Strummin' My Pain With His Fingers, Singing My Life With His Words
Wow, two in one day. I don't think this has ever happened.
I just don't know what to think anymore? Am I really that bad of a person that people don't even want to stay friends with me? It seems like my friends are just dropping off the face of the Earth one by one. I just don't know what to do anymore. Hate myself? Hate everyone else? For what? Hate myself for being who I am? Hate everyone else for not being able to put up with that?
I just push everyone away. I just can't put up with anyone anymore! There's something seriously wrong with me. I've barely even thought about camp lately, that's wierd, I miss it there so so so very much!
I just don't know what to do. I stick by people and I stick by them through everything and what do I get? NOTHING! Every time, I keep getting the short end of the fucking stick. When am I ever gonna get a break?!
This is all about Brendan, by the way. I'm sure you're lost, if there's anyone who even reads this. It's always been a struggle with him. I don't care what he's said, I've always been competing with Lindsay concerning him. I stuck by him, I put up with some of the shit he's said that really hurt, I worried about him when he was doing shit, I worried about him when he was feeling down&when his life wasn't going so good, I worried about him when his boss was working him so much(illegally by the way). I smoked up with him, I felt sorry for him through all of his breakups, I've given him advice, I've bought him presents(this matters the absolute least, it's just money), I've joked with him about sex, I almost slept with him for Christ's sake.
And what do I get? I get snubbed out for Lindsay. He keeps in contact with her, while I sit here in the cold, not knowing anything. And I'm the one prepared to spend a shitload of money to bus his ass up here to see me because I wanted to see him so bad. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?! Lindsay put him through so much shit and I gave him my everything! AND SHE'S THE ONE WHO GETS THE ATTENTION?!
Honestly, what the fuck does she have that I don't?! Can someone please fucking explain this to me for once! FUCK!!!! I wish the bitch would just die or move or something, get her the fuck away from me! Brendan and his "she put me through so much shit, Krys was really nice, but Lindsay gets the attention, of course." Kyle and his "If I had to actually finally chose between Lindsay and Krys, I'd pick Lindsay even though she abuses my friends and my girlfriend and treats them like shit and rubs their faces in the dirt." Nicki and her "Lindsay treats me like crap and tries to dictate my life while Krys only cares that I'm happy but I'll make sure I stay friends with Lindsay." What the flying fuck is wrong with this god damn world?!
WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!
Honestly, can someone please explain this to me! I just don't get it, at all!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK! I might as well get use to being alone now because eventually everyone's gonna abandon me. I'm obviously too horrible of a person to like for a long period of time! People just can't stand to be around me now. I just don't get any of this. AHHHH!!!!
