I don’t know if this has been happening to anyone else, but I’ve been receiving emails from professional wrestlers.

    At least, I thought I was. Perhaps, somehow, a copy of my column had wended its way down to WCW headquarters and Ric Flair, whom most of you will remember is my sports hero and the source of that nasty case of pinkeye I had last year, was touched by its sentiments and decided to write me.

    "Hello, Ms. Shable," the first one read. "I know that you were watching me this evening, and I wanted to write you to thank you for your continued support for me and WCW. Keep up the good work. Love, Ric."

    The address said [email protected]. I was shocked and amazed.

    The next one, from Hulk Hogan, was just as complimentary. "We really appriciate you supporting us tonight, be sure to watch next Monday as your boyfriend, Ric, puts the smackdown on Sting, Luger, and DDP just for you babe. Love, Hulk."

    Now, to have the respect of your peers and instructors is one thing, but on a deeper level, it’s sort of like French-kissing your best friend’s grandma. To have the respect of the Hulkster is something entirely different. It’s on par, I’ve had some scholars tell me (because you know scholars are just calling me up all the time to chat) that it is on par with receiving the Pulitzer Prize or becoming a semi-finalist in the Publisher’s Clearinghouse sweepstakes.

    So, you can imagine my dismay and sadness when I discovered the emails were not being sent by high powered big wheels in the pro wrestling business at all, but my best friend Kelly and a cohort, both of whom know much about the inner workings of computers (they’ve watched "Tron" at least a hundred times), who had figured out a way to send anonymous emails from a computer.

    After beating Kelly down and finding a new best friend, one who wouldn’t deceive me with false missives from sports icons, and preferably one with a really nice car, I began to ponder the potential uses for this evil, but really, really fun, email system.

    Of course, it would be perfect for sending anonymous emails to mortal enemies, telling them, in effect that they smell like an elephant’s butt. But one could do oh so much more.

    I, for example, would probably start with something like this:

    To: Joe Mackall, advisor, Collegian
 
    From: [email protected]

    Subject: Giving that Shable girl a big box of money

    It has come to my attention that that very funny columnist, Kim Shable, is not being paid for her efforts on the paper. Of course, I realize this is a student run paper, and none of the reporters are being paid, but dang it, that Shable is just so very funny, as I have previously mentioned, that I highly recommend giving her a big box of money. Love, Dr. Benz.

    PS: You might look into getting her a makeover or something, too. She looks like a middle aged man with a glandular problem.

    And just think where I could go from there.

    To: All the boys Kim Shable ever liked

    From: Someone definitely other than Kim Shable

    Subject: Why you should date Kim Shable

    You may or may not have known this, but Kim Shable was recently given a big box of money by the president of this university. In view of this fact, it would be in your best interest to call her up and ask her out, as she will spend lavishly on you, and plus she got a makeover and now looks like Yasmine Bleeth. Really.

    Yes, this system could definitely work out for my benefit.

    And if nothing else, I could use it to tell Mark Harmon that he smells like an elephant’s butt.