Words of Encouragement

"Lindsey!" Meredith caught up with me as I was turning the dial on my locker. She dropped her backpack on the floor by her feet and opened hers.

"Hey Meredith. Taylor." I nodded at the short girl accompanying her, although most girls look short compared to Meredith. By the number of times I'd seen them together, not to mention how similar their appearances were, although Taylor's eyes were brown and her hair straight, I'd guess they were best friends.

I bet they do everything together like Zac and I do... or did. I sadly corrected myself. This would be day number three of seven left for me and Zac, for those of you counting.

"Hey," Taylor smiled in my direction before leaning against a set of lockers.

Taylor is Zac's brother's name.. why is every little thing reminding me of him? I thought in frustration. Last night had was rough, for I hadn't let myself pick up the phone and give Zac his "scheduled piano lesson interruption phone" call, as we liked to call it. Although music was in his heart, it certainly wasn't in his fingers. Besides, it just didn't feel right for us not to talk on a Thursday night, no warm smell of microwave popcorn in both our houses, no typical making fun of ER through cordless phones. Sadly, it had just been me, only one bowl, and one ugly George Cluney. I'd also turned off the ringer; no need for him trying to get ahold of me.

"What's up?" I asked Meredith, switching my thoughts.

"I talked to my coach last night.." She paused, waiting for a reaction from me. The only one she got was a blank look, one of my eyebrows slightly raised.

".. My hockey coach?" She said, her voice raising at the end as if asking me a question.

"Oh, ok.." I replied slowly, wondering where she was going with this. In my confusion, I didn't hear a familiar friend approaching our direction.

"I told him how good you were the other day at goal-tending, and he wants you to come to practice tonight to tryout for the team." She replied, her eyes flashing with excitement.

"Oh, I don't think-" I immediately started.

"She'll be there." Zac answered for me as he threw his arm around my shoulder, clamped his hand over my mouth, and cut off my objection. I jumped, not seeing him sneak up behind us.

"Nmph-" Since I couldn't speak very well, he received a very dirty look from me. I stared crossly at him, hoping I could burn off that little grin on his face with my gaze. No such luck.

What the heck is wrong with him?

"Great! Be there around six-thirty?" Meredith asked, throwing her backpack over her shoulder and shutting her locker. After I tried shaking my head no, Zac grabbed it with his other hand and forced me to nod it yes. After giving me a strange frown and uneasy smile, she departed with Taylor.

"How weird was that?" Taylor whispered to her after they were out of earshot. She glanced over her shoulder, watching me try to pulverize Zac behind their backs. Catching her watching me, I stopped and pretending to brush off his shoulder, smiling faintly after them.

"Lindsey's kind of.. different." Meredith explained. "But Zac's cute."

"She can play hockey?" Doubt rang out in Taylor's soft voice as she remembered my less-than-athletic figure.

"No one was more surprised than me. That's a sight to see." Meredith smiled.

"Well, a little exercise wouldn't hurt." Both girls dissolved into giggles.

"What the hell did you think you were doing!?" I continued to beat my armfull of books into Zac's chest and shoulders after Meredith and Taylor had disappeared around a corner, my voice ringing out in a high-pitched complaint.

"Doing you a favor." He cried in response, holding up his flimsy notebook in defense. "Here, take it out on the pre-calc."

"Shut up, Zac." I lowered my hands and spun away on my heels, my fingers gripping my books tightly with frustration. However, the last thing I wanted was an argumentative scene with him in the crowded hallway.

Some favor.. more like pure public humiliation. I sighed, wondering how I was going to get myself out of this as I walked quickly away from Zac. At least it makes it easier for me to stay away from him.. what nerve! Of all people, he should know how I'm always a spectator, never a player; always a bridesmaid, never a bride. I'll never have a moment, but I can accept that.

"Lindsey.." He called after me. Being seven inches taller, including his two steps for every one of mine, it only took a few seconds for him to catch up with me. He stepped in front of me and started walking backward so I'd see his face.

"Don't be like this." He pleaded, throwing me a false sad look. Although normally it made me cave into giggles, today was an extreme exception.

"Don't be like that," I shoved his shoulder roughly as I picked up my pace and brushed past him.

"Linds." He grabbed my arm and yanked me to a stop, causing my books to slip out of my hands and crash onto the floor.

Great, right in the middle of an in-between class rush, I sighed, bending down to pick them up in the now-crowded hallway. Someone nearly nudged me over in the back as I reached for my English novel. Even worse, some jerk chose to kick my science book across the hall. Not giving up, Zac weeded his way through the mass of classroom seekers to retrieve it.

"Sorry about that. I didn't mean to make you drop your books." Glancing up into his soft brown eyes, filled with concern, I knew he was being sincere. Standing up again, I closed my fingers around the book he held out to me and smiled.

"That's all right. But I'm still mad at you!" Always the mature one, I turned around and marched to class.

"You'll get over it!" I heard him faintly call after me. Glancing at my watch, I realized he'd given up chasing me because his class was on the other side of the school than mine.

Gee, now I can't wait until Math, I thought sarcastically. There wouldn't be any means of escaping him in there.

"Lunch. Outside. Big, ugly tree in the courtyard. Now." I came up to JoAnn at the end of fourth period. She was still sitting in her seat, so engrossed in a book she was completely oblivious to the fact she was the only one still in the room. She's passionate that way. Sometimes I admire it, but other times, like now, it was annoying. I'd already spent the first half of lunch just looking for her.

"All right. I have something I need to tell you too." She understood, raising her eyes from the book she was reading to mine.

Bless you Jo. I thought, watching as she silently gathered her stuff up and followed me out.

"What's up?" She finally spoke up when we were outside, completely alone. We hadn't come out into the courtyard for 'girl chat' since last year, when JoAnn was worried her family might be moving again. Her father worked for the Navy, accounting for the fact she and her mother had been shipped almost all over the country by the time she was eight. Her staying in Tulsa for the last year was almost a miracle. I remembered her crying on my shoulder in fear of leaving after the last day of school, and then hearing her excited squeals on the phone hours later, announcing she was staying longer. Needless to say, she wasn't the only elated one that afternoon.

I couldn't imagine never having a place to call home, I've never lived anywhere else during my short fifteen years on this planet. Even the sight of our school, a two-story brown brick building in the shape of a rectangle, with an open courtyard in the center, felt familiar to me. It had been built over an open flat field, but in the last twenty years or so neighborhoods had sprouted up like wildflowers, including the ones Zac and I lived on. Zac's family had moved near mine nine years ago to the month. Despite all his numerous brothers and sisters, the spunky kid my age and I had latched onto each other for companionship since day one.

Quit thinking, I scolded myself, remembering why I needed to talk to JoAnn. Ironically, it was about Zac.

"You're not eating with Zac today?" She noticed, taking a seat against the large, gnarled (hence "ugly") tree in the center of the courtyard. Its trunk was so wide, if you leaned against it, people walking past couldn't tell anyone was out here. Oh, how I wished I could just lean up against that tree and be swallowed by it. Then I wouldn't have any more problems.

But that would be the easy solution, I reminded myself glumly.

"No, I'm furious with him." I let out a loud sigh, plopping down in a patch of soft grass next to her. After rolling over onto my stomach, I absently ran my fingers over the tiny green blades, watching how the shadows shifted with my random hand movements before my eyes.

"Spill it." She commanded. I glanced up, watching a breeze toss black locks of hair around her face.

"How do you do it?" I asked her, staring into her violet eyes.

"Do what?" She asked, opening her lunch. I watched intently as she took a chocolate Pop-Tart, can of pop, bag of Goldfish crackers, and an apple out.

"Apple?" I noticed the out-of-place food item ("One of these is not like the other" ..sorry).

"Doctor's appointment this afternoon." She explained with a grin, chomping at it.

"Ahh," I nodded my head. I should've known.. typical JoAnn.

"How do I do what?" She asked again, her mouth full with apple. Another typical JoAnn habit.

"How come you're so.. strong? I mean, you don't care what anyone else says or does."

"Easy. Like you said, I just don't care."

"But how do you stop caring?"

"You.. I mean, I guess you just.. do. I dunno." She shrugged, tossing her hair over her shoulder and nibbling on her Pop-Tart. "Does this have anything to do you mad at Zac? Because he's someone you should care about."

"It's not that I don't care about him, I do." Damn too much. "But he.. said something the other day that upset me."

"Guys are butt-heads." She scoffed, waving her other hand in the air dramatically. "They say stupid things whether they realize it or not. Greg spends half his day with his foot stuffed in his mouth."

"Are you sure?" I asked skeptically. "I mean, it really hurt. I've heard it from other people all the time.. just never him."

"Whatever Zac said, I'm sure he didn't mean it the way it sounded. Come on, you're his best friend."

"Yes, but.."

"He adores you, Linds." She assured me.

"Anything but," I snorted loudly, rolling my eyes at her choice of words. "He has a death wish, that's for sure. He had the nerve to sign me up for goalie try-outs at the rec. center tonight."

"You'd be so awesome at that!" Expecting her to be on my side, she surprised me with her enthusiasm. "Face it, you know everything about hockey. Why wouldn't you be good at it?"

"Look at me," I said bitterly, my arms sweeping gestures around my body. "I'm not exactly in the most athletic of forms."

"To hell with athletic form. Don't you wear enormous equipment in hockey?" She scrunched up her face, trying to remember the sole game I'd dragged her to last season. It has been the most boring afternoon of her life that day, turning into the last game I'd ever invite her to come watch with me. I had enough spirit for her, she explained to everyone now.

"Yeah.. especially the goalie.." My face brightened as I caught on to what she was implying: No one would really see me.

"Yeah." She agreed with a smile. "And since you stay in front of the net, you don't skate around all that much, right?"

"Actually, the goalie is the best skater on the ice." I corrected her.

"That makes absolutely no sense." She stared at me, frowning. "I will never understand that sport. You can skate, can't you?"

"Since I was seven," I replied mildly. "Only about ten times better than Zac," I smiled, remembering his clumsiness. That was the real reason he wasn't a forward already, not his shots, his strength, or his energy. The boy simply couldn't skate extremely fast and stop without falling down.

"There you go! You go and be the best damn goalie that you're capable of, which is awesome by what Zac's been saying, and show those people you don't give a flying fuck about what they think of you."

"Something like that, Jo." I grinned. I sat up and hugged her shoulders roughly.

"I'm so glad that you ended up staying here.." I whispered into her ear. "What would I do without you?"

"Probably get on with your life normally," she laughed loudly. Little did I know, it was nervous laughter. She patted my arm tentatively.

"You're not so bad yourself, Linds." Her smile disappeared as she ran her fingers over my hair and hugged me back. She replaced it immediately as I lifted my head, hearing wistfullness in her voice. I looked at her, confusion in my eyes.

"Thanks. I'm done complaining now, so what were you going to tell me?"

".. Nothing. Just good luck." She swallowed and smiled tightly. The ringing bell told us we better get out butts to class.

"Yea, Metzner." JoAnn said sarcastically, not one drop of enthusiasm in her voice. I laughed.

"JoAnn, you're the best." I threw my arm around her shoulder, she slipped hers around my waist, and we walked silently to class that way, ignoring the occasional strange glances from passer-bys.

Are you ignoring me? -Z

That was scrawled on a small piece of notebook paper on my desk. I caught it fluttering in the air after throwing my books on my desk, before it hit the ground. Glancing at Zac next to me, he motioned for me to reply, his fingers scribbling an invisible pen onto his palm. I rolled my eyes and sat down. Picking up a pen, I wrote:

No. -L

Refusing to look at him, I passed it back, opened my notebook, copied the homework assignment for tonight off of the chalkboard, and prepared the one to turn in today. In the loud shuffling of papers that occurred while we passed them all in, Zac threw me another note.

Yes you are. I tried calling four times last night and couldn't find you today at lunch. :-( -Z

I closed my homework notebook and stuffed it into my backpack. Straightening up in my seat, I pretended to adjust the usual bun in my hair, wanting to take a long time before replying to that.

I was busy then and needed to talk to Jo today. -L

As Metzner droned on about special cases of derivatives, our written conversation developed. I'm sure it's much more interesting than our lecture, so I'll leave out the math:

Why couldn't you talk to me? -Z

Took me a second to think of that reply, so I pretended to take tedious notes, even though I already knew what Metzner was talking about.

I couldn't find you.-L

B.S. We always sit together at lunch.

Well, I needed to talk to JoAnn.

About what?

Apparently, he wasn't going to give up. I thought for a moment.

Girl stuff.

B.S. again! You're not that type. What were you talking about?

Damn, I thought while reading the note.

He knows me too well. This would be harder to get around than I first thought.

Hockey.

You still upset about this morning?

YES.

Well, I'm not sorry for that :-)

What!? Jerk..

I'm a jerk for recognizing your hidden talent?

Now who's full of B.S.?

You are.

Whatever, Zac.

You still don't believe me?

No.

Fine, but you'll see tonight. I'm coming to make sure you show up.

Damn. I scrunched the note into a ball with my fingers and sighed. I was fighting a loosing battle.