Let's Get It On

"I.. am in Heaven." I declared to our table. Plate upon plate of carefully and gloriously prepared food had just been placed underneath my nose, and it certainly smelled delicious. For once, I wasn't sure where to begin.

"Forget us getting married, you only came along for the food, right Maggie?" Ike leaned over the table so I'd hear him. The four of us: him, me, Sarah, and Taylor were seated at the center of the head table, a long rectangular table. Zac and the other ushers also sat with us but further toward the ends, as well as Sarah's bridesmaids.

"Hold on there, Miss Appetite-of-a-small-third-world-country." Taylor grabbed my wrist as I reached for my napkin.

"Taylor, I'm starving," I whined to him, trying my best at puppy-dog eyes. Didn't work at all, to say the least: the only reaction I got was a disgruntled sigh.

"You've waited all afternoon, you can wait five more minutes." He scolded me, placing my hand in my lap so I wouldn't try touching the food. He stood up and backed his chair, clearing his throat.

"Excuse me, everyone!" He managed to silence the room rather quickly, after the usual leaky tire 'ssshhhh' rang out through the other tables.

"I better do this quickly, or my girlfriend will start eating her way through the tablecloth." He grinned down at me. I stared at him, open-mouthed, disbelieving he'd joke about my appetite to everyone, in the depths of my starvation of all times.

Ok, he's going to get it later. Just a matter of how..

"Ike.." He slapped his hand on his brother's left shoulder, squeezing it lightly.

"As your best man, I'm supposed to do this right, but I'll try not to embarrass you too much." A hum of laughter followed.

Only relatives would find that funny, I rolled my eyes.

"You're too kind," Ike cut in sarcastically. More chuckling from the elders as everyone else lifted their glasses toward Tay.

"Like I was saying," Taylor continued, picking up his own crystal champagne glass.

"Hopefully, you won't make me do this again, but I can tell just by the way you two look into each other's eyes, that's not going to happen.. at least anytime soon. It's a good thing good ol' Ikey here-" at this point he slapped his palm down on Ike's shoulder again. Ike grinned tightly at everyone.

"-got married when he did- he wasn't exactly filling out the right forms at the dating agency, if you know what I mean. At least Sarah took pity on his pour soul and gave him a chance. Let's only hope that your kids resemble more of their mother."

At that part, Sarah sent me a look behind Ike's back that asked 'Did he break into the alcohol already?' I shook my head, trying not to laugh at Taylor making an ass of himself. The poor guy probably thought this speech would make him the life of the party too. However, given his relatives, I wouldn't be surprised if it worked out that way.

"I would like to send a heart-filled welcome to Sarah into our family. We could certainly use another blonde." More laughter..

My arm's getting tired here Taylor, just end it already, I thought, propping my elbow up with my other hand.

"Marriage is such a blessed event-" "Just say 'To the Bride and Groom' already blondie!" Somebody yelled from the back of the room. I nearly turned purple trying not to burst out laughing. Taylor grinned and lifted his glass in the general direction of the outburst.

"To Isaac and Sarah."

About damn time. I took a tiny sip of champagne, only to have it tickle my throat so much on the way down I started sputtering like an idiot. Fortunately, by this time the noise level had risen to a high enough level not everyone heard me.

"Well, if you wouldn't try to down it all in one sip," Taylor pounded his fist on my back, only making the situation worse.

"Taylor, stop!" I managed to get the words out. "That's not helping much."

"Sorry," he said in a pouting voice, sitting back down next to me.

"Now.. let us feast." I reached for my napkin again.

"Wait a minute!" The minister stood up. "Let us pray."

Ahhh!! my mind screamed for my mouth. This certainly was taking more than five minutes. Nevertheless, I bowed my head and closed my eyes.

"Lord in Heaven, Savior to us all.. Please bless everyone here with your love. We thank you for the food you have bestowed in front of us, the beautiful weather outside, and ask for your hand in giving eternal happiness to Isaac and Sarah as they begin their life together. Amen."

"Amen," I whispered, before declaring to our table. "Ok, bring on the food now."

"One last interruption." Isaac stood up this time. I drooped my head dejectedly, before sending him a dirty look out of the corner of my eye.

"I know it's a wedding tradition for everyone to bang on their glasses and plates when you want us to kiss. However, we'd like to ask you all to spare the dishes. Instead, your whole table needs to stand up and sing us a song, or at least part of a song, about love. Then we'll kiss." With a grin, he sat back down.

"Now can I eat?" I whimpered at Ike and Sarah.

"Eesh, yes you can eat." Three heads turned and laughed at me as my fingers flew to my napkin. I stopped reaching for the plate of bread, my hand in mid-air.

"It's really ok for me to eat now, right?" I wanted to double check here. "I mean, no more interruptions, right?"

"None from us at least." Sarah smiled. Whatever she started to say was cut off by the front table rising to their feet. Everyone in the room fell silent and we all focused on them, being my, Ike and Tay's, and Sarah's lovable sets of parents. As Sarah's father lifted his arms up, signaling them to start, I was the first to burst out laughing when they belted out:

"I love you.. You love me.. We're a happy family."

Ahh, the Barney tune. And I'd thought the purple dinosaur had gone extinct within the last few years. Yet here he was, living vicariously through our parents. Hey, it worked though: Sarah and Ike also rose to their feet to stand liplocked for a few seconds, wild cheers breaking out in the group.

"I have a song I'd like to sing for you. I wrote it." A deep-throated woman's voice spoke up. The four of us looked up at the large presence of Sarah's Great Aunt Bea.

Oh dear, I thought. Although I'd only met the woman at the rehearsal dinner, one time with the woman would send anyone running for an early grave. To put it another way: she scares me.

"Ahem." Before any of us could say anything, she cleared her throat and started singing. I cringed at the raspy, low tones she sang with, but more so at how long the thing was.. It seemed to go on forever. After verses about the Lord, marriage, happiness, love, cherishing one another, childhood memories, inner desires.. or wait, maybe it was the inner desires before the childhood memories; I couldn't remember anymore. I found myself actually checking my watch.

This lady's going on three minutes now!

Casting a sideways glance at Ike and Sarah, I smiled at the tip-lipped, forced smiles plastered on their faces.

Wow, sucks to be them.

Finally, Aunt Bea lifted her burly arms outward and pulled her unusually hairy upper lip back in a wide smile. I genuinely felt sorry for the woman, having heard stories of how she'd flown up from Texas to be here with us at the last minute, never had a relationship before, never had sex.. you get the picture. I was only glad she wasn't one of my relatives. We all clapped politely and Sarah and Ike stood and kissed again. I watched as Aunt Bea made her way back to her table and laughed when I saw her take the seat next to my grandmother.

Poor, poor Nana.

"If any of your other relatives pull that, I'm running, screaming like a girl, from the reception hall." I heard Ike murmur into Sarah's ear.

"Don't worry, Sweetie." She replied with a smile as they sat down. "Aunt Bea is one-of-a-kind."

Not that it wasn't a lovely idea, but in the end the singing idea went downhill after that, creating a little irritation in all of us, including the newly weds. Problem being: we were all too polite to stuff food in our mouths while people were singing at them. This translated into one interrupted meal. I couldn't complain though, the food tasted wonderful, even in select bites. I was often caught chewing on my piece of chicken even while a table showed off their vocal skills (not), and sung their Hanson/Jacobs little hearts out. Funny enough, it got so bad at one point, it was almost like Sarah and Ike were in a makeout session. Ike scored big points with me when he finally protested, putting his foot down and his stomach first (yea!).

"Ok, everyone." Ike finally held up his hand. "We'd like to finish eating here before they kick us out in a few hours."

"Thanks Ike," I hissed at him when he'd sat back down.

"That's all right.. I saw the 'oh shit' look on your face quite a bit the last few times we've been kissing."

"Yeah.. why don't you two go get a room or something? Making out, in front of your relatives too!" I said sarcastically.

"We have a room," Sarah informed me indignantly. "Deluxe suite at that. I can't wait until we get to Disney World though; I've never been there before."

"You'll love it." Ike assured her. "It is the happiest place on earth."

"As long as you guys keep your happiness inside the hotel room, Disney World will remain standing." I joked.

"Oh, we're not planning on doing much sight-seeing down there." Sarah winked knowingly at me.

"Too much information guys." Taylor nodded his head in agreement with me. "Too much information."

"I'm not going up there!" I hissed back at Taylor, who was nudging me forward.

"With your clumsiness, you'll miss it by a mile." He reassured me, putting his hands on my shoulders. Sensing another shove, I put my three inch heels to good use and dug them into the carpet, bracing myself. As he sighed, his breath blew a few strands of my hair into my face.

"This is a wedding tradition, Maggie."

"I don't wanna catch the damn bouquet!" I whined in protest, brushing the strands out of my eyes with my index finger.

"Don't be a baby." To my surprise, he grabbed my upper arms and lifted me off the ground.

"Taylor! You're making a scene," I hissed in his ear as he carried me across the room to the dance floor, where a group of single women congregated. Some of them were joking, stretching their arms and legs in anticipation of being the next to get married. However, this was my least favorite part of the wedding ceremony, and I'd do anything not to be involved with it. Unfortunately, my boyfriend was more stubborn than me, not to mention stronger.

"You're making your own scene. Now get going." He finally set me down and smacked me lightly on my backside. I whirled around and pointed my index finger at him warningly, sending him a look of warning. He just shooed me away.

"All right, all right." I knew when I was beat. As I made my way into the tiny mob of high heels, strapless bras, and hairspray, I found myself standing next to Aunt Bea herself.

Ahhh.. I thought, and immediately tried to step away when I recognized her.

"Maggie," she reached out and grabbed my arm to get my attention.

Darn it, I thought. Too slow.

"Aunt Bea," I nodded at her, trying to smile politely.

"I hope I can catch it," she admitted to me. "I don't meet many men in my life, you know."

Boy do I ever, I felt like saying. Instead, I nodded sympathetically and kept my mouth shut for once.

"I've never even been knocked up before-" "Ok, Aunt Bea I think they're starting now." I interrupted her. Bless Sarah for standing in front of us, bouquet in hands. She turned her back to us all and prepared for the almighty hand toss, pausing for a few pictures for the photographer. Somehow, perhaps brought upon by the desperation of all these unwed women, the group got a little restless. I found myself getting bumped up to the front, only to trip over the seam of my dress and land near Sarah's feet.

"Gee, Maggie." She looked down at me. "I had no idea you were so eager to catch the bouquet."

"I can assure you I'm not."

Oh, she knows how I truly feel. That's what the smirk on her face is for, I thought, standing up and brushing off my skirt. I turned around and joined the group warily.

If I can just get through this without hitting the floor again, I'll consider that an accomplishment.

"Now.. if there aren't any more interruptions," Sarah looked over her shoulder at me. I wiggled my fingers a little back at her. She rolled her eyes, turned her head back, and started to toss her roses. (Hey, at least she didn't toss her cookies- sorry, bad humor there). Her arm lifting and fingers releasing the bouquet seem to move in slow motion, as everyone's eyes followed it. I swallowed slightly when I saw it coming right for me.

Darn it, she probably did that on purpose.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I reached my hands out. Fortunately, or maybe I should say unfortunately, I never felt the soft flowers land in them. Instead, I felt a rough shove in my shoulder and found myself tipping sideways. Once again, the floor and I met each other. I gasped in surprise as I landed on my hands and knees, feeling the tips of my kneecaps stinging with future bruises. Opening my eyes, I found that it was Aunt Bea who held the bouquet in her grasp, her face beaming.

"Well, if it was worth that much to her, I guess she can have it." I grumbled under my breath.

She could've set 'It's mine!' and I would've backed off, I thought.

"Are you alright?" Sarah turned around and asked me, covering her mouth so I wouldn't see her grin.

"Yeah, I think so." I said, standing up and brushing myself off for the second time.

"Sorry, that was totally hilarious." She replied.

"I hope they got that on the wedding video." I heard Ike say to Sarah as he joined her side.

"How could they not?" I didn't have enough time to give her an evil glance before Taylor caught up with me, a smug grin on his face and mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

"Shut up." I shook my finger at him before he'd opened his mouth.

"I didn't say anything!" He defended himself.

"But you were going to." I pointed out.

"Nah.. Can't help but comment on the viciousness of you womenfolk though. You nearly lost a limb out there, Babe."

"Don't remind me." I sighed, but smiled up at him. "I think an I-told-you-so from me is in order."

"Whatever you want, Mags." He leaned toward me and kissed my cheek lightly.

"Who cares about being the next to be married," I replied with a smile, looking back up at him. "I have the best boyfriend already."

"Aww.. thanks, Babe." He intertwined his fingers with him and blushed slightly at the compliment.

"You're more than enough of a handful right now." Oh, how priceless was the look of shock on his face? For once he couldn't think of a comeback so quickly.

This must be a first: me out insulting him.

"Should've known I'd follow up with something like that." I smiled up at him.

"I should've known." He sighed lightly, but returned my smile as I rested my head against his shoulder.

"Just smash it in his face already!" I yelled at Sarah, who was directing a bit of cake towards Ike's mouth. She grinned at me, but instead placed it softly on his tongue. A small moan of disappointment went through the group surrounding them, other enthusiasts of food fights I'm sure. I nudged Taylor, who was still standing at my side.

"If that was us up there, it'd be all over your face by now."

"Really? You think I'd let you do that?" He asked me, lifting his eyebrows in doubt.

"You wouldn't have much of a choice." I found his hand and squeezed it lightly.

"We'll see about that. I'd have to be outta my mind and ask you to marry me first." He squeezed my hand tighter.

"Hey.. that almost hurt." I glared at him for a moment then smiled. "Like we should be thinking about getting married soon. Wait until we're old like Ike."

"Hey!" The groom had overheard that last comment. "I resemble that remark."

"Exactly." I called back to him with a smile.

"And why shouldn't we start discussing marriage?" Taylor turned to me and asked. My mouth dropped open.

"Taylor! You're kidding, right?"

"Actually, yeah I was." He admitted with a grin. "If it's ok with you, I'd like to get through college first before filtering through thoughts of marriage."

"Gee, you make that sound as romantic as cleaning the scum out of a fish tank, Taylor."

"All part of my charm."

"I just want to make it through theatre all right." I shuddered at the mentioning of my required class next semester.

"You'll do fine." He assured me. "You're already the biggest drama queen I've ever known, and that's coming from previously sharing a room with Zac."

"Thanks," I rolled my eyes. "Quite the compliment, coming from you Tay."

"Besides," He added. "You have one of the greatest theatrical instructors standing inches from you."

"Oh yeah," I grinned. "Your mom was in Oklahoma in high school, wasn't she?"

"I meant me, silly." He dropped my hand and tried to poke me in the side. I dodged his fingers with a flinch.

"You?" I was genuinely surprised.

"Yup. You'd be surprised at what skills I have to offer."

"Let me guess: you've got da' skills to pay da' bills?" I laughed at my corny impression.

"Not exactly. I just happen to be good at acting." He said matter-of-factly, giving up on tickling me and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yeah right," I snorted. "I saw the Christmas SNL show where you, Ike and Zac were on a few years ago. I didn't see any Oscar nominations for that performance."

"You saw that, hmm?" He asked, a smug look coming across his face.

"Umm.. no. Never heard of SNL before." I pathetically tried to cover my blunder. Last thing I needed was for Taylor to take another ego trip about being famous and loved by every other girl in his age bracket. He might not come back down to earth this time.

"You watched us on TV.. because you were such a teenie and you know it." His grin widened.

"I was not." I lied through my teeth. "Well.. not really."

"I knew it!" He cried, pointing an index finger at me. "Caught you admitting to it too."

"I have nothing to hide." Now there was a lie in itself. Fortunately, Taylor knew my big secrets already; they'd driven us apart in the beginning, but fortunately ended up bringing us closer together. There were still parts of me I found myself hesitant when discussing them with him though. Physical intimacy would be one of them. But I knew I loved the goofball just the same.

"Famous last words, Maggie." I frowned at what he said next. "Everyone has something to hide."

"What?" I asked curiously. "I mean, what are you hiding?"

"Other than the fact I was a gorgeous, teen rock star slash idol, loved and adored by millions of girls all over the world, nothing." I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well, we all have our dark sides." I laughed at him. I could only pray after all the turmoil in my life, my dark past was now dead. No loose ends dangled in front of my face anymore, at least none I could tell.. but I've been known to be wrong.