Sometimes in life we have to let go...love from a distance. It is that way for me. God has a plan for my life that does not include the man I love. I couldn't be with him even if I wanted to because he is not one of God's children. He has done horrible things and he's become a dangerous man. I fell in love with the side of him that was loving, fun, friendly and sensual. I thankfully never saw the dark side. It is only now that I am finding out just how dark he really is. It saddens me because he will always linger in my heart. No matter where life takes me, I will always be haunted by this love that can never be. I wake every day, I can still sense him. My mind brings up tender memories. It is especially difficult on occasion when I have to see him around. I still get that rush. I miss that man I fell in love with. But, I know that man is gone. Satan has him now. I am helpless to do anything to take him from the devil's grasp other than to pray. And I do pray. Not just for my own selfish wants...I really do pray for this man's soul. It is difficult for me to understand how someone so awful and ugly could be so wonderful and so beautiful all at the same time. Perhaps this is how Satan will appear when he's freed to roam the earth towards the end. An irresistable charm in some ways. Only those strong in Christ will ever survive the call from the darkness. His allure will be powerful I am certain. From the inside out he will be calling to us. We must reach for God, for the security of His loving arms. He will always be there to protect His lambs. He has protected me at all times. Even in sin. He could do the same for this man. But this man is blinded by the darkness inside. He is at Satan's bidding. I have a dream that someday, I will touch his life and be able to help him find God. I pray that it will be soon. I would love nothing more than to be with him again in heaven. I don't want to see the side I loved end up in hell for all eternity. To be able to periodically hear his tortured cries from the darkness. I long to bring him with me. I can not love him here. But, I can love him in heaven. Not romantically...but as a family member. I would settle for that if it meant being able to be with him for all eternity.