Peanut Butter and Pickles

Ordinarily, there comes a time in a girl's life when everything seems way too complicated. I can assure you that hormones don't help, they only make things worse. Sitting across from my former best friend, his car idling in the middle of the street of downtown Tulsa as we sat with our arms around each other, I became painfully aware that we were making an incredibly stupid mistake.

"Zac.." I broke away from him with a whisper. "We shouldn't do this."

"Yes we should." he whispered with a grin and leaned forward to make up the distance between us. Sighing, I turned sideways and leaned back in my seat.

"No, we shouldn't." I replied, not realizing that wasn't offering much of an explanation. Not that I could blame his confusion; I was the one who'd grabbed him most recently, but this was ridiculous. Embarrassingly ridiculous.

"Linds," he frowned, turning back towards the steering wheel. "You make absolutely no sense."

"Maybe." I half-smiled, leaned against the passenger side door frame, and gazed outside the window on my right.

"You want to at least give me a reason why?" he asked, a hint of exasperation in his voice.

"Not really." I smiled wryly.

"Figures," He snorted and rolled his eyes. "At least you're consistently not making sense and not telling me why."

"Fair enough." I could admit to that much. The two of us fell into a very awkward silence, the murmur of the cars' engine was the only sound as we drove to the edge of town. It took a few minutes of further awkwardness before I glanced over at Zac. Despite the darkness of the hour, I caught flickers of the street lights in the corner of his eyes, noting a somber look across his face that made my stomach twinge. Things are never awkward between us, why so much now?

"Zac..." I reached over and punched his right arm with my knuckles. I dropped my smile when he didn't budge.

"..Zac?" I rubbed his arm lightly. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, then flicked his eyes forward without flinching.

"Ok, now you're just being stupid." I dropped my hand and placed it in my lap.

"I'm stupid!?" He asked increduously before listing my recent faults. "You've basically treated me like crap for weeks. You've completely ignored me, won't talk to me anymore, I try to help you out tonight, then you kiss me and tell me not too."

As much as I needed to hear them, the words stung to hear. But that didn't prepare me for his next statement:

"You're a really terrible best friend Linds."

Well, not much to say after that, I thought sadly, the realization that this just wasn't going to work. Except..

"Pull over." No point in making this more painful than it needs to be. At least I recognized the neighborhood; it was only about a thirty minute walk, wobbly heels and all, to my house.

"Fat chance." He scoffed.

"Please pull over." I said firmly, bitting my lip to prevent the tears welling up in my eyes from spilling over. "Now."

"Not a chance. We're almost there." He said, swerving off the main street onto a side road.

"What?" I glanced around, then sighed reluctantly when I recognized the area. "Rivers Park?"

"Yes," he said, pulling into a parking spot and twisting the ignition key into the off position. "This is for your own good."

"Do I have a choice?"

"No."

"Great."

Fifteen minutes later..

"Are we there yet?" I asked for the fifth time.

"No." Zac replied, practically dragging me behind him by the wrist. "And stop dragging your feet. It's irritating."

"Why are we here again?"

"Quit saying that too." He said firmly, yanking me forward before coming to an abrupt stop.

"Hey!" I struggled not to slam into him as my feet wobbled as my heels touched the hard surface of concrete. "What gives?"

"You don't remember this place?" He asked, turning toward me and looking at me for the first time since we'd left the car. Glancing around, I couldn't help but feel nothing but confused.

"The bears fountain?" This was obviously Zac's way of repaying me for something.

"You swear you don't remember this?" He swept his arm around us.

"Sure I do." I replied, glancing ovr this shoulder. "It's bronze bears in a fountain."

"Not the bears!" He cried, grabbing both of my arms and shaking me gently and raising his voice. "You don't remember coming here every weekend? The picnics along the Arkansas River? Skipping pennies into the fountain? Eating sausages at Oktoberfest until we puked?"

"That was last year." I pointed out with a roll of my eyes. "What's the point?"

"What's the point?" He asked softly, his amber eyes looking deep into mine. "The point is that, one year earlier, everything was fine. We were friends. We told each other everything. No secrets."

"Zac, I..." I started, not liking where this was going.

"Now, it's like I don't even know you anymore. Can't we just go back to the way things were before? Please?"

"..." I sighed, glancing around the park. The moonlight glistened sharply against the black water of the fountain pool as it splashed down the rocks beneathe the mother bear statue and her cubs. I sat down on the cool cement edge of the fountain, distant memories of running under the pear tree blossoms and hoping the wind would blow hard enough that they would flutter down like snowflakes. Quiet shady afternoons were best spent relaxing beneath the shady trees, tossing unwanted bread crumbs from peanut butter and pickle sandwiches to the ducks. And sharing the fact that Zac was the only other one in my world who appreciated a good peanut butter and pickle sandwich and the fact that I could always eat more than him. Everything was simple. Everything made sense.

"Do you see what I mean?" Zac slid next to me, resting his elbows on his knees. "Let's just go back to how things were before you hated me."

"I never hated you." I glanced at him before stooping my shoulders and looking down. "It's complicated, but it wasn't really about you. You.. you were right. I am a terrible friend."

"About time you took some responsibility." Zac leaned into my shoulder with a nudge. "It's probably not completely your fault."

"Gee thanks." I still couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"I just meant Samantha wasn't a good idea. I must have a weakness for blonde hair, blue eyes, and big boo-"

"Enough, I get it." I glared at him. "Very touching speech. Good for any after-school special."

"I'm not done." He smiled. "She wasn't exactly the nicest of company all the time."

"Really." I asked, sarcasm dripping with every letter of the word.

"Not like you." I felt another warm nudge on my shoulder. With the hint of a smile, I half-heartily nudged back.

"C'mon." He stood up and offered his hand to me. I glanced at his palm, pale against the moon's rays. After what felt like an eternity, I smiled shyly and placed mine into it. Despite the fact that we didn't feel the need to say more on the subject, still, it felt like things couldn't be the same.

"Lindsey, where on earth have you been!?" Was the screeched greeting I received not two steps into the front door.

"Hi Mom." I replied sullenly. Great.

"Lindsey, do you know what time it - Oh, my Lord!" She came to a hault at the sight of me in the front foyer. "(Dad's name), get down here, quick!"

"What's the big deal?" I asked, kicking off my shoes and watching them clatter across the tiled floors.

"(Dad's name)! Now!" Mom ignored my question, "Now!"

"Mom, what-" "Oh my gosh, what happened to you?" Heidi bounded down the stairs and stopped in mid-step. "You look like shit."

"For crying out-" I started, my cheeks flushing pink for one reason: the fact that Zac had walked me to the door. Do you think they could've waited for him to leave before the interrogation?

"What gives Linds?" I heard him whisper hoarsely into my ear.

"Nevermind." I muttered in response. "Nothing new, at least."

"What?" My mother practically screeched. Before I could respond, I heard thundering footsteps pound down the stairs into the entryway, where Zac and I seemed to be pinned. It was all I could do not to run back out the front door and slam the door behind me.

"Lindsey, are you all right?" Great, get Dad involved too.

"I am fine." I glared at all of them, starting with Mom. "I just want to go to bed. Upstairs. Alone."

"You spend way too much time up there." Mom interjected with a look of concern on her face. "Alone."

"It's nothing," I sighed, stepping aside her and realizing this had the potential to be even more awkward than the prior conversations with Zac, since he was witnessing the conversation. And I'd had enough, for one night.

"Far from it, young lady." Mom grabbed my upper arm tightly, pressing her fingertips into my skin. "This has gone on long enough."

"Oww," I yanked away from her. She immediated grabbed my arm again, tigher.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I mumbled.

"I think you do." She retorted in a voice as tight as her fingers.

"Forget the fact that you repay my kindness by ripping your dress and ruining your hair and shoes." Great, here we go. I rolled my eyes.

"Mrs. Williams," Zac started in my defense. "That wasn't really-"

"I'm not finished." She shook my arm until I looked at her, glaring through slitted eyes. "Your date called more than hour ago to say that he couldn't find you at the dance, so he figured you were at home. Your principle called because he was concerned about your grades dropping. You're rarely home. You don't eat. You don't sleep. And you're too skinny."

"Too skinny!?" I yanked my arm away again. "That's pretty harsh, even for you."

"Lindsey," my dad interjected. Glancing up, my cheeks flooded pink when I noticed the open-mouthed stare on his and Heidi's faces. "That's enough."

"That's the point!" I cried, pointing an accusing finger at Mom. "It's never enough. Not for her!"

"Enough." Mom cried, her fists clenched tightly. "I am not responsible for this. But I will fix it."

"But I-"

"Zac, goodnight." The coolness in her voice thrust a chill inside me. Made me wish she'd start yelling again.

"Mrs. Williams, Lindsey-" he tried again.

"Zac..." Mom reiterated, still staring at me through narrowed eyes. "Thank you for bringing Lindsey home. Now say good-bye."