRA (p24)]
42. What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too.	??
43. Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon.	??
44. Never confuse wisdom with luck.	[TFRA (p25)]
46. Make your shop easy to find.	??
47. Never trust anyone whose suit is nicer than your own.	[Quark, "Rivals"]
48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.	[Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"]
50. Gratitude can bring on generosity.	??
52. Never ask when you can take.	[TFRA (p28)]
57. Good customers are as rare as latinum, treasure them.	[Quark, "Armageddon Game"]
58. There is no substitute for success.	[TFRA (p30)]
59. Free advice is seldom cheap.	[Quark, "Rules of Acquisition"]
60. Keep your lies consistent.	[TFRA (p33)]
61. Never buy what can be stolen.	??
62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.	[Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"]
65. Win or lose, there's always Hyperian beetle snuff.	[TFRA (p36)]
68. Ear stroking will get you anything.
69. Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
70. Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about getting the merchandise.
72. Never trust your customers.
73. If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.
75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.	[Quark, "Civil Defense"]
76. Every once in a while declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.	[Quark, "The Homecoming"]
79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.	[TFRA (p41)]
82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price.	[TFRA (p42)]
85. Never let the competition know what you're thinking.	[TFRA (p43)]
89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, ask what you can do for your profits.	[TFRA (p44)]
93. Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly.
94. Females and finances don't mix.	[TFRA (p46)]
95. Expand or die.	??
96. For every rule, there is an equal and opposite rule (except when there's not)
97. Enough...is never enough.	[TFRA (p47)]
98. Every man has his price.	[Quark, "In The Pale Moonlight"]
99. Trust is the biggest liability of all.	[TFRA (p48)]
101. The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.
102. Nature decays, latinum last forever.	[Quark & Nog, "The Jem'Hadar"]
103. Sleep can interfere (with profit) [cut off]	[Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"]
104. Faith moves mountains...of inventory.	[TFRA (p50)]
106. There is no honor in poverty.	[TFRA (p51)]
109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.	[Quark, "Rivals"]
111. Treat people in your debt like family. Exploit them.	[Ben Sisko, "Past Tense, Part I"]
112. Never have sex with the boss's sister.	[Quark, "Playing God"]
113. Always have sex with the boss.	[TFRA (p56)]
116. There's always a catch.	??
119. Sometimes, good things come in small packages.	??
120. Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet.	??
121. Everything is for sale, including friendship.	[TFRA (p58)]
123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.	[TFRA (p59)]
125. Count it.	??
135. Never trust a beneficiary.	??
139. Wives serve, brothers inherit.	[Odo, "Necessary Evil"]
141. Only fools pay retail.	[TFRA (p61)]
144. There's nothing wrong with charity...as long as it winds up in your pocket.	[TFRA (p62)]
146. Necessity is the mother of invention. Profit is its father.	??
153. Sell the sizzle, not the steak.	??
162. Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.	[TFRA (p63)]
169. Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.	??
172. If you can sell it, don't hesitate to steal it.	??
177. Know your enemies...but do business with them always.	[TFRA (p64)]
181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.	[TFRA (p65)]
189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.	[TFRA (p66)]
190. Hear all, trust nothing.	[Ben Sisko & Nog, "A Call to Arms"]

191. A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.	??
192. Never cheat a Klingon...unless you're sure you can get away with it.	[TFRA (p67)]
194. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.	[Quark, "Whispers"]
200. If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.	??
202. The justification of profit is profit.	[TFRA (p69)]
203. New customers are like razor toothed gree worms, they can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.	[Rom, "Little Green Men"]
208. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.	[Zek, "Ferengi Love Songs"]
211. Employees are the rungs on the ladder to success. Don't hesitate to step on them.	[Frool, "The Bar Association"]
212. Never give away for free what can be sold.	??
214. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.	[Quark, "The Maquis Part I"]
215. Sometimes what you get for free costs entirely too much.	??
216. Never gamble with a Telepath.	??
217. You can't free a fish from water.	[Quark, "Past Tense, Part I"]
218. Always know what you're buying.	[TFRA (p71)]
219. Posession is 11/10 of the law.	??
223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.	[TFRA (p72)]
229. Latinum lasts longer than lust.	[TFRA (p74)]
231. There's a sucker born every minute; be sure your the first to find each one.	??
236. You can't buy fate.	[TFRA (p75)]
239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.	[Grand Nagus Gint, "Body Parts"]
242. More is good...all is better.	[TFRA (p76)]
255. A wife is a luxury...a smart accountant a necessity.	[TFRA (p77)]
256. If profit comes between family, buy a new family.	??
261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.	[TFRA (p78)]
262. A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.	??
263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.	[Rom, "The Bar Association"]
264. Follow the rules of acquisition, unless they stand in the way of profit.	??
265. The customer is always right... until you get their cash.	??
266. When in doubt, lie.	[TFRA (p79)]
267. If you believe it, they believe it.	??
270. In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator.	??
273. Never trust a hard-working employee.	??
277. Anyhthing worth fighting for is worth hiding from.	??
278. A bribe could soon bring profit.	??
279. Anybody can sell anything once. A true businessman will get them to buy it twice.	??
280. Once you sell something - if you can steal it back, do it and sell it again.	??
281. Profit is best derived from theft.	??
282. Never allow honor to stand in the way of your quest for latinum.	??
283. Everything is yours... you just have to figure out how to get it.	??
284. Deep down everyone's a Ferengi.	[TFRA (p80)]
285. No good deed ever goes unpunished.	[Quark, "The Collaborator"]
286. When Morn leaves it's all over.	[invented by Quark]
299. Whenever you exploit someone it never hurts to thank them. That way it's easier to exploit them the next time.	[invented by Neelix]

Revised Rules For the "Modern Ferengi"
The revised rules are from the "Prophet Motive," when the Prophets de-evolved Grand Nagus Zek into a Ferengi with a value system not based on profit. The rules that Zek declared were not accepted, and all copies were destroyed, after Zek was returned to normal. TFRA indicates that the rule is from the paper back book The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition. Though the book is an official one, the legitimacy of those rules is still questionable. 1. If they want their money back, give it to them. [Quark, "Prophet Motive"]
3. Spend as much time on an acquisition as you need to.
6. Your family comes before opportunity
7. Keep your ears open and be honest.
8. Small print is harder to read.
9. Opportunity plus instinct equals a satisfied customer
10. Greed is dead. [Quark, "Prophet Motive"]
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for a happy customer
16. A deal is a deal is a deal.
17. A contract is a contract, is a contract, is a contract, that must be honored
18. A Ferengi without profit is a Ferengi who works for charity.
19. Satisfaction is always guaranteed
21. Never place profit before friendship. [Rom, "Prophet Motive"]
22. Latinum tarnishes, but family is forever. [Rom, "Prophet Motive"]
23. Money can never replace dignity. [Rom, "Prophet Motive"]
27. There's nothing more dangerous than a dishonest businessman.
31. Making fun of a Ferengi's mother is insulting something he cares about.
33. Work hard for the boss.
34. War is bad for business, it kills your customers.
35. Peace is always good for business.
40. She who touches your lobes, must also share your Latinum.
41. Profit is not the final reward.
44. Wisdom and luck go together, share them.
47. A person who has a nicer suit then you is someone you can learn from.
48. The bigger the smile, the smarter the customer
49. The bigger the smile, the wiser the customer.
52. Always ask before you take.
57. Treasure your customers as you would Latinum.
58. There is no substitute for honesty.
59. Free advice is always cheep.
60. Let's you and him talk.
60. Don't lie
62. The riskier the road, the greater the rewards
65. Huyperian beetle snuff is bad for you.
69. Ferengi will not take advantage of other races.
75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are for honest business deals.
76. Always strive for peace, it confronts the your friends
79. Seek Vulcan for there knowledge.
82. The flimsier the product, the lower the price.
85. Be honest with your competition.
89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what your profits can do for the needy.
94. Females and males share finances.
95. Expand honestly
96. For every Rule, there is the golden Rule.
97. Enough is enough
99. Lies is the biggest liability of all.
102. Both nature and Latinum decays.
103. A good nights sleep can enhance opportunity.
104. Faith can move mountains.
106. There is no honor in greed.
109. Dignity and an empty sack is priceless.
111. Treat people in your debt like family, take care of them.
112. Respect your boss's sister.
113. Never have sex with the boss.
117. You can free greed from Latinum
121. Everything is for sale, but friendship is forever.
123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of friendship.
139. Families inherit.
141. Everyone pays a fair price.
144. There's nothing wrong with charity as long as it winds up with the poor.
153. Sell the steak, not the sizzle.
162. Even the poor profit in the worst of times
177. Know your customers, and do business with them honestly
181. Dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
184. A Ferengi wants to make a honest bid.
189. Its important to keep your reputation, let other keep their money..
192. Never cheat a customer, even if your sure you can get away with it.
194. Treat your customers as you would treat your family.
202. The justification for profit is honesty
203. New customers are like family, treat them honestly, and they will be back.
211. Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success, treat them fairly
214. Feed you partners before you begin business negotiations.
216. Never cheat a customer.
218. Free is free, pass it around.
219. Possession is not 11/10 of the law.
219. Always buy at a fair price.
223. Beware the man who steals
229. Pride last longer than Latinum.
236. You can't cheat fate.
239. Never mislabel a product.
242. The price of greed is to high.
255. A family is a necessity, a accountant is a luxury.
261. A Ferengi must have a conscience.
263. Never lust for Latinum.
266. When in doubt, tell the truth.
284. Deep down everyone's a honest Ferengi.
285. A good deed is its own reward. [Rom, "Prophet Motive"]

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws