I Don't Think So

"What are you writing, Lindsey?" Meredith asked me in the locker room after practice. I looked up at her from my seat on a bench, where I was scribbling frantically on a piece of notebook paper.

"Trying to come up with a better menu for the dance." I explained with a sigh. "I guess my first suggestions weren't good enough for Samantha."

"Not much is." Meredith's light laughter filled my ears and I grinned.

"Not your favorite person either, huh?" I asked her.

"Don't tell anyone, but no. She's a little mean sometimes." Boy, if that isn't the understatement of the century.

"You have no idea how glad I am to hear that." I smiled brightly at Meredith. "So.. any ideas on food I could use?"

"Hmm.. nope. Not my committee, sorry." She grinned at me and grabbed her practice bag, swinging it over her shoulder. "By the way, Coach wants to talk to you when you're done."

"Uh-oh.." I sighed, knowing this hadn't been the best practice for me. I just didn't have the normal energy I felt while being out on the ice.

"He didn't seem angry about it, so it shouldn't be too bad." Meredith said sympathetically. "But good luck."

"Thanks." I stuck my blank food list into a folder and tucked it into my backpack. "See you tomorrow."

" 'Bye." She waved her hand behind her back and let the door bang behind her. I stood up, grabbed my bag and coat, and made my way over to Coach's office, which was located adjacent to the locker rooms. Upon reaching the glass door, I rapped my knuckles against it gently. Coach's head snapped up from his seat behind his small, metal-framed desk, cluttered with papers.

"Williams." He nodded in my direction, then pointed at the two chairs facing his desk. "Have a seat."

"I didn't do it Coach." I said immediately, sitting precariously on the edge of the closest chair.

"Relax, you aren't in trouble." Coach flashed me an amused smile. "I just wanted to ask how your weight loss process is going."

"Umm.. fine, I think." Truth was, my weight seemed to be the main focus of everyone's life recently. With a heavy sigh, I looked down at the floor, picking at the zipper on my coat.

"I know it's only been about three weeks, but are you going to make the cut-off point? The team is depending on you to play goalie, and you have a lot of potential."

"I do?" I looked up at him. He nodded firmly.

"Especially for a beginner. You've made a lot of progress here and I don't want to see your efforts wasted."

"Well, I.. thank you." I blushed at his compliment. "I've been trying really hard."

"Our first game is two weeks from Wednesday.. do you think you'll have your weight down by then?"

"Umm.." I said again, thinking frantically. So far, I'd lost over fifteen pounds, but I knew it wasn't enough. The best response I could think of was a meek,

"I can try."

"Good." Coach nodded again. "See that you. Like I said, I don't want to cut you for such a trivial issue. See you tomorrow at practice."

"Ok, thanks again." I stood up and exited his office. I leaned up against a wall in the locker room and sighed, closing my eyes. Opening them, I caught the sight of my reflection in a mirror on the opposite wall. A few seconds later, my reflection blurred under a set of fresh tears forming in my eyes.

My weight isn't a trivial issue for me.. it's almost my whole life.

"Don't be stupid, Linds." I whispered aloud, shaking the thought out of my head. "Standing around, feeling sorry for yourself. You have work to do."

"Good. Just like that, Zac." I sighed upon nearing the door to the dance studios, hearing Samantha's voice filter out into the hallway. The normally easy set of stairs felt incredibly hard on my legs today, my calves burning with tightened muscles for some reason. Didn't help I felt exhausted either and Sam and Zac were the last people I wanted to see, particularly together, but sometimes we just have to do things we don't want to.

Like diet, I reminded myself bitterly, knocking on the entrance door. After all, I wouldn't want to walk in on an intense moment between those two or anything. Fortunately, this time there was a few inches between them.

"Lindsey," my eyes narrowed as Samantha happily purred my name through her lips. "Do you have that list for me?"

"No, I don't." I replied honestly, looking directly at her. For some reason, I found myself unable to look at Zac.

"I came here to tell you that I don't have time to make it."

"Well, you'll just have to find time now, won't you?" She said pointedly.

"I.." I stared at her for a second, anger rising in me. If it weren't for the presence of Zac, who I didn't want to give the satisfaction of knowing I was pissed about the situation, I might've blown my stack.

"You what?" She challenged my bluff.

"Fine. I'll try, but I'm not promising anything."

"Good." She nodded her head with a smirk on her face. At the moment, I wanted nothing more than to wipe it off her face. Instead, I narrowed my own eyes and kept my thoughts to herself. What she said next was a little harder to ignore, though:

"Now, if you'll excuse us, Zac and I have a private lesson here." She rested her hand across his arm in a gesture of possession and looked pointedly at the door.

Enough of a hint for me.

"Fine." I repeated, glancing at Zac for the first time.

"Have fun." He didn't reply. Samantha sure did.

"Of course we will. Good-bye, Lindsey."

" 'Bye." I left without another word, feeling tears prick my eyes for the second time tonight.

You're turning into an even bigger wimp than you normally are, I scolded myself. Glancing down at my watch, I realized I'd better get my ass to work, or I'd get myself into more trouble than I needed right now.

"Sam.." Zac started in a soft voice.

"Yes, honey?" He cringed at the amount of sugar in her voice.

"Uhh.. that wasn't very nice, what you said to Lindsey."

"What do you mean?" Samantha's eyes narrowed as she stared down Zac.

"She can't help it if she's busy.." His voice trailed off and he frowned when he realized what words had come out of his mouth. Apparently, his girlfriend didn't either.

"I can't believe you're actually defending her, after what she did to you!" Her voice rose with irritation.

"Look, I appreciate your concern in the issue, but it's really just between me and Lindsey." Zac replied as gently as he could.

"I understand Zac." Samantha smiled widely, surprising him with her response.

I'm involved much more than you realize, she added in her head.

"Really?"

"Mmm-hmm." She replied, her smile still wide. "So.. are you coming?"

"To what?"

"My party! It's tomorrow afternoon."

"Oh, that.. I'm not sure."

"Zac!" She stamped her foot in frustration. "How can you not know if you're coming?"

"I don't know if we're practicing tomorrow, that's all." He replied coolly. "If not, then I'll go to your party."

"Honestly, Zac." Samantha said softly, tears glistening in her eyes. "I think your stupid hockey is more important to you than I am."

"Oh, come on." Zac couldn't believe he was hearing this.

"That's not true. We haven't even been going out for a long time. We aren't even going out yet." He corrected himself.

"How can you say that?" By this time, the tears were now streaming down her cheeks. "I thought I meant something to you."

"You do-I mean, I just-" This was starting to make Zac incredibly uncomfortable. "We haven't even had an 'official' date, if you think about it. I just don't want you to think that we're more than we are."

Samantha just sobbed at his reaction, disbelieving he could be so heartless. After a few uncomfortable seconds of silence, Zac stepped over and wrapped his arms comfortingly around her and sighed as she sobbed into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he said, patting her back lightly. "I've just had a lot on my mind. I didn't mean to yell at you."

"That-that's ok." Beneath her tears, knowing full-well he couldn't see it, Samantha smiled successfully.

I'll see you tomorrow.

"Ohhh... sleep.." I mumbled softly, relishing in happiness as I fell into the soft folds of my pillow. If my first week hadn't been horrendous enough, tonight at work had been completely hellish. Phil had come down with a head cold and called in sick earlier this afternoon. Not being able to call in a replacement worker in such short notice, it had been just Jamie and me back in the kitchen for our dinner rush. All two hours of it, that is.

"Jamie, not that I want to tell you how to do your job." I mumbled into my pillow. "But you really need to hire some more people. And Lindsey.. you really need to write your history paper."

"Damnit." I rolled over in my bed and looked at the ceiling. After staying up late the last few nights in a row catching up on my Math homework, I just didn't have the energy to make it through a grueling set of history chapters.

Besides, I have two more days to write the paper, I'll just do it tomorrow night, I reminded myself and relaxed my body, instantly falling into a much-needed, deep sleep.