May 30, 2005

It is Memorial Day. While others are remembering deceased loved ones & war veterans, I am cursed with the memory of someone who is very much alive. In the life of every Christian whether they are new or not, trials will come. Tribulation will lurk around every corner. Thankfully, Christ is there to walk with us all the way. Through every thing, good & bad. I've decided to start this diary in hopes that perhaps people can read through my experiences to see how God works, who He is & how spiritual growth works. Wish me luck! *Slight chuckle* I also wanted to start today in hopes of somehow soothing the wound of the event I am about to discuss here. Please keep in mind that even though this is a Christian website, not everything is for little eyes. This week's trial was sent in the form of a customer service representative. Over my 39 yrs. I have met many feisty men with whom I have had to learn to deal with. Normally, this is not a problem on any given day. I am accustomed to doing verbal exchange with men who are evil minded. However, on this particular day, the unexpected happened. Something of a more physical & dangerous nature. The man did his job & then sat down on my sofa, in my house & exposed himself to me during normal conversation. Now keep in mind that Satan knows all of our weaknesses. In addition, he will deliberately pick on those weaknesses like a school bully. My greatest weakness is with sexual matters of any nature. Therefore, that is what Satan has been preying on in my life. Hence the exposure. Knowing this would be a temptation for me. Regardless of the fact that as a Christian I would find it repulsive. Our bible study teacher explained to us that even though we are born again we still have a sin nature. We want to be obedient to God but, there is still a natural desire for sin. We cannot help it. However, we can always ask God to help us with it. Help us to fight it off. Satan used this man to tempt me. I also realize it was a test that God was giving me. I am certain He was checking to see if I would be faithful to the promise I had made Him. Right after I got saved I promised God I would abstain until I was remarried. I had experienced slightly uncomfortable situations with this man before but, mostly of a verbal nature. I felt safe since he works for a company that also does commercial service. I deliberately created a Christian environment for him to come into once he entered my home. I thought perhaps it would "tame the beast within" so to speak. However, it seemed to only encourage him more. His words became rather vulgar, his demeanor changed & he proceeded to expose himself. I was so shocked that he would do something so horrible plus, I was dealing with my sin nature & that temptation all at once. It felt like an emotional overload. God kept me from short-circuiting though. He kept me in a state of calm so that I could work him out the door & remain physically unharmed. Praise God! It took 4 days for me to decide whether or not to report it. This was due to fear of retaliation. Today I decided I would have to just take that chance. If I could help spare another woman from an even worse encounter with him, it was worth it. Regardless of what may or may not happen to me. I do not enjoy having to report it but, when I think of what could possibly happen to someone else, I have to do what I must. As you can see from this encounter, being a Christian is not all peaches & cream. What makes it all worth it is knowing that God loves us & will never forsake us. Even in the midst of our trials & tribulation. I truly believe that if God had not been with me, the man would have possibly done terrible harm to me. Some folks might wonder why I did not get angry & attempt to throw him out. Put yourself in my shoes...a single 39 y.o. woman with no means of protection against an aroused male with a possible temper. What would you do if you were in that predicament? Am I angry with him? No. I am however, angry about the act itself & what it did to me. It made me feel violated & I felt as though he had no respect for me at all. Alternatively, for God since he did it despite the Christian environment. Afterwards, I felt bad because I had not used the opportunity outside to give him a gospel track to perhaps help him. My fear had overwhelmed me to the point that I forgot all about trying to help him. Now I will likely never know. I certainly will not be making any attempt to locate him for that purpose. Although, getting my bible study teacher to would be cool. *Grin* I had to talk to my supervisor today about what happened because this man also comes into our facility to work. I was concerned about how he might behave if he didn't get reprimanded & was angry for being reported. I also explained to her that he had made physical contact with 2 other employees in our department. My supervisor called the company to report it. Plus, I've reported it. I imagine he will be one very angry individual by week's end. However, he should have thought about that before doing what he did. What was really interesting was the fact that at work today, we had our weekly pep rally. I listened as it was explained about the story of Dumbo the elephant being able to fly without his magic feather. We were each given a feather & the song "I believe I can fly" was played for us. We were told in a couple days when the poster at work is put up & when we feel we can fly, we're to put the feather on the poster & sign it. After all this...I'm ready to put my feather up NOW! *Big Smile* Well, that's it for this week's diary entry. I believe we can all fly right here on earth with the natural gifts God has given us. Go out this week & fly!