You're Kidding

"Ohhh..." I moaned slightly, rolling over in bed. Glancing at my alarm clock, I knew there was no way I could hit the sleep button again this morning. I'd already snoozed it past the time I usually spent eating breakfast, no matter how worn out I felt, if I did it again I'd be late for school. A power walk at six-thirty in the morning is not the most invigorating exercise, let me tell you, and Mom had told me to set the alarm for one of those this morning. Damn her.

I suppose that me going back to sleep after our walk this morning was a stupid idea, but I'd felt exhausted. It hadn't taken much more convincing than walking over the threshold of my bedroom door before I'd flounced stomach-down on the bed. All thoughts of a shower had left my mind the instant my cheek had brushed against the soft texture of my pillows. It was even harder to pull myself up this time than it had been at six thirty.

"Argh," I mumbled to myself as I slowly dragged my feet underneath me to the bathroom. Once they touched the cool tiled floor, I raised my head and caught sight of the new scale Mom had bought me last week to help monitor my dieting. I already despised the devise, ever since the first time the pads of my feet had touched it's rough surface. Might as well get this over though..

Click, click click. The numbers on the scale flew past my eyes. I squinted down at them when they settled on a number, disbelieving what was there.

"Can't be." I muttered, stepping off and trying again.

Click, click, click. There is was again: the same weight.

Is this thing broken? I couldn't help but wonder. There's no way in hell I could've lost.. thirteen pounds in eight days? Didn't seem possible to me.

Click, click, click.. I stepped off the scale and stepped onto it again.

"Wahoo!!!"

I raised my arms and cheered to no one in particular. Catching a glance in the mirror, it didn't look like I'd lost much at all.. but sucking in my stomach I saw two faint bulges of something through my nightgown that I'd never seen, or at least paid attention to before: my lower ribs. Completely amazed, I ran my fingers around the oval-shaped bones. With a grin on my face, I unlocked the bathroom door and skipped back to my bedroom, full of renewed energy.

"Who would've ever guessed hockey could help me loose weight?" I asked the set of stuffed animals on my bed, feeling more giddier than I could remember. I was over a quarter of the way through my desired weight loss.

What a miracle!

"What an incredibly beautiful day!" I cried outloud, dancing a few steps over to my closet. This was the first time I'd ever been in such a good mood to get to school. It almost felt like I had a new body to show off to everyone.

"One that must be dressed accordingly." I giggled as I searched through my closet for someone appropriate to fit my mood. As I peeled off my nightgown, I leaned forward and stopped in mid-air at the reflection in the mirror against the back wall of my closet. From this view, I saw my stomach severely bulging over my underwear. I stared for about a full minute, my eyes outlining each curve until I reached my hand up to my stomach and poked my fingertips into the soft flesh. I reached my right hand and circled my fingers around my left wrist for a check: still a few centimeters apart from my thumb.

Damn it.

"You're kidding yourself."

My spirited mood immediately dissolved. I reached over and snatched a long T-shirt off a hanger and a pair of oversized carpenter-style pair of jeans.

Same old, same old.. nothing's changed. You're as fat as ever. I bound up my hair quickly, avoiding looking into any more mirrors, feeling disappointed with myself.

"Finally," Heidi snapped at me. "Are you ready to go?"

"I think so." I replied coolly, not awake enough to deal with her early-morning crabbiness. I was feeling more than stressed for the both of us right now anyway, not having done another math assignment last night. My only escape was lunch time: I could escape into the library and burrow my way back into math. Or at least enough to get the problem set done. Just thinking about how worn out I'd felt last night brought the beginnings of a headache to my forehead. Although my body hadn't been exhausted, I hadn't gotten much sleep from crying so much after seeing Zac kiss Samantha. My ryes red and puffy verified that fact, as well as the deep circles below them.

"Then let's go already." She exited the kitchen door to the garage.

"Fine with me." I slammed the door behind me and watched as she unlocked the doors of her car.

Only a few more weeks then I have one of my own, I thought with a smile.

Provided I make it through driver's ed in one piece. Poof! Smile gone.

"Thanks for the ride, Heidi." I said as I jumped in the passenger's seat.

"No problem, just next time don't be so late." She said. I watched curiously as she backed out of the driveway, making it look incredibly easy.

"Next time?" I looked hopefully at her.

As in.. she'll give me rides more often? The extra twenty minutes it took for me to walk over here in the morning suddenly became a very appealing time to sleep more.

"We'll see." She smiled tightly at me. With a laugh, she added:

"After all, I can't be seen taxiing nerds all over town every day, you know."

"Fat slobs too," I reminded her with a laugh of my own."You have your reputation to think about."

"Absolutely." We laughed loudly together. For the first time in my life, I actually saw some of the humor everyone else seemed to enjoy while teasing me. It actually didn't bother me, either, the first time for that too. As I leaned my head back against the seat, my eyelids drooped so I closed my eyes, trying to enjoy the five minute ride to school as peacefully as I could.

"Damn," I muttered, throwing my pencil down onto my notebook.

I can't believe the massive headache I have, I thought, reaching up to massage my forehead. It was so pounding that I could barely keep my thoughts concentrated on finishing this homework.

"Come on Linds," I tried a peptalk for motivation. "You skipped lunch for this assignment, you could at least finish it correctly."

But trying as hard as I could, my eyelids drooped heavily. I couldn't understand the overwhelming sense of exhaustion that had spread through my body all of the sudden.

I mean, where did it come from? I wondered. I extended my arms over my books, stretching out my shoulders.

"Was practice that rough?" I wondered outloud, feeling a dull pain between my shoulder blades. I reached behind me and massaged the sore spot lightly. Guess so..

"Ohh.." I folded my arms over my pre-calc assignment and nestled my head there.

That feels so relaxing, so comforting.. I closed my eyes again. Just for a second, I promised myself.

Brrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnngg!

I jumped at the sound of the bell. Looking around groggily, I found the library was now deserted. A quick glance at my watch sent me flying to my feet.

I can't be late for class, I thought, confused. I'd just laid my head down for a few seconds, didn't I?

Another glance down at my watch made my stomach sink: you slept through the entire lunch period.

No, you still have five minutes before class, I reminded myself as I stuffed my books and notes into my backpack and threw it over my shoulder. Walking briskly down the hall, I was thankful to no end that the library was close to Room 219. I slid breathlessly into my seat and pulled out my mess of papers again, thinking frantically:

Ok.. e to the x power.. what's the derivative of e to the x again? It's so simple, why can't I remember it!? I ran my fingers over my hair and glanced at the seat next to mine. For the first time in days, I was happy to see Zac's butt sitting in it.

"Zac, I need your help." He raised his eyes to mine. Although I saw a wince of pain in them and a scowl on his mouth, obviously remnants from our argument, I ignored it for a more pressing problem:

"Can I copy your homework?" I asked in a meek voice. I couldn't believe I was actually doing this, but the last task my brain could function was think straight.

"You're kidding, right?" He frowned at me. I guess I couldn't blame his surprise though, me having tutored him a few weeks ago in this class. Those days were long gone too, with any amount of energy left in my system.

"No. I didn't finish last night's. Can I please copy yours?" I asked again, feeling slightly irritable.

"Yeah, sure." He replied in a flat voice, passing a sheet of notebook paper over to me. I scribbled his last two answers down on my paper and quickly passed it back to him.

"Thanks." I said breathlessly.

"No problem." He said with the same flatness. I snapped back to my desk the second Samantha entered the room.

"Hi Zac," she said, squeezing his shoulder lightly as she passed by us. He glanced up at her, then at me, then back at her and decided to throw her a big smile.

"Hi yourself. You look good today."

"Thanks." She giggled before tossing her hair over her shoulder and replying. "You always look good."

"Umm.. thanks." Zac felt a blush spread slowly across his cheeks as he glanced over to see if I was paying attention. On any normal day, I might've been feeling like gagging myself at this sweet talk. But today, arguments aside, Zac was a little alarmed to see me nearly passed out on the surface of my desk, arms flopped over the top, head buried in a pile of books.