You're Hurting Me

"So, how's it going?" Zac asked me, still leaning against the brick wall of the rec. center.

"Fine. I'm sorry Zac, I've gotta go." I adjusted my backpack over my shoulder and tried to step around him. He immediately pushed himself off the wall until he was blocking my way into the rec. center.

"You look tired." He said bluntly, staring down into my eyes. My fingers flew up to the dark circles that I knew were present around them.

"Story of my life. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to be late for practice." With a tight smile on my lips, I took a tiny step to his right side.

"You still have nine minutes." Zac grabbed the upper portion of my arm roughly, freezing me in my tracks.

"How would you know?" I asked, irritation slipping into my voice. I hadn't meant to sound cranky toward him, I was just having that hectic of a day.

Hopefully he'll understand. I figured wrong.

"I checked the practice time."

"I-I need to get my gear on. I have almost twice as much as everyone else, you know." I tried yanking my arm back without much luck. No matter how much exercise I'd gotten from hockey so far, he was still much stronger than I and held onto me tightly. Almost a little too tightly.

"Lindsey.." His face mere inches from mine, I cringed at how my name sounded escaping from his mouth: absolutely torturous. He emphasized his frustration by squeezing my arm harder.

"Zac," I whispered meekly. "You-you're hurting me. Please let go."

"You and I need to talk." He continued to speak firmly, but finally released my arm. It felt as if he wasn't even aware how hard he'd been pressing into my skin. I glanced down and my arm and saw four tiny pink spots his fingers had left there, future bruises for sure, and my own sense of frustration grew. I glared up at him with blazing eyes.

"Look, I'm really sorry." I spat at him. "But I'm too damn busy."

"You always say that. What happened to you, Lindsey?" He asked me painfully. "What happened to us?"

".. I-i can't see you any more." My voice trembled violently and tears rose up in my eyes. I took a few steps toward the door and opened it. Zac's voice behind me stopped me again, this time in the doorway of the center.

"Why the hell not!?" I turned around as he screamed at me. The look on his face was enraged, I'd never seen him so angry before and it scared me.

"Please.." I begged him in a voice barely above a whisper. "Just let me go."

"Fine." He spat bitterly.

" 'Bye Zac." For fear of making an emotional scene and not being able to control it, I took off running into the building.

"We're not done talking about this." He called after me a few seconds later. Once again, I pretended not to hear his words.

"Is he still here?" I whispered to Meredith as we stood in line for a drill. I didn't want to glance up and check out the bleachers again for fear he'd see me.

"Who, Zac?" She asked distractedly.

"Yeah.." I mumbled. She glanced up at the place he'd been sitting for the entire practice.

"Yeah, he's still there."

"Damnit." I cursed and spat onto the ice.

"A little trouble in the guy department, Linds?" She asked me in a casual tone.

"Not really," I mumbled in response. "More like a pesky salesman that won't leave me alone."

"Tell me after this drill." She braced herself for takeoff as Coach signaled her to start skating. This was yet another time drill, to see if our two weeks of hard practice had helped improve any. I could only pray that the walking with Mom at night, not to mention the horrible, carbohydrate-injected meals she'd been cramming into me all week, had helped put me in at least a little better shape.

When it was my turn, I was surprised at how quickly I lost my breathe. Although I didn't actually feel tired, just a little sore, it was a matter of seconds before I found myself breathing hard to keep moving at the same pace. What mattered more though, was that my feet seemed to be moving faster than usual, my legs pumping harder and my arms swinging less than the last time I'd gone through this. It was a wondrous feeling of control, I realized as I skated as fast as I could to the other side of the ice.

"Any better?" My chest heaving with deep breathes, I halted to a stop in front of Coach. He glanced from at the stopwatch in his hand to my face.

"Lift your mask." He answered in his usual gruff voice.

"Why?" I asked, even though I complied and looked up into his eyes.

"Because I want to see your smile when I show you this." I blinked in surprise as he shoved the stopwatch in front of my eyes, only to discover that I had shaved eleven seconds off my time.

Wow!

"Ohmygosh," I grinned widely.

"Good job Williams. Nice to see that someone on this team has actually been working hard." Then I saw it: a tiny half-smile on his thin lips. Not a full one, which I'm sure would scare me, but a new energy surged through me at his resemblance of a smile.

"T-thanks," I whispered. I felt so happy tears almost started welling up in my eyes.

"Now get back in line. I want to see how you do on the other drills."

"Sure thing!" I cried happily, sliding my mask back over my face and taking my place behind Meredith.

"Congrats." She gave me a thumbs up. "I heard what Coach said."

"Thanks!" I squealed happily. This is so great.

"Eleven seconds. Wow.." She whistled.

"Is that good?" I asked her.

"Good!?" She asked incredulously. "That's amazing! What happened?"

"I started exercising and eating healthier more."

"Oh.. cool."

"I doubt it." I snorted in response. Cool is not exactly the word I'd use to describe Mom's satanical exercise plan.

"So what's up with Zac?" Just as abruptly as she'd changed the subject, my happiness dissolved.

"I don't know." I mumbled, ending the conversation. Besides, I was just as curious to see what I could do in the other drills as the team lined up for the next one. Glancing out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Zac's frame sitting in the top row of the bleachers, watching us intently. Sighing, I wondered how I'd get out of here without the inevitable confrontation.

As if the first wasn't bad enough.

Is he still here? I wondered again as I poked my head out of the locker room, my equipment bag slung over my right shoulder and backpack, full of catch-up assignments of course, over my left. I'd taken an incredibly long time to peel off all the sweaty layers of my clothes, longer than normal in hopes Zac would give up on waiting for me and leave. Glancing around, I didn't see any signs of him, but the rink was now dark. Coach had turned off almost all the lights before he'd left.

"There you are." Zac spoke to me in a low tone.

No such luck, I thought, whirling around in the direction his voice came from. He stepped out of one of the shadows in the rink and stared at me, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Shit!" I gasped, before scolding him, "Zac, you scared me."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to." He admitted with a sheepish smile. I softened a little, until he walked over toward me and tugged at my equipment bag.

"What are you doing?" I jerked my shoulder away from his hand.

"Trying to be nice. Let me carry that home for you."

"I can manage." I replied stubbornly. "Besides, I have my bike."

For the first time today, I'm glad to have to ride that darn thing.

"I know, but can I walk you home?" He asked me in a soft voice. My irritation dissolved, only to be filled with an incredibly large sense of guilt.

"Zac.. I'm so far behind in my homework, I need to get home right away." I replied pathetically.

"Yeah right," he scoffed at me. "Like you haven't done your homework."

"I'm serious!" I snapped at him, taking a few steps toward the exit.

"And I'm not? Lindsey, stop avoiding me." His voice rose with each word. After me not answering, he heaved a sigh, followed behind me, and tried again:

"Look, I know you don't like Samantha very much, but that's no reason why it should come between me and-"

"Samantha!?" I whirled around at his mentioning of that bitch's name. "What about her?"

"Just because I like her is no reason to be jealous."

"Jealous?" I whispered in shock. "You-you think I'm... jealous?"

He likes her.. a voice in my head repeated.

He said it flat out. He.. likes... her. My mind echoed his words again. I closed my eyes, briefly praying I'd hear them wrong.

"As a matter of fact, I do." He stubbornly stood his ground. "What do you have to say about that?"

"N-nothing." I dropped my head and walked out of the building.

He likes her.. I couldn't shake those words out of my head.

"Dammit, Lindsey!!" I heard his jogging footsteps behind me and quickened my pace. Not that it did any good, he quickly caught up and stood in front of me again.

"Zac, please. Don't make this harder on me than it already is." I squeezed my eyes shut and stopped walking once more.

"Hard on you!?" He asked incredulously. I jumped as he threw his hands up in the air in frustration:

"I'm so incredibly sorry! It must be just terrible for you, Linds. Forgive me for being so selfish!"

"Zac.."

"Nevermind." He squeezed his fists shut before sarcastically adding, "I wouldn't want to make it harder on you."

"Zac, please.. that's not it at all." I said quietly.

"Then what the fuck is wrong with you!?"

My eyes widened as he bellowed at me. I'd never been spoken to so harshly in my life, let alone by Zac. My shoulders shook violently and I felt myself gasping for breathe. It felt like I was drowning.

I need to get out of here.

Without another word, I passed by Zac and stepped on my bike. Turning back around my shoulder, I saw an expression of shock on his face, as if he didn't believe he'd spoken the words either. His face had turned sheet white and his eyes focused on the ground beneath my feet.

As I examined him a few seconds more, his eyes slowly rose, until they were staring blankly at mine. Even though it was pitch black outside now, the sparkle of tears in his eyes tore me up inside. It took all my strength not to drop my bike, run over and embrace him warmly, wrap my arms around him and say everything was going to be fine. But deep down inside me, I knew that wasn't possible.

Not now, at least. I started pedaling and rode away.

"I'm sorry." Finally able to find his voice, Zac whispered to my retreating figure, until I'd disappeared under the shadows of the neighborhood trees.