This column is not about Ric Flair.

Having said that, I can continue. I was sitting in Convo last Friday, minding my own business, discussing with my friends the affairs of the Home for Wounded Orphans With Big Sad Eyes, which I run with money from my vastly popular non-profit organization (perhaps you've heard of it? I call it Rosie O'Donnell), when who should happen upon me but editor and superstud Brad Ruebensaal.

"Kim, you're so smart and beautiful," he said. "Could you please help me think of a question for Student Speak-Out?"

Of course, seeing as how I am unable to think under pressure, my brain exploded, causing me to have to undergo a highly controversial brain transplant surgery at the Health Center (surprisingly, the doctor and nurses in attendance refrained from asking me when the last time I had oral sex was. It was truly a solemn occasion.)

But obviously, I survived, and Brad got his question from my friend Denise, whose brain is clearly less prone to exploding.

Even better, I came up with what I consider to be the definitive list of Speak-Out questions. Eat your heart out, Ruebensaal:

1. Hypothetical situation: you, me, a desert island, a case of Twinkies, and a TV playing Tae-Bo. Do you choose Twinkies, Tae-bo, or Tae-bo-ing me so you can have all the Twinkies?

2. In a fight to the death between Gretchen and Tuffy the Eagle, who will win?

3. Hi! My name is... what? My name is... what? My name is... what?

4. Have you ever, like, woken up in the middle of the night, screaming "no, no, Horace!" and then felt the urge to go running around in your underwear with a carrot between your teeth, knocking on everyone's door and grabbing their noses and saying "Have you seen my friend, Mariah?" Not that I have or anything.

5. Is it just me, or did TV give you the impression that once we got to college, our rooms would be a lot bigger, like, say, the size of Rhode Island, and all the people would be relatively hot? Curse "A Different World" and "Felicity!"

6. Did you ever know that you're my hero? You're everything I would like to be. Just wanted you to know.

7. Who do I look more like, Slim Goodbody or Screech from "Saved By the Bell?"

8. Do you always have to talk real-time to a colleague? Did you know you can respond to a voice message without even leaving your box? (This Speak-Out question donated by the good people at Bulletin Broadcast Review.)

9. So I'm walking down the street, and Hugh Grant stops me, okay, and he says, "you know, you're more beautiful than a thousand sunsets." And he gives me a hundred dollar bill and drives off. Does this ever happen to you? Because believe me, it gets really annoying after awhile.

10. Did you ever used to watch Cartoon Express? Yeah? Do you remember The Blue Falcon? With that automated dog or whatever? That was cool.

Well, it was the best I could do. And if any of you are feeling inspired, or think you know the answers, feel free to contact me. After all, if I can get you to write next week's column for me, so much the better. Think of it this way: if so, you'll put off one more column about Ric Flair. For now.