That’s Unnatural

"God, will you two get a room or something?" Taylor and I broke apart at the sound of a disgusted voice behind us. I turned around and grinned when I saw the culprit: Zac.

"Come on," I replied. "We only did it because we knew you were spying on us.."

"Yeah, it’s all part of our secret plot to gross you out." Taylor rolled his eyes as his younger brother scowled.

"Not all of us are so lucky," my smile disappeared when I heard Zac's deflated voice. Glancing into his eyes, I blinked with surprise at the pain I saw built up there. Immediately I felt concerned.

"Sorry, Zac." I replied softly, my eyes still locked on his. He smiled tightly and whispered in my ear as he passed us,

"It’s ok.. Not your fault."

Could’ve fooled me. I turned and watched him walk down the front sidewalk to the driveway, his normally proud shoulders stooping. While I’d been true to my own heart when breaking us up, Zac had pulled a Maggie-like lifestyle and remained date-less since then. While it may have made the average person feel flattered, I felt horrible with guilt.

"Taylor," I turned back to my boyfriend with determination now in my voice. "That boy needs to get laid."

"Zac, get laid?" I grinned as Taylor doubled over in laughter. "This is my brother we’re talking about, right?"

"Yeah.. Not laid so-to-speak, but he needs a girlfriend." I informed him.

"You heard what he said." He stopped laughing and looked curiously at me. "I hope you don’t have some shrewd, sadistic match-making plan forming in that head of yours."

"God, of course not." I rolled my eyes. "Fond isn’t the word I’d use to describe the memories of Sarah’s prodding into my lack of a personal life."

"Good." He wrapped his arms around my waist again. "Because the last thing I want is you trying to set up Zac."

"Oh, I’m not going to set him up." I replied, lightly gracing a kiss on his cheek. "I have a better idea."

"Please be here, Ike, please be here.." Sarah murmured her prayer aloud as she stepped up the stairs of the Thomas’ house. She hesitated at the front door, wondering if it was proper to wait for Winifred again or just escort herself in.

"Are you going to spend the entire evening on the front porch, Sasha?" Gales of laughter followed Winifred’s perkiness streamed out the nearest open window. Sarah bit her lip to prevent any remarks that she was positive were improper fly from her mouth and let herself in.

If this is the life of high society, she thought, glancing around the stark house again, the white walls reminding her of a prison cell. The snobs can keep it.

It was quite a twist of irony, actually. Sarah had been born and raised in wealth, yet now she wanted nothing to do with it. She was only relieved that her parents, although quite adamant in the beginning, were now more supportive of her life choices. She couldn’t remember her life being so cold and empty though. Her memories were rattled as she bumped into someone nearby.

"Oh! Excuse me," she quickly spoke up, her cheeks flushing pink with embarrassment.

"No problem. It was my fault anyway." A young man about her age turned and smiled at Sarah. It was the first sign of pleasantness she’d felt all night and it made her feel relaxed for the first time.

"My name is Sarah.. Hanson." She replied formally, offering her hand to him. She winced when realizing for the first time just how ordinary her name sounded.

"Nice to meet you, Sarah." The man didn’t show any signs of being unimpressed as his smile widened. "I work with your husband, Ike."

"You do?" She smiled happily at the sound of ‘Ike’ vs. ‘Isaac.’

"Yes." He nodded slightly, shaking her hand firmly. "My name is Gilbert."

"Gilbert?" Sarah echoed.

"It’s a horrible name, I know." He smiled with amusement. "I have my parents to thank for the personal humiliation. The guys just call me G around the office though."

"Oh.. all right.. G." She smiled, immediately feeling comfortable with him. "So what exactly do you do for the firm?"

"Well, I’m actually just a-" Gilbert started but got interrupted as Sarah’s ‘name’ was called out again.

"Sasha," Winifred called from Sarah’s left. "Do come out to the parlor for a chat. We all are looking so forward to getting to know you better."

"Guess I’m being summoned." Sarah winked at Gilbert. "It was nice meeting you."

"Nice meeting you too." He replied. "Let me know if you need anything tonight."

"Oh…" She replied, her eyes flooding with confusion at his odd request. But he just smiled and disappeared around a corner, offering no explanation. Not that she had much time to think about it, though.

"There you are." Winifred announced Sarah’s entrance into the parlor, a dully lit room filled with lounge chairs and small round tables. White lace draped from wall to wall over the same bare white walls. Six perfectly postured figures were poised throughout the room as well.

"Celeste," Winifred placed her hand on the arm of the woman closest to her. "Sasha here is just so quaint. It’s practically adorable."

"I’m sorry," Sarah took a step forward, straining to hear the woman’s words. "And it’s Sarah, not Sasha. Did you say.. quaint?"

"Positively humbled," the other woman, obviously Celeste, raised her eyes up and down Sarah’s appearance quickly. Sarah held her breath in and smiled politely, waiting for clearance, so to speak. She must’ve passed inspection, for the woman continued.

"Conversing with the help," Celeste chuckled before taking puff from a cigarette.

"I’m sorry," Sarah replied again with confusion. "The help?"

"That boy, whatever his name is." Winifred explained with a flick of her wrist. "I invested in his services for the evening. You’re so sweet to remember the hired help."

"Oh, well I-" Sarah cut herself off, frowning at the harsh sound ‘hired help’ sounded from her mouth. She couldn’t wait for these women’s reaction toward her line of work.

Probably ranks right down there with prostitute, she thought bitterly, forcing a tight smile.

"So, Sarah." Celeste perched carefully on her elbow and cocked her head with interest. "Tell me.. what exactly do you do?"

"Excuse me one moment." Sarah said abruptly, gathering her skirt in her hands and quickly exiting the foyer with tears in her eyes. At the upbringing of her ‘career’, her fake coughing fit had been more then sufficient to get herself out of there; the women were quick to voice fake concern and ushered her in the direction of the dining room to get a drink.

"This night couldn’t be moving any slower.." She mumbled to herself as she found her way to the dining room, another room lit dully but this one by an overhead crystal chandelier. Sarah wasn’t even going to guess how many of her paychecks would buy her one just like it, and she sighed as she approached a long table covered with spotlessly white tablecloths and punch bowls containing brightly colored liquids. Not recognizing any of them, she opted for the one closest to her on the corner of the table.

"That bad already?" A voice chuckled behind her. Sarah whirled around to see Gilbert’s smile again. She feebly returned it.

"That’s an understatement."

"Can I get you anything?" He gestured to the punch. Sarah nodded.

"Of course. Extra vodka in my drink, please."

"Now we wouldn’t want that." Gilbert laughed and poured her a small silver cup of a dark red liquid with a ladle and handed it in her direction. "Think of what the old vultures would be saying about you then."

"I’m afraid of what they’re saying now." She whispered to herself, reaching up distractedly and scratching her right ear. Unfortunately, the movement knocked my earring right out of her lobe – and right into her cup of punch, splashing drops of dark red liquid onto the white sleeve of Gilbert’s shirt.

"Please tell me that didn’t happen." Sarah closed her eyes in horror.

"Maybe I should get you some straight Vodka." Gilbert laughed good-naturely and placed the cup in her palm. "Just pretend you’re going to the bathroom and get it out then. I won’t say a word."

"Bless you," Sarah threw him a grateful look and followed the direction he pointed toward. After closing the bathroom behind her, she collapsed against the countertop and wept silently. Hot tears splashed against the tiny mosaic tiles that lined the sink as she attempted to regain herself. She remained silent, her cheeks stained, as she carefully emptied her drink down the drain and caught my earring as it dangled near the edge of the cup.

Where on earth are you when I need you, Ike? She silently prayed for a miracle at this point.

"Maggie, are you absolutely sure about this?" Taylor asked me skeptically.

"Of course." I sneered at him. "As long as we can improve, it'll work. Zac won't know what hit him."

"All right.. but for the record I don't believe you."

"How can it not work?" I asked. "It's sheer brilliance."

"That's what I'm afraid of." He confessed.

"Very funny." I rolled my eyes. "Now go get your brother so we can get this thing started."

"Yes sir, General-Ma'am." Taylor arched his back and thrust his right palm to his forehead in a salute. I groaned and waved my hand, signaling for him to get his bony ass moving.

"Dismissed." I muttered, sighing as he retreated upstairs. Glancing around the living room, I had to admit I was impressed.

I've outdone myself, I thought devilishly, running my hands over the mantle. There's no way Zac's going to suspect anything.

"Zac, downstairs, now!" I heard Taylor bellow loudly behind me. Jumping at the sound, I turned around and saw him standing at the base of the stairs.

"You could've gone up there to get him." I informed him with a sigh.

"Yes, but that would've required effort."

"Heaven forbid. Just for that, I'll be sending you my Miracle Ear bills."

"Check's in the mail, Babe." Was all he replied. Fortunately Zac's feet thumped loudly, and rather slowly I noticed, down the stairs, interrupting our silliness.

"This better be important." Zac announced in a voice dripping with annoyance. "I'm kinda in the middle of something."

"It is." I called from my place in the living room. "Very important. Get in here."

"So important that you couldn't let me finish washing my hair?" My eyes widened when I took in the sight of him clothed in a terrycloth bathrobe, mountains of suds in his hair.

"Taylor and I need your help, right Sweetie?" Forgetting his cue, I looked pointedly at Taylor.

"Oh yeah!" He nodded quickly at Zac, ushering him into the living room and sitting him down on the couch.

"Help with what?"

"Well, we uhh.. Why don't you tell him, Maggie?" I groaned inwardly at how lame this was quickly turning. I had to think quickly.

"Yeah.." I smiled widely at Zac. "Taylor and I need your help - your honest, valuable opinion - on something."

"Your flattery is noted." He replied sourly, glancing warily at the both of us. "With what?"

"Poses." I blurted out the first idea that came to mind.

"Excuse me?" Zac frowned, sending a trail of soap across his forehead. I nodded encouragingly at Taylor.

"That's right!" Taylor jumped onto the sofa next to his brother, wiping the soap away with the towel around Zac's neck. He also smoothed his hair back into a somewhat more respectable style, suds aside, and guided Zac's face more in my direction.

"You see- Taylor and I are getting.. uhh, pictures taken!" I immediately joined Zac's other side, keeping my face directed at the mantle while talking to him.

"You dragged me out of the shower, all the way downstairs, for poses?" I couldn't blame his confusion. "And why are you talking to the mantle?"

"Talking to the mantle," Taylor chuckled, smoothing the top of Zac's hair down with his palms.

"Yeah," I answered Zac's first bewildered question. "I need to see one of those killer, former teenage popstar smiles that could make any lucky girl melt on the spot."

"Ok, now you're just scaring me." Zac stared at me, before slapping Taylor's hands away from his head. "And stop touching me! You've got your own girlfriend."

"And one lucky girl out there could be yours." I smiled at the mantle. "You're sincere, shy, well-mannered-"

"And going back to the shower now," Zac interrupted me abruptly, rising to his feet. "If either one of you tries to follow me, I'm screaming like a girl and snapping you with a towel."

"And quite the sense of humor he has too," Taylor spoke calmly to the mantle.

"When you stop smoking whatever crack you picked out of a garbage can somewhere," Zac called over his shoulder. "We can have an intelligent conversation."

"Bye Zac," I waved to him, wincing at the loud slam of the bathroom door upstairs.

"That was horrible." Taylor erupted into hearty laughter, wiping Zac's shampoo off his hands. "I hope you're taking theatre credit/no-credit."

"You weren't much better." I scolded him, rising off the couch and heading over to the mantle. "I thought you'd said you could improv."

"Hey, I'm just going along with your pure brilliance."

"It is brilliant." Taylor watched as I reached behind the Hanson's family portrait and pulled out the video camera we'd hidden there. "Zac will get hundreds of responses."

"Is that before or after you make him look desperate?"

"Video dating services are not acts of desperation." I informed Taylor indignantly, pushing the stop button on the camera.

"Speaking from personal experience there, Maggie?" He rose off the couch and joined me, groaning at the replay of the video.

"No, but I should've gone with a video dating service." I grinned up at Taylor. "Instead of the loser I have now."

"You'll eat those words when you see what kind of psychos find this loser wiping shampoo off my brother's head attractive."

"I thought it was kind of cute." I giggled as the tape clicked to an end. "Very maternalistic, Taylor. You could've worn your black leather pants and verified you're gay."

"First I'm a loser.. now I'm gay?" He asked incredulously. "Did I wrong you in another life to get his form of abuse?"

"Not that I know of." I assured him with an amused smile.

"So what now?" He pointed to the camera.

"We send it in, then sit back and wait for the response tape to be sent back."

"Heaven help my brother," Taylor shook his head. "I can't believe we're doing it."

"He'll thank us when he gets the responses."

"Sure.. Thank, strangle while we're sleeping, same thing."

"Honey?" Isaac rapped his knuckles softly on the bathroom door. Even though his voice was muffled by the door, it was just the blessing Sarah had been waiting the last twenty minutes for. She unlocked the door but didn’t open it. Hearing the click of the lock, Isaac opened it slowly and dropped his jaw at the disheveled appearance of his wife. Dark streams of mascara lined her cheeks and her mouth was raw and dry from her chewing on it, a nervous habit. Her blue eyes dully looked at up him, blood-shot and swollen.

"Sarah, what happened?" He quickly reached out to touch her shoulder. She jerked it away quickly and glared at him.

"Where have you been?" She whispered hoarsely.

"Scott and I got held up in a meeting, that’s all." He explained calmly.

"Well, while you and Scott were sitting around in a meeting, I was making a complete fool of myself." Sarah whispered again, feeling a set of fresh tears coming.

"So I heard." Ike made the mistake of cracking a smile. Seeing the immediate darkening of his wife's mood, he quickly added,

"Gilbert filled me in the details."

"He did?" Her mouth dropped. Sarah moaned and hid her face in her hands. "At least I know I can never face him again."

"I'm sure Gilbert's seen worse, Honey." Ike laughed lightly. "He's still in high school."

"You think this is funny?" She raised her eyes coldly to his, immediately halting his good-natured laughter.

".. Not if you don't."

"I certainly don't!" Sarah's voice rose. "I have done nothing but try my best tonight and everything fell apart."

"See, that's your problem. You're trying too hard." Ike reached out and stroked her arm softly. Despite his affection, Sarah wasn't apt to forgive him yet, nor did she appreciate the lecture.

"Do not tell me what or what not to do, Isaac Hanson!" She jerked her arm back again, clenching her fingers into a fist.

"Woah," He held up his hands in defense and lowered his voice. "I didn't know you were this upset."

"Isn't it obvious?" Sarah said coldly and sarcastically, pointing to her tear-stained face with frustration. Isaac simply smiled, cupped her chin in his hands, and kissed her cheek softly. With his thumb, he rubbed off a patch of smeared makeup.

"Sarah, you'll always be beautiful to me." She stared up him silently for a few seconds, intently searching his eyes. Now there were no signs of humor: he looked at her with soft chestnut pools of concern and affection so deep that it felt like he was looking through her. She relaxed her face into a smile and nestled her cheek into his palm, kissing the tips of his fingers gently.

".. Now I know why I married you." Sarah finally broke the silence as she widened her shy smile into a grin.

"That's my girl." Ike relaxed himself, grabbing a Kleenex off the box on the counter and dabbing her cheek. "What do you say we spend the evening together someplace other than the bathroom?"

"Give me ten more minutes?" She glanced at him coyly.

"Ten?" He frowned, turning toward the door. "I guess if you need that long, I'll see you in ten."

"I wish it could be longer, but after all, we are company." Sarah reached around Ike's waist and locked the door. He turned around and stared at her.

"Sarah, what-" He started when she silenced him by placing her index finger over his lips. She slid her other hand down the front of his chest and around his waist, pulling him closer.

"Shh.." Sarah silenced him. "You're cutting into our ten minutes."

"You can't be serious- you mean, you want to-here!?" While he recognized the the knowing look in her eyes and felt the same longing at the moment, Ike felt a little hesitant. As her fingers flew to his tie, loosing it from his neck, she nodded. Wrapping his arms around her tightly, it was his turn to break into a smile.

"Now I know why I married you."