Kick My Ass

"Afternoon Joe." I smiled briefly at my co-worker as I walked past the front desk of the health center.

"Hey yourself, hot stuff." He flashed me a brilliant smile from his head behind the desk.

"Kiss my ass." I muttered under my breathe.

"That's not an offer now, is it Maggie?"

"Oh shit." I threw Joe an apologetic smile. I didn't think he actually heard that.

"Baby, I had no idea you felt that way about me." He purred at me. "Maybe I should start calling you Kinky."

"Joe.." I paused, leaning one of my elbows on the counter. "Do you actually think the pet names are going to get you anywhere?"

"Of course not." He replied. "I just like infuriating you."

"That.. is not worth a response." I chose one of Taylor's lines, shook my head, and walked back to the women's locker room. Once there, I dropped my bag onto the floor and spun the combination lock on my locker. After snapping it open, I opened my locker and took out my workout clothes. Humming to myself, I stripped off my street clothes, whirling around as the door swung open forcefully.

"Hey," I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that it was only Mia.

"Hi. Excuse my nakedness."

"Nothing I've never seen before." She waved her hand in the air at me and opened her own locker. After dressing, I tied my shoes with a flick of my wrists and sighed.

"Another day, another aerobics class." I groaned, picking my foot off of the bench it was resting on and dropped it to the floor.

"Getting tired of your routine already?" Her long, dark hair bounced around her shoulders as Mia turned around and smiled at me. "It's only September, Maggie."

"Ugh, don't remind me." I replied, searching in my bag for a ponytail holder. After experimenting with extremely short hair a few months ago, I'd realized, especially for teaching aerobics classes, it was impractical. Actually, change that: it was downright annoying to have my hair hanging in front of my eyes or sticking to my cheeks, and not be able to hold them back without using at least five hundred bobby pins. So, I'd decided to grow it out longer again, just to see how long it would take. I'd gotten part of my answer in the last six months: a pretty darn long amount of time. My stupid hair seem to grow only a quarter of an inch each month and now barely hung past my shoulders.

Still, it's better than before, I thought, pulling it back with a rubber band.

"Hey, when does your class get done with?" She asked me with a knowing grin.

"Six.. Why?" I didn't trust that look of hers.

"I'm working the desk until then, but I have a kickboxing class at six. You should come."

"I don't think so." I quickly replied, a smile coming to my lips as I remembered the last class of Mia's I'd gone too. "I think I'm still recovering from that Women's Empowerment Night you had last spring."

"That was months ago." She rolled her eyes. "And besides, you look like you need a change of pace. Just try it."

"That's ok. I'm not exactly looking to get in better shape." My hands gesturing to my figure, I threw her an amused half-smile, and took a few steps toward the exit door of the locker room.

"Chicken." She muttered behind me. Too bad I heard that. Far be it for me to ever turn down a challenge.

"What?" I stopped right before the door.

"Oh, nothing."

"Yeah, like I didn't hear that. You think I'm afraid of your class?" I frowned slightly at my co-worker.

"Mmm-hmm." She nodded.

"All right, fine." I pointed my index finger at her. "I'll show you. I'll be at your class tonight, just to prove you wrong."

"Wonderful. See you then."

"Hmm.." I mumbled out loud as I spread my legs out to the side and leaned forward, resting my palms on the stubby carpeting on the floor of room three, designated as "Mia's." I normally got room two, only because of the seniority I had over her. Actually, there wasn't a room one; it'd been turned into another weight lifting room. Lucky for us women: it was located right across from our locker room. I could probably count the number of times I saw a woman lifting weights there each month, let alone week, on one hand. To put it another way, maybe I should be more careful where I'm standing while changing when the locker room door swings open widely.

I wonder if this it what it's like waiting before my classes. I noted to myself, glancing around at the others who were streaming into the room. For some odd reason, they all looked a little more.. buff, for lack of better word, than those who attended my classes. I also noticed many of the women were all the same age as me, college girls, and they also didn't wear very much clothing. My eyes widened at one girl in particular: don't get me wrong, she had more of a figure than two of me put together, but she looked great in her sports bra and spandex pants get up. Suddenly, I felt very overdressed in my T-shirt and sweatpants.

Taking another glance, I saw that the guys weren't dressed much better. I was amazed at how good of shape they were all in as well- enough to wonder why on earth they were even in this class. However, there's a particular amount of concern that comes up when seeing guys run around in all spandex too.. such as, when they came out of the closet, if you know what I mean.

Actually, these guys here look more like they've all been pumped with steroids. Conceited too.. I raised an eyebrow at the small group of them that were clustered by the set of mirrors against the front wall, which all rooms had, as they compared certain muscle sizes.

At least I can be sure that I have more intelligence in my pinky finger than the whole group of them, I thought with a wry smile.

And I'll have to make a note to get to my own classes on time. I glanced at my watch. This waiting around is incredibly boring.

"Hey Kate," A girl surprised me as her voice rang cheerfully in my ear. Glancing up, I saw another one of those people walking through the door. At least her top covered her stomach- in fact, she was the only other girl who wore a T-shirt like me. Just as I was about to sigh with relief, she ripped it off, revealing a set of very toned abdominal muscles and skimpy top over them.

"Hi Jen," I whipped my head around when the girl stretching on my left replied in a tone even more cheerful than her friend, if possible. Raising her hands to the ceiling, pulling up on her shoulders, Jen I guess her name is, sighed dramatically.

"I can't help but feel so out of shape." She complained. "I mean, I haven't been here for three days now."

Three days? I couldn't help but give her a strange look.

Hey, coming from a professional, I don't think you'll gain a few pounds from missing three days of aerobics. Suddenly, I was starting to like 'my' girls much better than these, if they were all this insecure.

"I mean, look." Jen continued, her voice now lingering on a wail. Glancing at the strange girl out of the corner of my eye, I watched her hold up her left arm and tap the skin underneath with her fingertips. It barely moved.

"Umm, excuse me." I turned to the girl. "But you have nothing to worry about there."

"Whatever, what would you know?" She asked me in a snide voice. But all I did was smile in return.

I work here, Bitch, wasn't the only nasty thought that ran through my head, but I decided to keep the comments to myself. At that moment, Mia burst into the room and clapped her hands together quickly.

"Sorry I'm late everyone." She gave us all an apologetic smile that I've been known to use once in awhile.. ok, everyday. I jumped up to my feet and turned toward her. After scanning the group for a moment, her dark eyes sparkled when they landed on me. I gave her a confident smile in return, but made my way to the back. If it's one thing I hate, ironically, it's being put up in the front of a group exercising. I didn't have much to loose though, for Jen and Kate pushed their way right up there for me.

"Now, grab a spot on the floor and let's get started!" I couldn't help but wonder if I sounded as energetic in my classes as Mia did as she walked over to the stereo system, slid a CD in it, and returned to the front. I could only pray that I didn't. I know I only joke about being an aerobics bimbo, but that sounded way too perky there Mia.

"Step out into a wide stance, feet shoulder width apart, and raise your arms above your head slowly, stretching the back of your shoulders." I sighed as she demonstrated.

So far, this is just like any other class.. One I could easily do myself. One I could also easily do without, giving the particular company around here, I thought, glancing around at all the muscles that rippled as people stretched them.

If this is how I'm going to look after a few of Mia's classes, this is the last one I'll ever come to.

Still, I couldn't help but wonder why everyone was so incredibly toned..

"Oh my God, make it stop." I grunted to myself. Five minutes into the workout and Mia'd gotten beads of sweat literally dripping down the sides of my face. It was horribly embarrassing, to say the least.

"Just ten more leg lifts!" As Mia began another one of her endless countdowns, I exhaled loudly each time I raised my leg across my chest, and twisted my torso by leading with the opposite elbow. My body was screaming at me despite the simple motion of lifting my left knee and twisting with my right elbow. It actually wasn't the left leg that hurt, it was the one I was standing on. Somehow, and I wasn't exactly sure how, between the beginning stretches and now, she'd completely drained me of energy as well.

She teaches this every day?

"And five. Four. Three. Two.. And one. Good." Mia nodded with approval at us. "Now switch sides. Same thing, thirty times."

"Ahh.." I breathed a sigh of relief for my right calf as I took the pressure off it and started lifting it up to my chest. After about five lifts, the huffing and puffing came back into my breathing pattern. Like a good instructor, at least I remembered to inhale through my nose and push the air out through my mouth. However, looking around at everyone else, I noticed no one else seemed to be having the same problems with me.

Damn them.

"Three. Two. One." Mia finally put her leg down and my left calf now thanked me as I did the same. Unfortunately, my little break didn't last very long:

"Now we're going to add to the lifts."

Oh goody.

"Lift your knee up, then down, then lift up, and extend your leg into a front kick. Just here: knee.. kick. Knee" At least we started with the left leg again. I obliged.

"Kick"

Ok, how stupid do I feel with my leg flapping out there quickly?

"Knee. Kick." She repeated. "Now let's speed it up."

Speed it up!? I'm having enough trouble doing it at this pace. I gritted my teeth, leaned back on my right leg, and tried to follow along the best I could. I hoped I would still be able to stand when this was all over.

"And one-twenty four.. And one-twenty five." "Ohhh..." Well, at least by now, the calisthenics part of her workout, the rest of the class was groaning along with me. Don't make me describe how the rest of the cardio part when, particularly me trying side kicks. It was a miracle I didn't smash my heel into the people next to me, I'll just say that much. I'd never felt more clumsy and coordinated before.

And what the hell is up with her cals? I wondered to myself as we shifted onto our other sides and crunched up for another grueling one hundred twenty five oblique muscle crunches. Last time I'd checked, it didn't do much good to do this many sit-ups. Instead, a mere fifteen, if done slowly and concentrated, would be more than sufficient.

But then again, I was no longer in familiar territory: this was Mia's hunting grounds, and she certainly wasn't going to leave much of our carcasses in the end, that much was apparent. I couldn't remember the last time I'd lost so much sweat before either, my entire body literally felt wet and sticky. There wasn't any way that even I would leave this building without a shower, let alone drink the entire water cooler before I left.

"One-twenty five." "Ohh.." Finally.

"Oh gosh." Mia said, sitting up suddenly. "I've kept everyone over a few minutes, I'm sorry."

Thank God.. it's over. I closed my eyes. For now, I was content to remain sprawled on the floor, but I knew eventually I'd get stepped on, kicked, or made fun of by Mia. Well, the latter would happen no matter what. I had to admit, she was right.

"Just stretch on your own everyone. Remember, the next class is tomorrow afternoon." She called cheerfully to us, giving us a huge smile. "Thanks for coming."

"Thank you Mia!" A guy from the front boomed out loud. To my surprise, everyone around me erupted into a round of applause. Nodding my head approvingly, I smiled at my co-worker and joined in.

"I have to give you a lot of credit, Mags." Mia called out to me as I approached her, pushing my way through a sea of sweaty bodies.

"Nuh-uh." I shook my head back and forth, sending her a wide grin. "I'm the one who needs to give you more credit."

"Really?"

"Yeah." I admitted. Running my fingers through my wet hair, I continued. "You were right. I'm completely wiped out. I haven't felt this hard of a workout in a long time."

"Great! I was so afraid you'd be bored through the whole thing. You seemed to be keeping up all right with the tempo, given your first time and all."

"That's a laugh." I giggled at her comment. "I felt like an incredibly big idiot, flouncing all over the place. You definently kicked my ass tonight."

"Good. Then my work here is done." She grabbed her CD from the stereo and turned it off. "The best part is all the hot guys who come here. Girls too."

"I'm afraid of these people Mia." I confessed, missing her comment about girls as we exited Room three and headed for the locker room together. "And some of us don't workout to check out all the hot guys, ya know."

"I know, I know." She rolled her eyes. "You have your Romeo. Honestly though, a lot of the guys here are kind of fixed on appearance, but hey, they all pay their way."

"I guess that's true." I pushed the locker room door open and sighed. "Taylor's going to love you for this even more than me."

"What do you mean?" She asked, throwing her towel on the bench in front of her locker.

"We're going out for our six month anniversary tonight." I explained with a smile.

"Has it been that long?" I nodded happily. "Where are you going?"

"Actually, he's going to cook dinner for us tonight." My face cracked a huge smile. Taylor's the sweetest.

"Lucky. He never cooked for me."

"Well, between the two of us," I laughed. "His mom cooks it fifteen minutes before I get there and he pretends that it was all his handiwork."

"What a dork." Mia joined in my laughs. I only shrugged in response.

To each his own.