A Backstage Romance copyright 2000 Lauren Friedman (Scene: Backstage at a rehearsal for Romeo and Juliet. NATALIE and MORGAN are dressed in T-shirts and blue jeans. They stand with ERIC, who is wearing all black, except for his flaming red hair, which is rather unkempt. All three are talking quietly. The end of Act V, scene 3 can be heard from the other side of the set.) (Capulet: This is my daughter's jointure, for no more Can I demand) NATALIE Isn't it just wondrous to know how needed we are? ERIC Don't be bitter yet, Natty. They'll be begging us for help next week. MORGAN We are unappreciated, Eric. ERIC That's just what we get for being Tech, Morgan. NATALIE Yeah. So, how long have you two been going out now? MORGAN The end of this play- closing night, actually- will be our ten-month. NATALIE Wow. What are you two gonna do? MORGAN Good question, Natalie. What are we gonna do? (Prince: For never was a story of more woe Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.) ERIC That's for me to know and you to discover, dear. (A door opens in the set and RENARD sticks his head in.) RENARD Eric? Morgan? You're needed. (He closes the door and disappears.) ACTORS! TAKE A QUICK BREAK! (ERIC and MORGAN hurry around the set after RENARD. Enter WYNN, in full Shakespearean dress.) WYNN Hey, Natty. NATALIE Well, hello, Lady Capulet. WYNN Yes, loyal tech. So, still pining away over Eric? NATALIE Oh, shut up. I am completely over him. We went out like, a year ago. WYNN Come on, Nat. If you were anymore in love with supertech, you'd... well, no. I don't think you could be any less over your breakup with supertech. NATALIE Oh, please don't call him that, Wynn. WYNN What should I call him, then? NATALIE Anderson. WYNN Anderson? NATALIE That's what Cea and I call him, when he or Morgan're lurking around. WYNN But why Anderson, of all possible names? NATALIE I just really don't want it getting around that I still have a crush on him, and Anderson is nothing like- like his real name. WYNN You do still like him! (Enter BRADLEY, through the set. He kisses Wynn on the cheek) BRADLEY Who likes who? WYNN Natty likes- NATALIE -nobody! Natty likes nobody. BRADLEY Does this nobody happen to be her ex and parade around in black all the time? NATALIE You leave me alone, Bradley Tonen! Just cause you're my best friend's icky boyfriend- WYNN Hey! I was nice when you went out with Eric. And Kyle, that creep. This is my time. BRADLEY Our time, Wynn. Ours. NATALIE Oh, gag me with a fork. RENARD (from the other side of the set) CREW! NATALIE Gotta go. (NATAILE and three other TECHIES scurry around the set.) BRADLEY So, Natty still likes our stage manager? NATALIE Yup. Eric Black. Hmm. He sure has an appropriate name. BRADLEY Yeah. Eric Black the man in black. WYNN Boy in black, dearest. He's only in High School. BRADLEY But he's a senior. If he's still just a boy, what does that make me? WYNN A junior, like the rest of us. BRADLEY Hey, Wynn? Why did Natty and Eric break up, anyway? WYNN If you ask him, she didn't love him. If you ask her, it's because she's a loser and can't handle relationships. (Enter ERIC, through the set.) ERIC Oh, good, lord and lady Capulet. You, my dears, are getting a costume change for the final scene. Morgan and Natty are with Renard right now going through the books, but we're going to need your measurements, again. Krista lost them. WYNN Skill. I guess Krista isn't going to be head tech when you're gone. ERIC Nah. That'll probably go to Morgan, Natalie or Wyatt. WYNN Speaking of Natty, what do you think of her, anyway? ERIC She's dependable. It's good to have someone like Natalie to be able to fall back on. WYNN Anything else? ERIC She should smile more. She's really quite pretty when she smiles. But if you mean romantically, never again. Anyway, she has a tan. WYNN Not everyone can be a pale vampire like you, Eric. ERIC That, my dear, is because they don't exist. BRADLEY Morgan is your dear, Black. Wynn is mine. (BRADLEY wraps his arms protectively around WYNN) ERIC Morgan is Morgan, Tonen. I love her and she loves me, but like all females, she is no one's possession. WYNN But it is romantic to be someone's, sometimes. ERIC How long have you two been going out? WYNN Almost six moths. BRADLEY Closing night is our six-month anniversary. (As BRADLEY says the preceding sentence, he kisses WYNN between the words "six," "month," and "anniversary") ERIC Really? That's the night of Morgan and mine, too. Ten months. WYNN Ten months? BRADLEY Wow. That's a lot of time to spend with one chick. (WYNN elbows BRADLEY in the stomach sharply) Owwww. ERIC What can I say, I really love her. BRADLEY (Rubbing his stomach, with a wary glance at WYNN.) You must. WYNN Isn't closing night Cea and Duncan's one-month anniversary? ERIC It's a very popular day. WYNN We should all- RENARD (from around the scenery) WYNN! BRAD! WE NEED YOU FOR A FITTING! (As WYNN and BRADLEY exit, NATALIE enters from a door, stage right.) NATALIE Hey. ERIC Hello. NATALIE Um. So- ERIC Do you think we'll be able to pull off the ballroom scene the way Renard wants it? I mean the music? NATALIE Hey, who's senior tech here? ERIC Me. Just trying to get some input. NATALIE Okay.. I think the music will be easy. ERIC But? NATALIE How'd you know? ERIC Who's senior tech here? NATALIE Okay, the problem is gong to be the lights. Renard is asking a lot of the booth, but Val and Eugene have a superior handle on the spot, anyway. ERIC Very good. NATALIE Thank you. So, have you chosen who you're going to have replace you? ERIC Well, things may change, but right now you, Morgan, and Wyatt are my main contenders. NATALIE You do know that Wyatt is in the immersion program, right? ERIC Damn. Why do all the good techs want to learn Japanese? NATALIE I have no idea. ERIC I guess that means you or Morgan are my first choice. NATALIE What about the others? ERIC Krista is just too scatterbrained, Val and Eugene are too specialized, and Troy is a senior. None of them are going to be any good. But you're a junior, and you'll have lots of time to pick someone new. And Morgan's a sophomore, so she'll have lots of time to be in charge. (Enter MORGAN) MORGAN Please don't ever leave me alone with Renard again, Natalie. NATALIE Sorry, Morgan. MORGAN So, how long are we going to be here tonight? ERIC Couple hours, babe. NATALIE Why? MORGAN I'm starved. It's almost seven. ERIC Don't ya just love double rehearsals? MORGAN Whee. NATALIE You want to order a pizza for the crew? I'm sure Krista and Troy would appreciate it. MORGAN Okay, I'll go poll the crew. Just cheese, right? ERIC Pepperoni. NATALIE No. Extra cheese. MORGAN Why don't we just get two? ERIC Fine. But call he cheap place. Their pizza is the best. NATALIE Except for the fact that they marinate it in grease! ERIC That's the best part. MORGAN He has a point. Besides, no one has enough money for two expensive pizzas. The cheap place it is. Now, I'm going to poll the crew. (ERIC kisses MORGAN on the cheek, and MORGAN walks off stage left) NATALIE Eric? ERIC (Still staring after MORGAN.) Hmm? NATALIE You're going to marry her someday, aren't you? ERIC Well, it would be nice. (Something catches ERIC's attention off stage.) Be right back, looks like Morgan needs me. (Romeo: Can I go forward when my heart is here?) (Enter WYNN and BRADLEY, through the stage right door. They stop to talk to Natalie) BRADLEY Where'd Eric get off to? NATALIE He's over there, (gestures stage left) with his cancerous attachment. They're polling the crew in conjunction with pizza types and dinner. I think Troy is giving them a hard time about ordering from the cheap place. BRADLEY Do you think he knows where my longsword is? NATALIE Why don't you go ask him? BRADLEY Fine then, I will. (Exit BRADLEY) WYNN You know what? NATALIE No, what? WYNN You should tell Eric how you feel. (Romeo: He jests at scars that never felt a wound.) NATALIE Morgan and me are probably going to split head tech when Eric's gone. WYNN How? NATALIE One as Stage Manager and one as actual head tech. WYNN I asked what he thought of you. NATALIE Him as in Anderson? (WYNN rolls her eyes, but nods) I'm going to kill you. (NATALIE waits a second, then leans in closer to WYNN) What'd he say? WYNN Quothe the Eric, "Smile more." NATALIE No way. Did he say anything else? WYNN He doesn't like your tan. You know, its going to be weird with you as head tech. Building stuff, ordering people around, playing with the power tools... What if you break someone? NATALIE Don't you mean something? WYNN No, I don't. And that's the kinda scary part. (During WYNN's line, ERIC enters, with BRADLEY following him.) ERIC For the last time, Tonen, I don't keep track of your props. You do. BRADLEY But Eric- ERIC No! BRADLEY Natty? NATALIE What, Brad? BRADLEY Will you help me find my longsword? NATALIE Sure. But this is the last time. BRADLEY Oh, thank you, Natty! I love you! WYNN Oh you do, do you? BRADLEY Of course! NATALIE Of course. Come on, Brad, let's go check the dressing rooms. (NATALIE and BRADLEY exit tough a door, stage right.) RENARD QUIET BACKSTAGE! WYNN Eric? ERIC Hmm? WYNN Do you think you and Morgan will ever.. Well.. You know, break up? ERIC No. WYNN Would you ever- hypothetically, of course, Lets say Natty liked you. Would she ever have a chance in hell of catching your eye again? ERIC I would give you a big hypothetical no. WYNN Oh. Why? ERIC I have Morgan. WYNN What if Morgan dumped you or you broke up or something? ERIC Why are you asking me all these questions, Wynn? WYNN I'm just curious. ERIC Natty still cares about me, doesn't she? WYNN I know nothing. (Romeo: Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?) ERIC Well that's obvious. But does Natty still care about me? WYNN Why does it matter? ERIC She does. WYNN I said nothing. (Enter BRADLEY, hurriedly.) BRADLEY We have a situation, Wynn. ERIC Excuse me? WYNN Shit. Where is he? BRADLEY Audience. WYNN Her? BRADLEY Prop room. WYNN How long do I have? BRADLEY A couple minutes. Maybe more. WYNN Oh, shit. (WYNN scurries off through the stage right door.) ERIC Feel like enlightening me, Tonen? BRADLEY Natalie's latest ex, Kyle is lurking around. She'll freak out if she sees him, so Wynn is going to run interference. ERIC What's so bad about this Kyle character? BRADLEY Well, he really, really, hurt Natalie. ERIC How? BRADLEY It's a long story. ERIC Just a second, then. (BRADLEY and ERIC are both silent.) (Juliet: But are you not Romeo? And a Montague? Romeo: Neither, fair maid, if either thee dislike.) ERIC You don't really have an entrance for a while, do you? BRADLEY Well, I have enough time to tell you the story, if that's what you mean. ERIC So? Are you going to tell me? BRADLEY Why not. Natty dated Kyle for three weeks, earlier this year. Right after you. At the beginning of the second week, he told her he loved her. Natty, of course, being Natty, believed him. She then got the flu and missed a week of school. By the time she got back, Kyle had not only transferred out of her journalism class, he had tried to hook up with Wynn, Cea, and just about every other girl in a six-mile radius. He finally found some girl named Candy. They're still together. ERIC What a sleaze. BRADLEY I know. And it was.. well, you could say it was right after she was accused of not loving someone who she really did. ERIC Poor baby. (Enter NATALIE and WYNN, around the set. NATALIE is visibly shaken, and WYNN has one arm around her shoulder.) WYNN (leading NATALIE to a chair near ERIC and BRADLEY.) C'mon, Natty. Just sit down. NATALIE I hate him. Oh, god, I hate him so much. (BRADLEY and Eric rush to NATALIE's side.) WYNN I know, Natty. I know. Shhh. RENARD WYNN MCKENNA AND BRADLEY TONEN! STOP MESSING AROUND BACKSTAGE! YOU'RE THE UNDERSTUDIES, YOU'RE SUPPOSTED TO BE WATCHING THIS! BRADLEY Shit. Natty? NATALIE Go. WYNN Thank you. (Pulls Eric aside, and speaks hurriedly) You talk to her about tech. About being a stage manager. Anything but romance. You mention romance to her once and I will personally tear out all your ear hair and feed it to you. Got it? ERIC It's not exactly rocket science, McKenna. Now go. (WYNN and BRADLEY race around the set, as ERIC moves to stand next to NATALIE. After a few seconds, he puts his arm around her, but she tenses up visibly and cringes.) NATALIE: Don't touch me. (The next word is almost an afterthought.) Please. ERIC: I'm so sorry, Natty. But you're going to be a stage- NATALIE: (Almost screaming) Why are people like Kyle allowed to live? RENARD: SILENCE BACKSTAGE! NATALIE: (more quietly) Why has no one killed him yet? ERIC: I 'm sorry he hurt you, Natty. NATALIE: Why won't he just go away and leave me alone? ERIC: If I knew, I'd tell you. NATALIE: I can't take this much longer. ERIC: You know what? NATALIE: What? ERIC: This is my theatre, and this is a closed rehearsal. (With great enthusiasm.) I'm going to go throw him out. (Eric turns to leave) NATALIE: (Jumps up) NO! (Cringes and waits for Mr. Renard to yell. When he doesn't, she whispers) I mean, no. Please don't. I'm not sure if Kyle saw me, but if he didn't, I'd rather he not know I'm here. Oh, god, I hate him. ERIC: You have every right to, Natty. (Very slowly, he places his hand on Natalie's shoulder.) (Juliet: Do not swear at all; Or if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self Which is the god of my idolatry And I'll believe thee.) NATALIE: (Studies Eric's face.) You know? ERIC: Tonen told me. NATALIE: Ton- oh. Brad. He's great. He and Wynn are so cute together. She's so lucky to have someone like him. ERIC: You could have someone like that, too. If you really wanted someone like Tonen. Eugene told me once he thought you were kinda cute. NATALIE: Eugene? I'm not interested in Eugene. The guy I'm interested in isn't interested in me in any way. ERIC: How do you know that? NATALIE: He has a girlfriend, m'dear. (Romeo: Oh, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?) ERIC: I'm sorry. NATALIE: You say that a lot ERIC: Sorry. NATALIE: We've gotta get you to stop that. ERIC: Well, sorr- (They both laugh) Yeah, I guess we do. RENARD: ERIC! ERIC: (sigh) Be right back. He's probably looking for Darien. He's playing hooky, and they can't do the next scene without Friar Lawrence. Are you gonna be okay? NATALIE: I'm fine. Go. (Natalie watches as Eric starts to run around the set.) NATALIE: (whispers) Goodbye, love. ERIC: (turns back) Did you say something, Natty? NATALIE: No. No, I said nothing. (Juliet: Hist! Romeo, hist! Oh, for a falc'cer's voice To lure this tassel gentle back again!) (As Eric exits, Morgan enters through the stage right door, which is significantly behind Natalie.) NATALIE: (as Morgan walks closer.) I never say anything. MORGAN: Excuse me? NATALIE: Oh, Morgan! I'm sorry. I didn't see you come in. MORGAN: I went around back to avoid our dearest director. He's being a tiny bit psycho again. (Morgan turns to face the set and holds up her middle finger.) Take that, jerk. You know nothing. NATALIE: Um, okay. MORGAN: Sorry, he just completely tore apart Krista, and it wasn't even her fault this time. NATALIE: Jerk. So, how much do I owe for pizza? MORGAN: Two bucks. NATALIE: Are you sure that's it? MORGAN: It'll get you three pieces. NATALIE: Works for me. (Pulls out a wallet and gives Morgan two crisp dollar bills.) Does Renard know we're ordering it? MORGAN: Hell no. You know the dick-tator's policy on food during rehearsal. (Finally realizes she's still flicking off the set as she tries to take Natalie's money, and lowers her finger) NATALIE: Well, isn't he going to call dinner break soon? MORGAN: I hope so. NATALIE: You're that hungry? MORGAN: Starved. NATALIE: Me too. I could eat.. Um.. (Adam, an actor in Shakespearean dress walks behind Natalie and Morgan.) You, Adam. Yes, you look absolutely scrumptious. ADAM: (frightened) Buh? MORGAN: Go about your business, Tybalt. (Adam looks at Natalie timidly, before slowly backing away.) NATALIE: Was that really mean? MORGAN: Yes, but it was funny as hell. NATALIE: (Laughs) Wasn't it? MORGAN: Why does such a timid actor play our boldest character? NATALIE: Because when he actually acts, you know how brilliant Adam is. I sometimes wish I could act that well. MORGAN: Hey, Natalie? NATALIE: Yeah? MORGAN: Do you... I mean... you don't... Oh, shit. Are you over my Eric? (Mercutio: A challenge, on my life.) NATALIE: Whoa- what? Of course I am. I mean, there's nothing wrong with him, its just that- MORGAN: It's just that I've seen you look at him. I know that look you get in your eyes when he touches you or smiles at you or pays attention to you. And I know how lovable he is, Natalie. I'm dating him, remember? NATALIE: Morgan- MORGAN: You aren't. NATALIE: No- MORGAN: It's written all over your face. Its okay, Natalie, you're a good person and I trust you. NATALIE: Morgan, you have to know I'd never take him. Never even try to. I don't have a chance with a guy like that, after the way our relationship ended last time. You do. You were luck enough to get the muchly sought-after Eric Black. And I'm beyond happy for you. MORGAN: (hugs Natalie tightly) You're a good friend, Natalie. Eric is right. (enter Wynn) WYNN: Natty? C'mere! NATALIE: Be right back, Morgan. (Natalie trots over to Wynn, and they exit through the stage right door. Morgan sits in the chair Natalie left. Enter Eric.) (Benvolio: Here comes Romeo! Here comes Romeo!) ERIC: Morgan? How much is the pizza, my sweet? MORGAN: Two bucks. (Eric pulls two crumpled bills out of his pocket.) ERIC: Here. MORGAN: Thanks. How much longer 'til the dinner break? ERIC: What time is it now? MORGAN: (Glances at her watch) Seven-ten. ERIC: Five or so minutes. Do you have someone waiting in the lobby for the pizza guy? MORGAN: Of course I do. That's what Wyatt is good for, remember? ERIC: Yeah. That's what all freshmen are good for. MORGAN: I know.. It's a good thing you're not dating one. ERIC: Sophomores are just so much more loveable. (They stare into each other's eyes, until Troy walks behind Eric and hits him, playfully, breaking the trance.) ERIC: Watchit, Troy! MORGAN: (laughing) Do you really think we're really going to be able to pull this play off in two weeks? ERIC: If there's anything we're worrying about, it should be if Krista'll lose the script or the lighting scheme. MORGAN: Yeah. Poor Eugene and Val. They're depending on her. (Mercutio: The slip, sir, the slip!) ERIC: Poor Eugene and Val? Poor everyone that has to depend on her. She kinda deserved to be ripped by Renard earlier. MORGAN: Eric, no one deserves that. ERIC: But we've had to get some measurements three or four times because of her. I bet when she graduates, they'll open up some closet and be attacked by papers with light maps and actor measurements on them. I don't know how her boyfriend stands her. MORGAN: Krista has a boyfriend? ERIC: Yeah. Nice guy, too. MORGAN: Oh, wait. Is his name James or Jacob or something? ERIC: Jordan. MORGAN: I've met him. He is a nice guy. So, are you going to let Krista work next show? ERIC: I don't know. But right now, it's a slim yes with fifty-fifty chance of incoming no's. Have you thought about collage yet, Morgan? MORGAN: Well that was sudden. What do you mean? ERIC: Do you know where you want to go? MORGAN: No. I know what I wanna be, though. ERIC: Yeah, well, I know what you want to be, too. MORGAN: Oh yeah, then what do I wanna be? ERIC: My date to the prom. MORGAN: Hmm. I don't know.. (Eric grabs Morgan and kisses her on the lips.) (Romeo: Nay, good goose, bite not!) MORGAN: (detangling herself from Eric and laughing) Okay, okay! I'll go with you! ERIC: Good. It could hurt my rep if I went with someone else. MORGAN: Oh, speaking of someone else, did you have any idea that Natalie still has a crush on you? ERIC: Yes, did you? MORGAN: When were you planning on telling me? ERIC: Well, when we got a chance to actually talk. MORGAN: You're not- (Eric grabs Morgan's shoulders and stares in the her eyes.) ERIC: Morgan Gordon, do you honestly think I am in love with Natalie? I know her little sister, remember? MORGAN: Eric, I am Natalie's 'little' sister. ERIC: Well, jeez, Morgan, ya think? Hmm. Morgan and Natalie Gordon live in the same house, have the same parents and the same last name, but they're not sisters? Duh? MORGAN: Shaddup. (enter Natalie) NATALIE: Um.. Eric? We just got a call from Eugene and Val in the booth about a ghost light on the board. They need you. ERIC: Of course they do. Do you know what light it is? NATALIE: Um.. twenty-seven or twenty-nine. E: Fine. (sighs resignedly and exits around the set.) (Romeo: I will follow you.) MORGAN: (hits Natalie playfully) Staring after him whimsically is my job, sis. NATALIE: Well, you get to have him everyday. At least let me look. MORGAN: There ain't nothing wrong with looking. NATALIE: (muttering) Isn't anything. MORGAN: What? NATALIE: Isn't anything. You said 'ain't nothing' and that's a double negative, plus it's crappy grammar. MORGAN: Yeah, I'll crappy grammar you in a minute. NATALIE: You're angry at me.. you didn't tell him, did you? MORGAN: Didn't have to. NATALIE: What? MORGAN: I asked if he knew, and he did. NATALIE: How? MORGAN: You're supposed to be smart, you figure it out. NATALIE: Wynn? My best friend is my loathéd enemy? (Nurse: ...if you should deal double with her, truly it were an ill thing...) MORGAN: Natalie, I believe you've been working in this theatre way to long. NATALIE: What makes you say that, Morgan? MORGAN: You just said 'loathéd' and I think you've begun to speak in iambic pentameter. NATALIE: You're losing it, sis. No one speaks in iambic pentameter. Not naturally, anyway. But I'll give you the loathéd thing. MORGAN: Why do you like Eric, Natalie? NATALIE: Because I can't have him. MORGAN: That's a really crappy reason. NATALIE: Well, then, your majesty, sophomore queen of relationships, why do you like him? MORGAN: Because, your majesty, junior queen of broken hearts, he's sweet, loving, kind, and well.. Everything I've ever wanted in a guy. NATALIE: That's why I liked him. Not that I'd ever have a chance with him again. Man, did I ever screw that up. MORGAN: You keep saying that. You have such a negative self-image. NATALIE: Maybe it'd be better if I was you, Morgan. (Nurse: Before, and apace.) RENARD: OKAY, CUT! I NEED ALL CREW AND ACTORS OUT FRONT NOW! MORGAN: After you. (Bows and gestures to the set) NATALIE: Thank you, m'dear. (Begins to walk toward the set) (Morgan waits for Natalie to pass her, and then she follows. After a few steps, Natalie reaches back and puts her arm around Morgan's shoulders. They exit together, through the set door as the backstage clears. Blackout.)