Nuts

You're nuts. I thought as the wind whipped against me, stinging my cheeks slightly, as I rode my bike home. Do you have some kind of personal death wish or something? Samantha's going to kill you..

"Samantha this. Samantha that." I stomped on my brakes as I neared an intersection. Glancing dully at the cars that whipped past me, I suddenly felt very disgusted with myself.

How could you? I asked myself, picking up the pace again as the little white man flashed at me above the sidewalk, signaling it was clear to continue.

She treats you like shit.. My cheeks turned pink when I remembered her shoving me around at her party. While the bruises had faded a few days ago, inside of me felt torn and battered. Funny enough, the question of whether or not I deserved to feel this way had never crossed my mind.

Until now.. Who is she to tell you what to do? Who to talk to and be friends with, particularly your best friend?

"Obviously someone you don't want on your bad side, Linds." I reminded myself outloud at her circle of influence. How on earth so many people could adore such an obnoxious person was beyond me.

You're always going to have her on your bad side, whether you do anything about it or not. Stopping in front of an abandoned store downtown, I caught the sight of my reflection in its glass window. As the dull yellow glow of the above streetlight highlighted a few curls that were, as usual, bound tightly against my scalp in a bun, I slowed my bike to a stop.

Two sunken, dark eyes peered at me beneath deep circles. My cheeks, which at one point in time were pink with life, were reflected back to me with an alarming paleness. Worse, they looked to be nearly swallowing my eyes. My mouth was also pale in color; with the corners naturally turned down. As I pursed them slightly to relieve the dryness, my eyes caught the attention of the line of my jaw, clearly defined on both sides of my chin. Running my thumb beneath my chin, I no longer felt the soft flesh that normally existed there was gone; instead my thumb brushed over only tight sinews of muscle as I clenched my jaw tightly.

Arching my neck, I stared intensely at the L-shaped curve from the base of my neck arching upward to my shoulder, the light clearly outlining my collarbone with a deep shadow. Even more amazing was the crevice located where my neck met my chest; I slowly lifted my chin and pressed my index finger softly into it. Lowering my thumb to my opposite arm, I circled it around my wrist, disbelieving how it completely overlapped my middle finger's nail.

Who'd have thought? I smiled wryly. As if realizing for the first time that I was stopped in front of an empty store downtown, staring at my reflection in the glass window, I quickly picked up my bike and hurried toward home.. or someone else's home, rather.

"I must be nuts." I muttered, throwing my bike down into the grass. "I'm asking for a death wish on this one."

"Talk to Zac. Your problems aren't as bad as they seem.." Jo-Ann's words echoed in the back of my mind.

"I guess I promised." The foot pedal of my bike clicked against my foot as I nearly tripped over it. After stumbling a few steps, I managed not to wipe out in the Hanson's front yard. That wasn't exactly the the first appearance I wanted to make.

"Zac, I'm an idiot." I heaved a sigh. "I don't think I can explain this all to you, and if it comes out wrong then I'm sorry."

"I know I've been really busy for the last couple of weeks, but that was no reason for me to ignore you so much.." I paused, wondering if I should mention Samantha, then deciding against it.

"I miss you so much.. Even though I don't deserve it, I just want my friend back." That much was true. There'd been an emptiness in my heart that no other person in the world could fill other than my best friend. He completed me, served as my security blanket and protector. We were soul mates, desperate for each other in a world that was cruel, judgmental, and uaccepting..

.. You really are nuts. I shook my head, glancing at their front door.

"I can only hope Zac'll buy all that crap."

"Lindsey!" I was surprised that a gleeful voice greeted me, along with a pair of sticky hands that circled around my waist after the door opened. Unfortunately, it was just Avery's clear blue eyes beaming up at me.

"Hey kiddo." I rubbed the top of her blonde head with my palm and unwound her hands from me. "I see you've been into the finger-paints again."

"Yeah. Come see." She grinned up at me, grabbing my hand and pulling me inside their house. Immediately, the faint smell of laundry detergent and that warm baking scent that just makes you feel warm all over filled my nose. I'd forgotten how much of a comfort this house was to me, event just in the way it smelled as I was instantly enveloped in its familiarity, despite the current situation.

"Actually," I said tenderly, unwinding my fingers from Avery's grip. "I came here to see your Mom. Is she home?"

"Aren't I always?" Mrs. Hanson's voice rang out clearly to me. I never knew a woman that could put such tenderness, eloquence, and pride into her voice all at once.

"Well, I dunno." I shrugged my shoulders apologetically.

"Lindsey Williams." Her eyes beamed brightly at me as she grabbed my shoulders and examined me up and down. "What on earth happened to you?"

"Umm.. What do you mean?" And you'd think I'd be used to incriminating body inspections by this time.

"You're so thin!" I felt my cheeks flush pink as she exclaimed loudly. "My goodness, I haven't seen you in weeks. What have you been up to lately?"

"Nah, but thanks... " I gave her an amused smile. "If only you had the hours to let me explain it all."

"Did you come over to talk?" Immediately, Diana's eyes flooded with concern.

"Oh, no that's not it." I assured her, relieved with the concern was replaced with the usual spark of happiness that resided in her eyes.

"I just came to talk to Zac." I explained.

"Well, he's outside playing basketball with Taylor. I'm sure he won't mind if you interrupt - last time I checked he was losing pretty badly." I grinned as Diana squeezed my upper arm and directed me to the backyard, where the Hansons had set up a basketball hoop on the panels above the back of their garage. As I stood in front of the back sliding doors, I paused, catching the first glimpse of Zac. I was actually glad that he was facing the other direction - it gave me an opportunity to do a little looking of my own.

As he pounded the ball against the cement slowly, I watched the muscles in Zac's shoulders contract against each other, revealed in the light above the garage and discarded shirt. Not that I minded though: it was mesmerizing to watch his feet jog back and forth, causing a slight turn in his hips and rippling of his back muscles over the tiny bumps of his spine that stood out in his lean frame, a few strands of his blonde hair plastered to the sweat on his shoulders, having strewn away from the messy collection of a ponytail at the nape of his neck, his-

You're staring, moron. I shook myself back to reality and reached for the door handle. Hearing the crack of the sliding door open against the frame, both Taylor and Zac turned toward me, hopeful glances of a lemonade interruption from their mother no doubt on their faces. It didn't take very long for their looks to develop into severe confusion, although I couldn't blame them.

"Hey Lindsey." Taylor was the first to greet me of the two of them. Zac immediately stood erect, and Taylor seized the opportunity, grabbing the ball from his hands and swishing it through the net effortlessly.

"Hi Taylor." I returned his kind smile, feeling awkward. "Hi.. Zac."

"Hi." He replied shortly. As I took a few steps toward the two of them, my eyes took a fleeting journey over Zac's body. All I have to say is that the front view was much more stimulating than the back and I shot him an amused glance as my eyes quickly returned to his. I must've made him nervous, for his cheeks turned a tiny bit redder, or maybe it was just the game of basketball. Taylor, on the other hand, had to rely on his incredible knack for being a jackass.

"Well, I can see that you two need to talk." Slapping Zac on the back, Taylor also sent me an encouraging wink as he passed me and entered the house.

"So.." I shifted my weight from one foot to another as Zac grabbed his T-shirt off the ground and slipped it over his head.

".. What's up?"

God, that was so lame. I scolded myself for such an unintelligent comment. Although it only lasted a few sparse seconds, the silence that engulfed us seemed endless. I felt my heartbeat pulse nervously in my chest as I bit my lower lip in anticipation of his reaction.

"What's up?" He asked incredulously, smiling tightly at me. "I haven't seen you in weeks, you barely recognize my existence on this planet, particularly as your best friend, and all I get is a 'What's up?' "

"I'm sorry, Zac, I-" I held up my hands defensively, when he did something that I will always treasure him for.

"Relax, I'm only joking." Taking a few steps toward me, Zac's arms quickly slipped around my waist and I surrendered to their ushering me against him. I stood there, dumbfounded as tears sprung to my eyes, blurring the view of the starry night sky above us. Maybe I'll never understand the beauty of friendship, particularly the precious act of forgiveness, but at the moment, I closed my eyes and reveled in it.

No explanations needed.. I thought, wrapping my arms around him in a hug, until I realized something..

"It's good to see you agai-" He started to say, when I interrupted with:

"My God, Zac." I pulled away, a look of utter disgust on my face as I wrinkled my nose and pouted.

"What?" He asked with a hint of panic in his voice. "Just so you know, I can't take much more criticism from you."

"You.. " I scolded him with a giggle. ".. reek like nothing else."

"Lindsey! I'm going to kill you." Charging at me, Zac grabbed my waist and swung me over his shoulder, a physical feat I'd never thought was possible. As he pretended to use me as a personal sweat towel, I flinched with laughter and hugged him tightly. Although we hadn't started any much-needed "discussions" yet, things were already feeling about a thousand times better.

No wonder it's so good to keep promises, Jo. I smiled while picturing her smug 'I-told-you-so' reaction.

Samantha on the other hand.. that's an entirely different situation to think about. My smile disappeared.

One promise at a time.