I Give You My Heart

"Who are you and what did you do with my girlfriend?" Was Zac's initial reaction to my new look when I met him outside my house. I'd waited on telling him about the not-so-subtle changes I'd made until he came to pick me up for dinner. I'd even changed into a completely un-Maggie-like outfit: a pair of tight black Capri pants and a loose-fitting light blue top. I also found it fun to toy around a little with my hair instead of pulling back in its usual ponytail. I'd applied dark auburn-red lipstick to my normally pale lips, gotten the first use out of my eye liner after several mishaps of me looking like a raccoon, and used foundation to cover up a few of the light brown freckles that normally spotted my cheeks, to mention other changes. Whether this newness would stick or leave the next day, I didn't really care. It felt just like dressing up and, for the meantime, it was fun.

"Do you like it?" I asked, afraid he didn't.

"Of course. You'll always be beautiful to me," He leaned over and brushed a kiss softly on my cheek before adding, "No wonder you took so long this time."

"Thanks," I rolled my eyes but smiled as he took my hand in his. "So we are we headed tonight?"

"I want this to be a surprise." He winked while holding the door of his Jeep open for me.

"Zac.. You, me, and surprises don't mix too well," I warned, sitting down.

"This isn't a big surprise, just something special."

What's the difference? I wondered as I watched him walk around the front of the car.

"Umm.. ok. Take me away then." I tried to sound enthusiastic when he sat next to me. After he pulled out of my driveway, I settled back and examined the profile view I had of him out of the corner of my eye. A majority of the thinking I'd done had also been about Zac.

He's entirely devoted to me. Around him, surprisingly, I felt secure.. emotionally secure that is.

But do I love him? The question had rung through my head again and again. I was getting tired of hearing it.

My doubts circulated around my reactions to Zac, no doubt brought upon by Mia kicking Taylor to the curb, so to speak. As he took my hand, I felt the warmth of his palm, but no excitement emanated from it, no little spark. My heartbeat remained neutral; I didn't feel anything out of the ordinary. Although not the type in general, I'd never daydreamed about us together.

He's always just 'there'..

And then there was that feeling of guilt. Ironically, it's the one emotion I really can't control. When inside of me, it twists my stomach into knots and chews away at the tips of my fingernails and gives me massive headaches. To put it less than mildly, I hate it. Call it my weakness.

Why shouldn't I love Zac? He's the best I ever had..

Maybe sparks just don't exist, was the other side of my internal argument.

"So how've you been feeling?" Concern in his voice, Zac turned his profile view into a full view as he turned towards me.

"Oh, fine." I said distractedly.

"You ok? Penny for your thoughts," he grinned.

You couldn't afford me.

"Not really thinking of much at all," I lied.

"Well, you know what I'm thinking?" He asked softly, intertwining his fingers with mine.

"What?" I smiled tightly, although from hearing the romantic notes in his voice, I really didn't want an answer.

"Just how lucky I am." He lifted the back of my hand to his lips and kissed it softly.

"Thanks," I whispered, forcing my smile even wider. It took all my strength not to burst into tears on the spot. I gently retracted my hand from him.

"Well," he continued, pulling the car over to the side of the road. "I wasn't going to bring this all up now, but I just can't help myself."

"What are you doing Zac?" I asked, warily watching with wide eyes as he put the Jeep in park and search around in his coat pockets. Finding what he was looking for in his left pocket, he slowly pulled his hand out, cupped around something so I couldn't see it.

"Maggie, you're a wonderful person," he said first.

Is he breaking up with me? I felt a mix of emotions at the thought.

"These last months with you have made me really happy, and-"

No - there isn't supposed to be an 'and,' there needs to be a 'but' in order to have a break up, my mind focused on the last word he said.

"-I want you to have this." He opened his hand towards me, revealing a black velvet box.

"Zac," I gasped, lifting my fingers to my mouth. "I-I can't accept this.."

A ring? I curled slightly away from the little box as if it were venomous. Shit, shit, shit.

The word echoed in my head:

Shit, shit, shit.. What have you gotten yourself into?

"Sure you can, it's not that big of a deal." He offered the box to me again.

"Not right now." I shook my head furiously. "Zac, we haven't been dating that long.. "

"Just open it, silly," he opened my hand and placed the box in my palm. Rubbing my thumb over the plush velvet, I debated how far I could throw it if I opened the window. Glancing to the side, I saw nothing but an empty ditch of yellow weeds.

Darn, it'd be the only thing I'd see. Bad idea. Gingerly, I turned the box towards me with my index finger and lifted the lid with my thumb. As the top flew up with a snap, I shut my eyes tightly.

"Maggie, I love you." My eyes still closed, I felt his fingers brush past mine. Then the reassuring sound of a chain rustling.

Chain means necklace, retard, I reminded myself, my eyelids snapping up. I saw a tiny silver heart on a silver chain dangling in front of my face. I let out the biggest sigh of relief, feeling as if I'd stopped breathing for the last few minutes.

"Zac," I clasped my hands around it lightly.

"It's so beautiful.." This time it was harder to fight the tears. My fingers trembled as I held the necklace. It slid through my fingers, landing on the seat. I lifted my hand to my forehead, covering my eyes away from him as my tears threatened to spill over.

"Hey," he reached over and picked up the necklace.

"It's ok.." He turned my shoulders towards the passengers' side window. Rivers of salt water ran over my cheeks and down my chin as I watched the silver heart slid over my collar bone. After fastening the clasp, Zac's hands warmly rubbed my back.

"Maggie," he whispered, sliding his hands to my shoulders and turning me around to face him. He interrupted the free-flowing stream from my left eye by brushing his fingers over my cheek, mistaking my tears as ones of happiness. He must've tasted the salt that lingered on my lips as he kissed me deeply. I could barely kiss him back, still feeling extremely relieved it wasn't a ring.

"Are you sure you're ok?" He broke our kiss, noticing it'd made my tears fall faster. I could only nod in response.

"The thought of not being with you anymore at the hospital.. I love you so much." His voice trailed off softly, causing my tears to flow harder. Again, I couldn't even open my mouth to answer him.

"Hey.. you looked a little.." He searched for the right word.

".. relieved when I gave you the necklace. You weren't expecting anything else, were you?" he asked softly. Again, I could only move my head: I shook it back and forth slightly. My fingers closed around the delicate silver heart that now hung around my neck. I closed my eyes, praying it would help me stop crying.

"Hello?" Karen answered the phone.

"Is-is Maggie there?" Sarah stammered nervously.

"Not at the moment; she's out with Zac. Is this Sarah?"

"Y-yes."

"Are you alright dear?" she asked

"I'm f-fine," she replied, although her voice sounded anything but fine.

"Can I give her a message for you?" Karen asked gently.

"No-" Sarah started to say, when Karen's attention was interrupted by me banging open the front door.

"I swear one of these days I'm going to turn into a hermit," I mumbled to myself. "Oh, hey Karen."

"Maggie," she waved me over to her, her other hand clasping over the receiver. "It's Sarah. I think something's wrong."

"Thanks," I accepted it from her, instantly alarmed. "Sarah?"

"M-m-Maggie?" she whispered. I'd never heard her sound so afraid before.

"Where are you?" I demanded.

"At the a-apartment.." she whispered again

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes. Stay right there." I emphasized.

"Ok," I barely heard her reply before I hung up the phone. I grabbed my keys out of my pocket and walked as quickly to the door as I could.

"I'll be back later!" I called before slamming the door behind me. On the way over to Sarah's house, a million horrific thoughts flashed through my head.

What if she's hurt? What if.. oh God, what if she's having the baby now? They remained in my head even as I ran up the front steps of the apartment to the front lobby. In my hurried flight, I nearly ran over-

"Isaac!?" I asked incredulously. "What are you doing here?"

"Sarah called me," I wondered if the same sense of uneasiness I saw in his eyes were also in mine.

Nope, I probably look completely panic-stricken, I thought. To our dismay, we noticed the elevator was out of order.

"After you." Ike held the door to the steps for me.

"Thanks," I replied breathlessly as I started running up the stairs. Five flights of stairs later, I wanted to die. My body was completely drained of all its energy, my chest heaving, my lungs crying out for oxygen. Looking over at Ike, I noticed he wasn't in as bad of shape as I was.

"How'd you do that?" I panted as he held the door open for me, noticing his face was barely red.

"I took the steps two at a time," he replied with a grin. "Helps if you have longer legs."

"Ok, so laying around in bed for the last five days has put me out of shape. But come on," I led him down the hall to Mark's apartment. Mark.. I thought, flinging open their apartment door. But he was no where in sight. Neither was-

"Sarah!" I yelled into the silent living room. The first thing I noticed were all the beer bottles that littered the floor around the couch. A very sickening smell filled my nose, making me cough.

"I'm in here," she called weakly from the bedroom. Isaac and I immediately followed her voice. It was a good thing he was behind me; I nearly fainted when I saw her sitting on the floor in a pool of her own blood, hands wrapped under her stomach, her body almost entirely covered with bruises.