Remember When

"Well.." I managed to croak the word out of my dry mouth, before stating the obvious: "We're here."

"Sure are." How David could manage to sound so cheerful was beyond my wildest imagination.

Oh wait, that's right. I remembered. He doesn't actually attend this school, so he probably also thinks everyone is nice.

"Wait right there!" David's scolding voice broke through my thoughts as I'd reached absently for my door handle. My hand hovered in mid-air as I glanced at him curiously.

"That's my job." He smiled and nearly jumped out of the driver's seat. He obviously must've paid more attention in Driver's Ed than me, for we had a lovely drive from my house to dinner and from dinner over to my school. Well, lovely except for the thick, awkward silence that kept interrupting our feeble attempts at a conversation for the last fourty-five minutes, not that I'd been counting.

"Thank you," I forced out a smile as David opened the door for me. Male manners was a new discovery for me, compared to Zac's typical 'Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out,' offer.

"Your welcome," David returned my smile warmly and shut the door behind me. My thoughts clouded briefly as I examined the details on his face, sensing good intentions and a warm heart behind his equally warm eyes. Unfortunately, I failed to notice the obvious until it was too late -

Rrripp. I heard the sound as soon as I'd taken barely one step.

Oh please not... I silently prayed and looked behind me.

"My dress!" I cried in horror at the now-tattered piece of fabric that hung in the now-closed passenger's side door.

Not exactly the way to start the dance, is it? I scolded my absent-mindedness.

"Can't get anything right, can you?" I muttered to myself as I picked up the back of my skirt, examining it for any extremely obvious signs of damage.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry," David apologized profusely, mistaking my comment to be directed at him. "I.. I-didn't see your d-dress.."

"No, it's ok," I reassured him with a knowing smile. "I was more talking to myself."

"As long as you don't mind me butting in the conversation, you're still my date." He teased gently.

"That I am," I smiled, placing my hand across the forearm he offered me. "So let's get this over with already."

"That's the spirit!" As David winked as we headed to the front door, I couldn't help but wonder if he had eye twitching issues.

As much as the prom committee was a waste of my time, I had to admit the site of our school's cafeteria took my breath away. Large glob-like lanterns floated sporatically in the air, casting a soft, romantic glow off the navy blue and teal-colored balloons that completely covered the ceiling. Even my team of unenthusiastic food planners had come through, I noticed, grinning at the sight of all my supposedly stupid ideas, according to Samantha.

"If only those foods were on my lists," I murmured quietly to myself in a half-sarcastic, half-joking tone. Still the star-shaped crackers, green and blue punch, and bright -near neon- green cheeze ball with tiny craters stamped into its surface were nice to look at.

"Are you hungry?" David asked. "You barely touched dinner."

"Just don't have much of an appetite, I guess." I explained apologetically and turned quickly away from the table of treats. Funny, Mom must've trained me well, it was a lot easier to turn down the 'bad' foods now that I saw things more clearly - just as everyone else must have. What was incredible was how oblivious I was to the whole situation prior to a few weeks ago; after my 'enlightenment' I didn't know whether I wanted to be joyful or tearful.

Or maybe just take a nap, my tired body didn't fail to remind me. My feet twisted uncomfortably in the heels, so I suggested the completely un-social option:

"David, would you mind if we just sat down for a little while?" I nodded at some chairs in a nearby corner. Sensing my apprehension, he smiled politely.

"Sure." I shot him a look of appreciation as he also pulled out a chair for me.

"Now, watch the dress," I couldn't help but laugh a little as sounds of the first song filled the room.

"I thought that was your fault, not mine?" He grinned, sliding a chair next to mine. "You're not going to let me forget that are you?"

"Of course not." Again, we fell compelled to search the silence between us for something to talk about.

"..Would you like to dance?" He asked after a few seconds, sounding a bit timid.

"Of course not." I smiled meekly, thinking of my clumsiness. "I mean- I'm terrible. How about I let you keep using your feet as God intended them for right now, ok?"

"Ok," he said, sounding a bit rejected. Immediately my heart thumped nervously. Glancing at the clock on the wall above his head, I groaned inwardly - we'd only been there for three minutes.

Probably the longest three minutes of my life, I thought miserably.

"I'll be right back, Lindsey." David promised as he retreated to the bathroom.

"No problem." As I leaned against the wall, I heard the tunes of an old Vertical Horizon song come over the speakers. For once, I was glad that my date wasn't at my side. David's sweet and kind-hearted nature only seemed to add to my recent difficulties. Somehow (lead singer) seemed to know exactly what I was going through:

He's everything you want, he's everything you need

He's everything inside of you that you wish you could be

But he means nothing to you and you don't know why.

Glancing around the conference room, my eyes caught happy couple embraced one after another, before narrowing on Samantha in Zac's arms.

.. I am everything you want, I am everything you need

I am every thing inside of you that you wish you could be

I say all the right things, at exactly the right time

but I mean nothing to you

and I don't know why

"This is ridiculous," I glanced away, noticing the smug smile that never seemed to leave Samantha's lips.

If only I had the right stick in my hands right now, a nice little cross check under her perfect, pointy chin would do the trick..

"What's ridiculous?" David asked me, placing his hand warmly on my shoulder.

"That.. I have such a gorgeous date and I'm not dancing with him."

Whew, good recovery. Where on earth did that come from? Was it out of my mouth? Must've been: David's cheeks immediately flushed pink.

"Nah.." He bashfully admitted. "But thanks. Only the most gorgeous for my date."

"If you say so," I giggled as he pretended to bow in my presence and offered his hand palm-up to me. I gently slid mine into it and prayed that I wouldn't make a complete fool of myself on the dance floor. Hey, I'd settle for even a half-foolish appearance at this point.

Fortunately, for me, a slow song came on the instant my cumbersome heels clicked onto the hardwood dance floor. My heart beat a few ticks faster as David's arm slid over mine, but I sucked a breathe in deeply when it circled around my waist, figuring the last thing I needed -or wanted- was the boy playing with my fat rolls. I glanced up nervously at David's face as his fingers pressed against my side, but he just smiled.

"You need to relax a bit if we're going to do this," his words washed over my left ear warmly. Funny how it sent a tiny shiver down the back of my spine. I sighed and tried to loosen up but caught sight of Samantha wrapped in Zac's arms again, this time next to us, right in front of my face. As Zac cast a tortured look, one of longing, curiousity, and sadness, into my eyes, the raspy chords of Macy Gray struck a sour note with me:

I say good-bye and I choke

I walk away and I stumble

I try to hide it; it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not here

Feeling an uncertain flood of emotions, my eyes quickly flushed with tears and I glanced away. Something about the intensity of his stare made me feel more than uneasy, so I closed my eyes and buried my head in David's shoulder, hoping that the tears wouldn't spill over my cheeks. It was particularly hard when I felt his chin rest itself softly on the top of my head.

Something... my thoughts stirred. ..just doesn't feel right.

But what? When I opened my eyes again, I was surprised -and partially relieved- to see that Zac and Samatha were no longer in my line of vision. A quick dart of my eyes found Samantha's face with an incredibly large scowl, for she now stood by herself near the appetizer table, but Zac was nowhere in sight. It didn't take more than a few seconds before Samatha was joined by her lovely group of clones. All resembled her, wearing a similar version of an off the shoulder dress, though the hem of her skirt barely above her thighs. While they certainly were slender, I didn't think the entire world needed to see them. Neither did I need to see the intensely icy glare she cast right at me.

Talk about trashy. Though I'd experienced more than enough feminine pampering for this stupid dance, at least I looked somewhat respectable, borderline conservative even.

"Ahem," a rough voice coughed above me, snapping my attention to it. "May I cut in?"

"Zac?" As if I needed a reason to, I glanced up into a set of familar brown eyes and bit my lower lip nervously.

Don't leave me, David, I silently prayed as I glanced at my date. Please be selfish and say no.

"Uh.. sure." David replied, releasing me.

Damn it.

"I'll just, umm.. go save our seats, Lindsey." He waved awkwardly back to our corner as -unfortunately- a slow song followed. It felt as if God just had to jam the fork deeper in my heart as I recognized the first few notes of the country love song.

We loved and learned, life through curves,

there was love and there was hurt,

Remember when.

"Thank you," I mumbled watching David's retreating figure over my right shoulder. Turning back to Zac, I couldn't help but smile.

"What?" he asked innocently, taking my left hand in his as the music softly continued.

Remember when,

Life was changed.

Disassembled, rearranged.

We came together,

Fell apart,

We broke each other's hearts,

Remember when.

"Nothing," I insisted, tensing as his other hand circled my waist and rested on my lower back.

"I don't buy that for a second." He smiled at me in a way that I'd never seen, a look of certain appreciation across his face as his eyes glanced over what felt like every inch of my body.

"Nothing that your enormous ego needs to hear, that's all." I relaxed as a small laugh escaped my lips.

"You... just clean up nicely, that's all, Zac." And he sure did. The dark grey coat complimented his slim figure and a white orchid lay gently over his lapel. I took in his neatly-combed dusty-blonde hair and just a hint of colonge as we began to sway back and forth to the music.

"You look nice," despite all our squabbles, I could admit that much. Hard to believe that the boy I'd grown up with was the same person standing in front of me.

"Well, don't sell yourself short." He replied quickly, his cheeks turning a slight shade of pink.

"What do you mean?" I asked, feeling a little crestfallen.

Don't say fat.. please don't say I'm too fat for this dress. I silently begged him with my eyes.

"Lindsey.. you look.." I held my breath, looking deeply into his eyes.

" .. Unbelievable."

"Samantha, I can't get over how gorgeous you look tonight," her friend Amy gushed.

"I went for the simpler look this year - you know, low maintenance," Samantha lied. Truth was, it'd taken her nearly six hours to prepare for the prom, not that it was noticed by Zac. She hated to admit, but training him into the perfect boyfriend wasn't progressing as quickly as she'd like. She shuddered at the horrific meeting between him and her parents, for Zac had barely remembered how important a member of high society her father was.

Well, he'll learn soon enough, she smiled to herself. Now that Lindsey isn't around to dumb him down.

"Zac's a lucky guy," Courtney continued the shameless gushing. "And he looks outstanding tonight. You make such a good couple."

"He sure is," Samantha admitted with a confident smile. "And for good reason."

"Ohh!" "Do tell!" "What's going on?" Her friends crowded closer. Loving every ounce of the attention, Samantha flipped a perfectly combed lock of hair over her shoulder and glanced around the group.

"Promise you won't tell?" She asked her friends. Excited heads bobbed quickly in response.

"Well, tonight is Zac's lucky night."

"You don't mean-" Courtney's jaw dropped.

"I sure do." She gave them a knowing look as everyone looked at her in awe and admiration.

"Wow," breathed Amy enviously. After continuing to stare wide-eyed at her, one by one, Samantha noticed their eyes shift somewhere behind her, toward the dance floor. An awkward silenced followed until she turned her head to see what on earth could be more important than her news.

"Well, umm..." Courtney stammed obviously. "You'll have to pry him away from Lindsey first."

"That bitch." Samantha cursed, eyeing me with a tone so cold had I noticed I would've instantly been frozen on the spot. The sight of me in her boyfriend's arms was absolutely nauseating, not to mention embarrassing.

Guess I'll have to make her learn the hard way, won't I? She thought nastilly as her eyes searched the room for possibilities.

".. What do you mean?" The pink in Zac's cheeks darkened at my question. My heart tugged in my chest as he glanced away and I braced for an insult.

"Lindsey, your dress. You're hair," he stopped dancing and breathed the words quietly, reaching to my forehead and softly tracing a curl down the side of my cheek with his index finger.

"It's so.. different." I strained to hear him over the music. ".. You're beautiful."

"Different!?" I gasped at the word, my heart breaking as I dropped his hand. "How could you say something so cruel, Zac Hanson? Am I that horrible to look at otherwise?"

"Linds, no I-"

"That's it," I threw up my hands in disgust and spun quickly on my wobbly heels.

"I never want to see you ever again!!" No need for him to see the tears that welled up in my eyes. However, I wasn't quite prepared for what happened next.

"No." As if the force with which he spoke didn't stop me dead in my tracks, his hand circling my wrist tightly sure did. Tugging me gently back around to face him, I wasn't prepared for the serious, nearly tortured look on his face.

"No." He repeated the word again as if it gave him strength. "Not this time."

"Zac, I don't think-' I tugged gently away from him without any luck; his hand clamped tighter on my wrist. I turned and glared angrily at him.

"My turn to talk," he said firmly, still staring so intently. "And yours to listen."

"Zac, I-" I tried again. Sensing my stubborness was no match for his, I conceded.

"Fine," I spat in a disapproving tone. "But not here."

"Outside," Zac spun me around, clutching my wrist the entire time he lead us to the doors to the parking lot in front of the school. I couldn't help but notice how several curious glances were cast in our direction in the process, but Zac ignored them. Once outside, I shivered slightly at the chill wind that brushed against my shoulders. Not even the beautiful blanket of stars that hung above us could calm the rage I felt building inside - Zac sure had a hell of a lot of nerve.

"Well, I hope you're happy," I glared at him through narrowed eyes. "Got what you wanted?"

"Not exactly," he said quietly, removing his coat and stepping forward to wrap it around my shoulders. I took a step back and shook my head fervently.

"No thanks," I replied as coldly as the wind lapped against my bare skin. I ignored the prickle of goosebumps growing up my arms.

"God damn it," he stared at me increduously, speaking in a thin voice. "You're really too proud and stubborn for your own good, you know that?"

"Just.. please wear this." He offered his coat again. "You're cold."

"I'm fine." I insisted, stepping back again.

"You've got goosebumps," he pointed out the obvious, taking a tentative step torward me. "Lindsey please.."

"..."

If only he didn't look at me with such a pained look, I thought, relenting. Taking another step toward me, Zac opened his arms and wrapped his coat around me, then rubbed my upper arms lightly.

".. Thank you.. Zac." Even I could admit that felt much better, but now I was trembling for a different reason: Zac hadn't dropped his hands from my arms, standing with his face only inches from mine. In the airy night, I saw faint whispers of vapor coming from his breathe, quickly dancing away from his mouth only to disappear in the midnight-blue sky.

"You're welcome," he smiled, not dropping his arms. After a few seconds of silence, this was getting a little awkward.

"Zac," I cleared my throat, having already shared enough awkward silences with David tonight to last a lifetime.

"Linds," he used the nickname he'd given me almost nine years ago. Normally it just didn't sound right coming out of anyone else's mouth, but at the moment it was almost painful.

"I can't take this." He exclaimed suddenly, gripping my arms a little tighter.

"Take what?" I asked as if I was innocent.

"This distance between us." He started. "It's like I don't even know you anymore."

"That's not true-" I started to say, suddenly feeling a slightly dizzy sensation in my forehead. Didn't matter much anyway, for Zac interrupted me.

"Like hell it is." I cringed at the anger and frustration in his voice. Then, just as quickly, he whispered softly,

"I miss you." My heart beat rapidly as Zac embraced me gently, the soft scent of his orchid filling my nose as it pressed against my cheek. For once, I had nothing to respond, but nestled my head under his chin, between his shoulder and collar bone.

"I miss.. us." He contined, waves of warmth washing over me as he hugged me tighter to him. "I don't know what I did to you, but I'm sorry."

It's not him.. why can't he understand that it's not him? my mind raced.

"Zac," The dizziness doubled as I escaped the warmth and comfort of his arms abruptly. Cupping my palms around his chin, I didn't even try to hold back the tears and looked directly into his eyes.

"I-I-i.. c-can't, I-" the words dissolved as hot tears spilled down my cheeks. Looking torturously at him, for once I couldn't hold back the anger, frustration, and pain in my eyes as they continued to flood.

"Shh," he hushed me. "It's ok."

"It's not!" I cried loudly, roughly shoving him away from me. "It's not ok. And it will never be.. ok."

"Not if you keep pushing me away," he said sadly as the two of us fell into silence.

"Can you do me a favor?" Zac asked me tenderly.

"What?" I asked warily, unsure of where this conversation was headed.

"Grow up." His blunt words hit me like a slap in the face. "Stop running.. and stop hiding."

"Zac Hanson," I hissed, knocking his coat to the ground as I clenched my fists tightly. "Do not tell me what to do in my life. It's none of your concern."

"But I want it to be," he said gently. As he stepped forward and picked up his coat, I realized how cold and crisp the night felt against my bare skin. Nothing like the warmth of his coat around me, but that was the end of that.

"Why can't you see that, Lindsey? Please, just tell me.. I just want to know why you don't want me in your life anymore." Zac broke my distracted thoughts with a whispered confession that nearly broke my heart. Nearly, if it hadn't completely pissed me off.

"Want!?" As my hands clenching into fists, I ignored the glistening of tears that blurred him from my vision. "Nothing in my life is ever about what I want, so don't stand here and pretend like I did this on purpose!"

"What on earth are you talking a-" Zac started as the gymnasium door swung open behind me. As I turned around to see who'd interupted our pathetic attempt at a conversation, everything seemed to move in slow motion. I barely had time to see who it was over my left shoulder as something heavy hit my forehead. The night sky spinning above me, I heard the faint sound of shattering glass as everything went black.