I know exactly what I want, and I'll do anthing to fet it also. But there are times I don't feel like fighting for anything. That's not because of laziness. It's because I have nothing to give. I am emotionally drained. I am not always happy and full of cheer. I am a person who cries hides her emotions. I cry to myself when no one is around or when I think no one is watching.
I am not a mental case; people start to act weird around me when i say that. I have bipolar disorder it's alos known as manic depression. I also have ADHD. On one single day I can be taking anywhere from three to eight pills a day to get me through the stress of daily life to keep me from breaking.
I am a friend, a daughter, and a sister. I am a role model. People look up to me, people like my friends and family. Like most people I have stumbled and fallen. I have done things I am not proud of and though I wish they wouldn't durring those times people look up to me as an example. I have to learn from my mistakes and maybe people will learn from me not to make thos same mistakes and not make them.
I am not a pot head or any other name people like to use to describe people who have done or are doing the things i have once done. Do not label me that is not what I am. Although I am not what society views as acceptable, that does not make me a bad person. I am an adict. I am not a bad person. I think the fact that I can admit that I am, and I can get help for it, makes me a better person. The are so many people who never do get help. I spent three weeks this summer at a rehab facility getting help. I see a therapist once a week to get me through my recovery.
I am a confidant, a listener, and a consoler. People trust me; they see me, as a good person. I think I would like to think that I am too. People talk to me. I do not judge them; I have no right to do so. It isn't my place.
I am an artist. I write songs and poetry, I play the violin and piano. All those things define me expressivly. There are alot of people who write in a journal or diary, and there is nothing wrong with that at all. But I choose to write in verse. Although I don't want to always admit it I'm alive , and I live everyday as if it were my last. I've seen too many things happen to other people who in the end, wish they had the chance to go back and fix that one mistake. I want to be remembered as a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, and maybe someday a good mother. I hope people who never knew in life will see that in my writing when I'm gone.
I don't know whats in store for me in the future. But I do know what I'm going to do right this moment, this month, and even this year. I will stumble, and I will fail once more. Then I will pick myself up, brush myself off, and I will learn from those failures and mistakes. I might offend someone, and people will disaprove of my actions, but that will be apart of me and who I am.
So who am I? I am a friend, and a family member. I am not a label. I have had my heart broken and then broken again. I am a writier, a musician, and a student. I love, I laugh, I yell, I scream and sometime from now I will die. What am I? I am human. Don't look at me and make a decision through my past actions. See what I'm doing now. See who I am at this moment. Not a bad person. Just see me.