Be Careful

"Careful!" My instructor snapped at me for the third time in my attempt to back up the Suburban. It rattled at the same rate my heart paced: rapidly. The two of us shook all over, the truck from a lack of shocks and me from sheer nervousness.

"Look over your shoulder." She commanded me, scratching something down in her notes with a pen. I immediately glanced over my left shoulder to check for anyone coming up behind us in the parking lot. (Yes, we hadn't even gotten than far and I was already scared out of my mind.)

"Your other shoulder!" I immediately whipped my head around to look over the right. The parking lot was stark empty, we were the driver's ed students left. With a nervous sigh, I reached my hand out to the gear shift, looking at my instructor for permission to continue.

"What are you waiting for?" She asked me sternly, glancing at her watch. "We now have forty minutes left, so let's go already! You have a lot of catching up to do."

With that, I snapped down the gear shift and stomped down on the accelerator. I certainly wasn't prepared for the speed at which the Suburban backed out into the parking lot. I squeezed my eyes tight as a loud squeal erupted from the tires. At the same time, my hand jerked the steering wheel slightly, causing the truck to pivot into a half-circle.

"Stop!!" My instructor yelled. I opened my eyes to see her hand clenching the 'oh shit' handle on her door so tightly her knuckles were practically white. The meanwhile, the truck had begun to turn all the way around, completing another half circle and leaving us in the same spot we'd started, this time facing the other direction. I immediately moved my foot to the other pedal, smashing it down on the break. Both of us immediately lunged forward, nearly smacking our heads on the dashboard.

I don't think this is going so well.. maybe I could get used to having a bicycle all my life.

The look on my instructor's face strengthened my thoughts. If only looks could kill..

I'd never been so glad to see the view of my father leaning against his beat-up Chevy pickup truck than I felt after fleeing that horrible Suburban. After spending the longest forty-three minutes of my life with the Driving Instructor, I practically ran across the parking lot, feeling as if I'd been released from Auswitz.

"Hey kiddo," Dad greeted me with a lopsided grin.

"Hi." My flat tone of voice reflected the fact that I didn't share the same jubilated spirits as him.

"How'd the lesson go?" He asked me.

".. Ok, I guess." Worse than spending so much time with Miss Cruella herself, I think I had a C+ so far on the driving. My lesson had slowly changed over to a set of pathetic laps around the same neighborhood, my instructor insisting that I needed to work on my turns first. Not that I could blame her, and I felt I'd made quite the amount of progress: I hadn't bounced over a single curb in the last twenty minutes of the lesson. However, she hadn't let me drive on any other roads, let alone in a stream of traffic. The entire experience was incredibly humiliating and the last thing I wanted was to talk about it now.

"Just ok?" He jumped off the truck and walked to the driver's side.

"Yeah." I yanked my door open and jumped in the other seat. Funny, until now I hadn't noticed Dad's truck was as high up in the air as well. It's not like we actually had use for the truck, I think my Dad was a hick in another life. But I could deal with him leaning partially towards hick-dom, rather than jumping into it full-scale. The last thing I needed right now in my life, which seemed to be slipping out of my fingers the more I lived it. I couldn't wait to find out what else would spring up and stress me out even more. Like I needed more frizz in my hair.

"Well, let's get going anyway. Your mother asked me to stop by Pizza Palace on the way home."

"We're getting pizza?" As I slammed the door, a hopeful look came across my face.

Pizza might be just the key think to cheer me up now.

"Nope, sorry." Dad grinned at me while revving up the engine.

"You're getting a job." As I shifted my eyes to his, I groaned inwardly. My nose immediately crinkled in disgust at the demand. Notice I didn't say suggestion, that would imply my vote counted in the decision.

Beautiful.. I checked my watch in silence. And it's barely noon.. Can this day get any worse?

"Thanks Jamie," I turned away from him with a scowl on my face and application between my fingertips. If only I could scrunch it up and throw it in the trash before getting back into the truck, then tell Dad Pizza Palace wasn't hiring, it'd be too perfect.

But no, Dad had to come in, embarrass me to Jamie, talking about how much of a lazy bum I was turning into (great impression of your daughter when you want her to work for the guy), and make sure I picked up the application. On the other hand, I was afraid of the other jobs Mom would try to find for me. Horrifying images of me standing on the roof of a six-story building replacing roof tiles flashed into my head as I pushed the glass door open, feeling a soft breeze against my cheeks.

"All set, kiddo?" Dad asked me while we walked down the sidewalk back to the truck's parking spot. I shot him a venomous look but didn't answer.

"Ooh," he teased. "Someone's not happy about working, huh?" As I glanced up at him, I wished I could've just opened up my frustrations about driving, stress from hockey, JoAnn... most of all Zac.

Dad would understand.. I thought. Wouldn't he?

But then I realized something: I simply wasn't close to Dad anymore. Sure, we sat across the dinner table from each other, but ever since I'd started high school, our schedules didn't overlap as easily as they had before. As soon as I'd gotten sucked into hockey, I saw even less of the man. It felt strange, to be so close through blood and genetics, but so far away in words and spirit. When I finally decided to open my mouth, unfortunately, little white lies decided to start pouring out of it.

"State the obvious, why don't you?" I took the same joking tone I had become accustomed to using with Dad lately.

No need to get personal about it, I figured. We walked back to the car and rode the rest of the way home in silence.

Monday afternoon..

Did you go out and form a life without me?

Glancing up from the note on my desk in math class, I caught a sad pout on Zac's face. Before I even had a chance to sit down, there was a knock on the door behind me. Looking over my right shoulder, I frowned at the sight of Samantha standing there, note of her own in her hand and pre-calc book at her side, incredibly huge smile on her face.

What is she doing here? What a way to start out Monday morning.

"Mr. Metzner?" She called out in a cheery voice.

"What is so important you felt the need to interrupt the lecture, young lady?" Ahh, good ol' Metzner. I could always count on him not to give anyone slack, not even Miss Cheerleader/Beauty Queen herself. The scene was more than reassuring to my sensitive ego.

"I'm sorry." She smiled widely. "I'm transferring into the class."

"Splendid! Have a seat." My mouth nearly dropped onto the top of my desk as Metzner took the note from her hand and gestured to the sea of desks around us with a big smile on his face. I prayed that he was only excited to have another math enthusiast in his grasp, although I use the term enthusiast lightly. As I quickly scanned the room, I breathed a sigh of relief seeing there were hundreds of open seats near the front. Unfortunately, one sat right in front of me, empty with the loss of JoAnn.

Oh no.. not here. Not in front of me. I crossed my fingers and looked back at the doorway, only to find Samantha heading right in my direction. With a satisfied smile, she settled herself right down at the place I wanted her least of all options. I felt like banging my head against my own, and I would've, except with one sweeping arm movement, layer upon layer of blonde curls were threw across the top of it.

What luck.

"Psst." Zac hissed at me. As I snapped out of my thoughts, I remembered the note he was pointing to. Unfortunately, Samantha mistook his sound as for her.

"Hi Zac," She whispered softly back at him. I rolled my eyes and took out a pen, but stopped it in mid-air.

How am I supposed to talk to him now? This was my only class with Zac, the only time I ever saw him in school other than lunch, which by now I'd ditched him for studying in the library. Pretty much the only time I saw him in life anymore it seemed was in the presence of Metzner, with me being busy with hockey practice recently. Not that I minded being busy, gave me a darn good excuse not to see the poor guy.

But can you blame me? I glanced up at the back of Samantha's head, hair still sprawled over my desk, and sighed.

"Hi Sam." Zac whispered back, before trying again, this time a little louder. "Linds!"

"No talking, Mr. Hanson!" Metzner spoke out from his usual stance at the board. Despite my situation, I smiled a little as Zac slumped down in his seat and mouthed something unrepeatable after the teacher turned back to the board.

As soon as the bell rang, I stood up from my seat and bolted out of the room as usual, walking as fast as my legs could carry me. Funny enough, I found myself having more strength in them since starting hockey, not to mention a more normal breathing pattern when rushed. The activity definitely had more advantages than the sore muscles and extra long naps required to relax them. Plus, I needed to get out of class before Zac had a chance to track me down about not answering him, or I received a reminder from Sam to stay away from him, whichever came first.

"Linds!" I ignored the sound of my name called out behind me, pretending not to have heard Zac.

"LINDS!" Just walk faster..

"... Linds?" Although it was much softer in sound, it made me stop in my tracks. I wistfully bit down on my lower lip and chewed it. I didn't turn around, but his voice sounded so quiet, so abandoned.. so lonely.

Cut it out, I thought, snapping myself back into my set mode. He's only doing it for attention.. well, that's the last thing he'll get from me..

I resumed my pace and continued to class without another thought of it in my head. Couldn't ignore the heavy feeling in my chest as I did so, but at least I wasn't going to let myself think about it any more. Now Zac was another story: he was going to let me do anything but that. Like after school, when he tried again:

"Lindsey!" He called out to me as soon as my fingers left my shut locker door. As quickly as a reflex, I turned and headed to leave- in the opposite direction than the one Zac was hurrying toward me.

"Linds, are you deaf?" A firm hand tugged on my right shoulder until I was halted in my tracks.

Darn it.

"No.. Hi Zac." I cast the words over my shoulder casually.

" 'Hi Zac'? That's all I get?" The disbelief in his voice flowed past my ears. Feeling the twinge in my chest again, I sighed and turned around. The last thing I wanted to do was see him face-to-face, not having seen him for about a week and a half.

And what a torturous ten days it had been, a little voice reminded me. Needless to say, no matter how dearly I missed him and in such a short time period at that, there wasn't any way I'd ever let him know that. Wouldn't improve our uncomfortable situation in the least, or so I believed.

At first I saw his shoes: worn out Nikes. The sight of them made the corner of my mouth twitch into a wry half-smile, I'd told him to throw the darn things out months ago. In a way, it said very much about his personality: leave it to Zac to hold onto something longer than necessary. As I slowly raised my eyes to his, I wasn't prepared for the concern in them. But I knew him too well, and also saw the sadness buried beneath the concern.

"I'm sorry.." I mumbled, still staring up into his eyes. I wasn't prepared for the lack of breath either- what was I so afraid of?

Because you know this is wrong. Stupid me didn't think of the fact not only was he my only friend left after JoAnn, he was my best friend of all times. Funny how people make mistakes.

"Where've you been, Invisible Woman?" I swallowed and smiled meekly at his comment. That was another personality trait of his: covering up his true feelings with light jokes. It was his security blanket.

"Around." I waved my arm around in the air, knowing full-well that giving vague answers was my own blanket of security.

"You?"

"The same." He eyed me suspiciously. "You aren't secretly dating a loser and you just don't want me to meet him, are you?"

"No.." Like anyone would ever date me.

"Are you pregnant?"

"No."

"You're not part of a government conspiracy, are you?"

"Of course not." I cracked a smile.

"Were you abducted by aliens?"

"Do I look like it?"

"Hard to tell.." He scratched his chin, pretending to be in deep thought. "Did you get a sex change?"

"Zac!" I cried, finally breaking into a giggle and he finally broke into a smile of his own. Just as my luck would hold true, just as we had finally relaxed around each other again, I caught the sight of Samantha walking toward us. My smile immediately faded when I saw the frown on her face and the slight shake of her head. That was all the warning I needed, so I quickly excused myself and rushed past Zac. As he called a confused good-bye to me, I didn't turn around again, for fear both of them would see the tears starting to sting my eyes.

"Sorry Zac.. I-I've gotta go to practice now." I called weakly in response. Little did I know, that tiny lie would start the snowball that would eventually trigger a landslide over everything that I knew, everything that I loved, everything about me.