startOfFE

   Well pretty soon it'll be that time of year when ducks fill the air with squadrons flying north by day and with raucous quacking in ponds by night. If you listen closely to it on a still night, the sound is not unlike laughter. Oftentimes, I've sat awake in bed at night and wondered just what the heck is so dang funny anyway.
    In the entertainment industry, comedians live and die by their material and I suspect that in the wild it may be even harder to get a gig so it is understandable that they would be hesitant to allow anyone to get close enough to overhear. Indeed, it seems the mere presence of a silhouette on the horizon is enough to cause the entire flock to take flight.
    Luckily for me, I still remember much of my military training. Using the cover of darkness to conceal me visually and the rustling of dead grass in the breeze to hide me audibly. I was able to nearly make it to water's edge one night. Unfortunately I forgot to bring along a recorder or pen and paper. But I was able to remember enough of it to give you an idea of the consolation that you would get on the long , arduous journey, were you a duck.

    A duck walks into a bar and says "Gimme a drink and put it on my bill."

    These 3 ducks walked into a building. You'd think they would have noticed it!

    What do ducks put in their chicken soup? Animal quackers.

    Why did the duck cross the road? To prove he wasn't a "chicken."

    Who is the ducks' chioce for president? Mallard Fillmore.

    A duck was walking down the road when he met a man carrying a long staff. He asked the man "Are you a pole vaulter?" The man said "No, I'm a Svede, and how did you know my name vas Valter?"

    A Rabbi, a Priest and a duck were playing golf. The Rabbi tees off. The shot goes right in the water. The Rabbi throws down his clubs, shakes his fist in rage at the sky and yells "WHY." All of a sudden, out of the clear blue sky, a lightning bolt strikes him dead. The Priest tees off. It also lands in the water. Without saying a word, the Priest goes over to a tree and starts bashing his head against the trunk. Pretty soon, a dead branch breaks off and crushes him. The duck looks over to the pond and says "You guys get those balls?"

Dear Write on
    I had recently heard of budget cuts at the World Service of the BBC, so I thought you would appreciate it if I wrote in and gave you my 2 cents worth. Hopefully, more listeners will follow my lead and help to resolve the funding problem.
    It may be difficult to believe that a radio presenter sitting in a tiny, windowless room could compete in a world where Cable TV brings such offerings as "The Ketchup Channel" and "Woodworking with Bigfoot." Rest assured that there are still millions of people who do not keep their most comfy chair near the TV.
    Clearly, the trend is toward serving the younger generation through Cable TV. This can already be seen on news channels, where broadcasters repeat shows every half hour until they believe the audience understands what was said. However, I believe this demographic sector is rapidly losing signifigance through attrition from the excesses of their own self-indulgences.
    I listen to the BBC several hours every day. My favorite shows are where those present are able to answer any question and show tremendous perspicacity. I refer to such shows as "The Litmus Test", "Brain of Britian" and, of course, "Write on."
    Please consider the consequences of any major cutbacks in programming. Who will inform those of us who had a flat tire on the Information Superhighway? Will you allow the quality of entertainment to be limited to that found when people sat around in chafing bearskins to watch Kirok goad the Giant Ground Sloth? Who will listeners complain to when the only broadcasts their shortwave radios will receive are for people who suspect they have microchips surgically implanted in their buttocks?
    I heard that many people were having trouble receiving the BBC because of interference from VOA transmitters. My solution is an obvious one and will obviate any future reception problems. It involves a hacksaw and a person skilled in surreptitious subterfuge journeying to the VOA transmitter towers. This solution will inspire even those listeners with no interference problems to jump up and shout "Jolly Good Show."
    It is my opinion that nary a transmitted BBC watt goes unabsorbed by aerials or unappreciated by listeners on shortwave receivers. But far be it for me to advise your government on how to assign funds. This is something that probably never crossed the minds of the colonists back in 1776 when they were weighing the pros and cons of independence.
    In closing I can only say that the Sun still hasn't set on the British Empire, and I hope it will keep shining on the BBC also.