That Sucks

Have you ever felt so oddly about a person that the mere sight of them stopped you from fully functioning? When I say oddly, I mean you have such a mixture of violent emotions about them; you love and hate them so much at the same time that everything ends up coming out wrong. After finally settling down with Zac, if you could call it 'settling down,' having only been a few dates, not to mention seeing him every day that I worked, I couldn't make myself forget about Taylor. No matter how hard I tried, he was always a back corner of my mind. Seeing a younger version of him so frequently almost made it worse.

On the other hand, I lived on the other side of town from the Hansons. With work and school taking up most of my life, I didn't have to worry about any possible confrontations. I never stopped looking for him at school, however, convinced that in each five minute time interval between classes he'd be waiting to be bumped into by me, until one Friday morning when I was late and cut the corner of the art building quicker than usual to get to my Chemistry lab, where-

"Oh, excuse me!" I rushed, my notes from early afternoon lecture flying out of my hands upon impact. Looking away from the person I'd run into, I bent down and hurriedly picked up the strewn papers.

"What's the hurry?" I glanced up as the sound of HIS beautiful voice filtered down like an angelic message.

Eeek! My mind screamed excitedly as he kneeled to my level and helped me pick up some of my papers. So he did go to school here after all.

About time I ran into him.

"Just late for class, as usual. Thanks Taylor." I smiled and stuffed the handful of papers he handed me into a folder.

"No problem. Actually, I'm glad I ran into you. Or rather, you ran into me." The sunlight danced in his blue eyes as he grinned at me. This was a new Tay, someone a little warmer towards my existence on this planet. I wondered if he'd been smoking crack- where was the guy who hated me and wanted me to drop out of reality?

"Really.. why?" My heart skipped a little faster beat.

"My mom needs a babysitter tonight for Zoë. She has a meeting. I'm going out with Mia, so I can't." He added.

How could I have forgotten? I thought bitterly. Mia hadn't let me forget about it all week.. I had started disliking the girl the more she talked about him, telling me how they talked on the phone every night of the week, how sweet he was, how much she was looking forward to seeing him in person, etc.

Blech. It made me sick.

".. Sure." I couldn't believe the word came out of my mouth. The delighted look in Tay's eyes reinforced my decision.

"Thanks. I've gotta get to class." He turned to walk into the art building, pushing each step with renewed energy. Although Mia was a nice girl, his real plan was falling into place. He whistled down the hall happily.

"You're too funny!" Sarah laughed so hard tears formed in the corners of her eyes.

"Me? What'd I do this time?"

"You're pathetic." She said into the phone.

"How so?" I was started to get irritated.

"I can't believe you agreed to baby-sit for the Hansons. I'd never get caught dead in that house again, particularly if I were you. I'm not going back anytime soon myself, if I have anything to say about it."

"Although not in the house, need I remind you that a certain someone agreed to meet her ex-boyfriend for dinner tomorrow night? Without her fiancée's approval, I might add..." I teased her in a sing-song voice.

"Shut up. It's not like a date or anything. Like I said, he called me last night and wanted to get together. We're just two friends, going to catch up."

"More like going to get caught up in each other again."

"Not even! I love Mark and I want to marry him." I couldn't help but wonder why she was getting so worked up over seeing Issac on Saturday. I brushed it off as hormonal issues.

"How's Mark doing recently? Any luck with a new job?"

"Nope." she replied hastily.

Not even started looking yet.. She didn't want to tell me how the bills were starting to stack up.

"That sucks. I'm sorry."

"I know. So how is work going for you?" She quickly changed the subject.

"Pretty good. Mia's been telling me all about the wonderful aspects of Taylor's personality." I rolled my eyes, reflecting the sarcasm in my voice I relayed to my best friend.

"Well, not that it would bother you, right?"

"Other than the fact I used to like him." I agreed, emphasizing the word 'used.'

"And you've got Zac now." Sarah reminded me.

"I guess so. We're not officially dating or anything."

"Has he asked you yet?"

"Nope. Thank God too.."

"You still don't want a relationship?" Static buzzed in my ear as she sighed into the phone.

"No-" I started to explain, but was interrupted at Mark yelling at her in the background. Sarah quickly slipped her hand over the phone so I wouldn't hear.

"Get off the phone bitch! Making the fuckn' bills go up."

"What did he say?" I asked.

"Not much. Just needs to use the phone. I'll see ya later."

"Are you coming to the seminar this Thursday? I haven't seen you at the last three.." I reminded her.

"If I can make it. I'm busy working during lunch hours now." Not to mention on a tighter gas budget.

"Wow, you're working quite a bit."

"Thirty-seven hours a week, to be exact. Not to mention school."

"That sucks. You're amazing though."

".. Thanks. I have to be. Not many choices right now in my life otherwise."

"Is everything ok?" I picked up on the sadness in her voice she'd been hiding inside for the last few weeks.

"Of course." She reassured me quickly, covering up her concerns once again.

that Friday night..

Such a little angel, I thought to myself, watching Zoë finally settle down to sleep. I couldn't imagine that endless supply of energy came from such a little girl. I quietly crept out of her room and down the hallway. Having not much else to do, I sacked out on the living room couch and turned on the television. I paused as the classic movie channel sparked my attention.

I hadn't been sitting there for more than fifteen minutes watching a black and white film when I heard a car pull up in the driveway and saw its lights shine through the windows. Two silhouetted figures stepped out of it after the lights turned off. I could barely make them out in the darkness outside while I watched the larger, male I presumed, walk around the car to the female and embrace her tightly. I figured it was Mr. and Mrs. Hanson back.

"How cute." I couldn't help but smile. It might be nice to grow old with someone, to be so close and comfortable for so long. If only there wasn't all that garbage to sort through at the beginning of a relationship.

Beginning of a relationship.. I began to think of Zac. How could I tell him I didn't want anything serious? At least with him. His feelings for me were genuine, they just made me feel happy and guilty at the same time.. but why?

My thoughts were interrupted by the front door opening. Turning my head, I was surprised to catch the sight of Mia and Taylor hand-in-hand reflected in the hallway mirror. To the best of my knowledge, I didn't think they knew I was within ear shot. Proving my knowledge to be limited, Taylor knew exactly where I was. The entire experience couldn't have gone better for him.

"Thanks so much for dinner tonight Taylor." Mia said, almost as if on cue. She couldn't have played her part more perfectly, completely innocent, in his mind.

"I'm just happy you liked it so much."

"Show me around your house," she suggested.

"Sure, come on." As he took her hand and guided her towards the living room, I quietly slumped down in the couch. For some reason, a confrontation with the two of them was not exactly the anticipated highlight of my night.

"You know, I've never been to the Blue Swan before. What a beautiful place." Mia exclaimed.

Did she say Blue Swan?

"I figured you'd like it. Wait right here. I have another surprise for you."

Surprise? Can we say deja-vous? This was getting awfully coincidental.

"Ok, but I'll miss you."

Gag me, he's only going to be gone for a minute. Mia leaned against the wall in the living room and gazed distractedly at the TV, waiting for him to return, still oblivious to my presence. On the other hand, I could understand how Taylor might have that affect on someone.

"For you." Taylor came around the corner wall and presented a single red rose in front of her face.

"It's beautiful. How on earth did you know I love red roses?"

Red roses? Closing my eyes, I heard the crinkle of tissue paper and could only guess it was white in color. Doubting the possibilities Tay had such horrible dating tactics he copied them from Zac or maybe Zac didn't know anything himself so he copied Tay, I realized what he was really up to. Sitting upright, I turned around just in time to see them sharing a kiss. I coughed slightly to announce my presence.

"Hey guys." I managed to keep my voice calm, although I wanted to strangle the both of them as they finally broke apart: Taylor, for his stunts and Mia for taking the place that, in my stubborn opinion, should've been mine.

"Maggie? I didn't know you were still here." Taylor replied innocently. I saw right through him and decided to play along.

"I hope you guys had a good time tonight. You're so cute together." I made sure to emphasize that word. "I think I'll get going now since you're back and you probably want to be alone."

I clicked the power button on the remote, turning off the television, and winked knowingly at them. Neither one of them answered me, but Mia returned my wink. I had a horrible feeling I'd hear all about what happened the next day we worked together.

I walked silently to the front door, stopping to get my coat before walking outside. It took all ounces of my strength not to give in to curiosity and look back at them as I slid it across my shoulders and shut the door behind me. However, after getting in Louise and listening to her roar to life, I couldn't help but feel a sense of emptiness inside. I silently cried most of the drive back to my house.