| Dust Bunnies and Memories I received a call from the nursing home where my Mother is that her diamond cluster ring was missing. They had hunted through the linens and everywhere and couldn't find it. I wasn't angry at anyone but myself, I should have removed all three rings when she had been admitted. My Mom is a stubborn woman and at that time I couldn't have taken them from her. This ring was her original engagement ring, with diamonds around it in a dinner ring setting. I knew that my Grandmother's opal and my Mom's diamond wedding band had to be removed before they disappeared also. Her hands had been swelling at times and then so thin, the rings would slip around. Her Grandmother's black opal was unusual, special and sentimental. One day two weeks ago, the opal ring had disappeared. We looked everywhere, under the bed and through closets and clothes. I like to think it was a whisper from God, but something told me to look under the wheel of her bed, there it lay with the dust bunnies. I tried to take the rings then and Mom kicked me in the shin. She was feisty. "You will get them when I am gone," she bluntly told me. It grieved me to take lotion today and work on Mom's left ring finger, her wedding band. I remember the year and store where my Dad had taken her to pick it out. It was lovely, 5 large quality diamonds across the band and in 1959, the price was $300.00. My Dad was a carpenter and it took a lot of savings to get that for her. She called all her friends as soon as she got home. I remember the tears of joy in her hazel eyes. Now I was causing tears of sadness by pulling that same ring off. I promised to lock it up. I wish I could try to keep alive the memories also but there are so many special things two people share alone. When I look at my wedding ring, those feelings and mind photos rush in. I was taking away her reminder. Now, she just kept repeating "everything is gone". I don't know what she thinks anymore, probably that I am being cruel. I didn't know what to say, her face crumbled like a precious child, heart broken. Someone had taken her favorite doll, only something much more important. How would I feel if my wedding ring was gone suddenly and I was confused, confined to bed? Panic, fear, desperation, loss, I would look all over and since I couldn't get up, all I could do is wonder. I would be frightened; imagining someone bad might have stolen it. What if they came back? Was I safe? She wouldn't remember it was me that took the rings. Would she try to get up and then break a hip? I would feel so responsible, "if only I hadn't taken the ring, it's only money and it is hers?" But she had included in her will that the jewelry would be mine someday. I knew that if she was lucid, she would want me to have the rings. She has Alzheimer's but there are moments of lucidity, she looks at the picture of her and Dad. Does she remember him returning from World War II, their children's births, making love? Does she remember the two of us on each side of his bed at home when he died from cancer with a sweet smile on his face? The feeling of warmth around his body was so comforting. I believe I felt his spirit move. But then I feel him around me all the time and it helps, I have to talk to him about Mom. She speaks about him quite a bit, sometimes telling me they are planning a trip, when she awakes from a dream. He is also on television occasionally in her world. But sometimes there are mean creatures and bad people chasing her too. You never know. Driving home, tears running down my face, I realize that these are material things. They can't be easily replaced. But they aren't love and family, only symbols. I prayed the kiss on her lips and "I love you, Mom, and will see you tomorrow" took away the hurt. I placed her pink teddy bear I had bought her, next to her snow white soft hair. She looked like a radiant angel with a shiny unlined face. She gently smiled. A lovely pink lavender sky guided me home. Kathie Stehr 12/01/02 |
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