Of All Times

"No.. not now." I groaned. I tried turning the key again. Nothing.

"Louise, don't do this to me baby!" I banged my palm loudly on the dashboard, as if it would've done any good.

What am I going to do? I nearly jumped out of my skin as I turned to look out my window at the dark parking lot and saw a darkened face peering back at me.

"Ahh!" I screamed. After calming down, I recognized it as Taylor.

"Oh, he's still here."

Smooth one, I thought, hoping he hadn't heard. He must've at least seen me jump about ten feet though.

"Hey," he said to me as I opened the door. "I was about to leave when I saw you pounding on your car."

"It won't start." I explained meekly.

Of all days to bail on me Louise.. I secretly thanked her in my head.

"Want me to take a look at it?" he asked.

"Nah.. I have a feeling it's just the alternator, it's only about seven years old." I was a little surprised at his kind offer.

"At least it was the alternator last time." I added sheepishly.

"Maybe this will teach you to get a new car." He grinned at me, resting his hand lightly on the open car door.

"Maybe.." I noticed him shiver slightly in the wind.

"I'll give you a ride home," he offered, kneeling down to the same level as me. Not remembering the last time I'd been so close to him before, I was mesmerized by his gaze. Even though we were under dim lighting in the parking lot, the dark shadows that outlined his face accented the dark pupils that looked straight through me. Resisting the urge to reach out and touch his soft cheek took all of my strength; I barely heard the howling wind around us. It took a few minutes for me to realize that I was supposed to answer him.

".. That's ok. I'll just call for a tow truck or something." I sat firmly behind the wheel, unable to look away.

"No truck would come at this time." He had a point.

"Come on." He stood up and playfully offered his hand to me.

"I'm fine." I assured him.

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." He grabbed my wrist and pulled me out. Surprised at his strength, I was lifted up until standing mere inches from him. Although his arm on the car door also rested softly against my waist, I ignored it. Everything except for his penetrating blue eyes around me became a fuzzy blur. I saw genuine concern in those eyes, the eyes I'd dreamed of being able to drown myself in when I was younger. His warm breathe formed small wisps of vapor that meandered through the cold night air over my nose. Forming a tight-lipped smile, I realized he had me. Worse, I was afraid he knew it too.

"Careful, Bob." I spoke lightly, trying to break the tension. "I could always say no."

"Please don't," Tay took a step back and pretended to cover between his legs with his hands. "I don't know if I could take much more of that."

"What some guys wouldn't do for their girlfriends." I meant the comment as a joke, but spat out the last word a little too bitterly. I instantly wished I could take it back. I turned away from him, shutting my car door. As I locked it securely, I heard his words travel around me like the wind.

"Mia's not my girlfriend.. "

Hallelujah! My face instantly lit up. Almost as quickly, I broke my smile, catching his reflection in the window. I could only hope he hadn't seen mine. Not much luck: he gave me an amused glance.

".. Yet." He finished.

Damn that word.

"Oh, you haven't asked her?" I asked casually, turning around slowly and hoping I sounded like I wanted to hear about it.

"Nope," he said casually as we started walking to his car.

Zac's Jeep, I couldn't help but sadly notice as he got in, leaned over and unlocked my door.

Why do I feel like I've fallen for the wrong Hanson?

"Thanks Taylor." I replied, opening the door.

"I'm not sure how I'm going to ask her. I'd like it to be very special." He continued discussing my least favorite subject, pretending to be deep in thought as I clicked my seat belt ends together.

"If you're looking for advice on romance, you're asking the wrong person." I smiled.

"That's right.." he casually remarked. "You're dating my little brother."

Although obviously an intended joke, I couldn't help but wonder if that statement held a double meaning. I secretly wished it had.

"We're not dating." I softly confessed.

"Really?" He sounded genuinely surprised and glanced at me.

"Not that I know of."

"Well, you should be. He's crazy about you, ya know."

What a weird thing to say.. I darted my eyes and caught him glancing at me again.

"He is?" I stalled the conversation, wanting to know what he meant.

"Yeah. Too nervous to ask you to be his girlfriend though." He grinned, as if amused by our 'Aww, how cute' situation. "He asked me if you'd say yes."

"Hmm.." was all I could say. We fell into an awkward silence.

"Oh, turn left here- back there." I pointed as Tay missed a street.

"You could've told me that earlier." He mumbled.

"Sorry, I thought you knew where I lived."

"I haven't been there in years."

No thanks to you, he didn't have to add.

"It's ok," I said quickly, not wanting to push it. "Just turn around at the next street. It's only a couple miles after the turn."

"All right." Tay leaned over and turned on the radio. Expecting to hear the obnoxious heavy metal garbage that normally poured out of the speakers in this car, I was surprised to hear soft, romantic music.

"What?" He noticed me smiling knowingly at him.

"I didn't know you liked this music."

"I don't. Mia put it on." he explained. He quickly reached over and turned off the radio, leaving us in silence again.

"Oh.. turn left up there." I pointed out way ahead of time.

"Mia's choice, hmm?" I teased.

"Yup."

"I never realized you were such a softie, Taylor Hanson." I couldn't resist. Anything rather than talking about relationships.

"I am.. for the right person."

"Oh.." I said softly; any good-natured teasing in me evaporated.

What is it about this guy? I've had millions of male friends, yet he's completely alien to me. I have no idea how to read into his sentences, absolutely no clue how he felt about me, let alone if he still hated me for being cruel years ago, of which was a mistake on my part.. and yet I was falling for him.

Of all people.. And yes I'm rambling, I reminded myself.

"What did you mean earlier about not being romantic?" his beautiful voice rang clearly through the silence, disrupting my jumbled thoughts.

"Oh.. I don't know how much you keep track of my love life," (closer than I would ever know) "but it's virtually non-existent. Zac was basically my first date since I was thirteen." I babbled senselessly, not thinking this information held much relevance.

"Really?"

Uh-oh.. I realized what I'd let out.

"Umm.. nope." I shook my head sheepishly.

"I.. I think you remember why though." I looked pointedly at him.

"Justin?" He asked, as if trying to remember. "Oh, that's right.."

"Yeah." I said in a tone that implied, 'don't even think about going there again or you'll never be able to make children ever again in your life.' Call it my own little moment of empowerment.

"Not one date?" he persisted.

"No!" Geez.

"Ok, sorry," his voice dripped with sarcasm. "I didn't know it was such a touchy subject. Hey, while we're on touchy subjects, why-"

"Here's my house." I interrupted, pointing. I'd never been so happy to see it, as opposed being in the same car with the object of my affections.

"Just a sec." Tay said, pulling into my driveway. "Don't leave yet."

"What?" I asked curiously. He set the car in park and turned towards me. I was surprised at the quickening beat of my heart. It was so loud I was afraid he might hear in this awful silence. I wrapped my coat tightly around my chest, as if to muffle, or perhaps ignore, the sound.

"How come you never answered me?" Hearing his voice ask softly, I looked into those deep blue eyes and saw a pain that seared all the way to my heart.

It was your fault. All your fault.. my mind echoed. I swallowed nervously.

"I.. I don't know." I said honestly, examining the floormats in the car. What else could I say? It was the truth. I had no idea why I'd thrown away one of the greatest friendships I'd ever made.

"You were one of my best friends." I felt my shoulders drop as his calm voice plunged the pain deeper into me.

"I.. I'm sorry Taylor." I whispered huskily. The wonderful sight of him turned blurry underneath the tears I couldn't keep from forming in my eyes. Not wanting them to spill over in front of him, I reached towards the door handle with a shaky hand.

"So am I." Were the bitter words that escaped from his mouth. However, my brain accepted them in another form:

Your loss.

"Bye." I whispered to him before shutting the door. Dark shadows cast over his face refused to let me see any reaction from him. After glancing one last time at him, I turned around and ran inside even before he took the car out of gear.