You know, it's not just history that repeats itself. It's fucking everything! I wish I could just make a friqin' decision and stick to it. But no, I have to rethink everything 5 billion times over and change my damn mind constantly.
I want someone to understand me. What I'm basically saying is I want a boyfriend who's gonna fuckin' understand me, who'll get all the shit I put myself through. But ha, like I'm ever gonna find someone like that around here, if ever on the face of this earth.
I said I wasn't gonna date Ron because he just doesn't get it. That kid is so damn innocent and naive it's not even funny! But after that Jackie thing, who friqin' knows. Of course everyone hasn't had the opportunity to become a completely pervert(cadet camp did that to me, what a wonderful place). I just honestly don't think Ron has the thought depth to comprehend my problems, he really doesn't. He's just a happy go lucky kid with barely any problems in his life. I don't understand why he likes me, he deserves one of those nice innocent Christian girls who won't end up screwing him up. I have to admit, I've had some fun with him. He's got a good sense of humour and he's fun to joke around with. I think I'd really rather have him as a friend, someone to hang out with when I'm actually happy!
I really don't think the connection that I feel to Ron is me liking him or anything, he's just cool and I like emailing back and forth with him. I just want a boyfriend. But that's not all, he has to understand me and my fucked up mind(maybe there actually is a crayon stuck up there, who knows).
And of course who comes to mind when I say I want a boyfriend? Mike! Of course! As if I haven't done enough to that poor boy. I have put him through so much shit I'd be surprised if the next time he say me he didn't ream me out. He has every right to. It'd upset the hell out of me though. I like Mike, I always have, we've just rushed into everything we've ever done together. When we first went out, I barely even knew his name when he asked me out. And then the second time, a few emails and we were going out. My God, there is just so much wrong with that.
I just don't know anymore, maybe I'm doomed to be single forever, it'd figure for me.
But the really issue in my life: TRISHA! My God, I'm so mad at her I feel like beating her face in with an old shoe! She makes me so incredibly mad! She's so immature. And not my type of immature(laughing at penis jokes, buying crayons&coloring books, etc). She just doesn't get life, at all. She's graduating a semester early, not even taking her graduating a semester early seriously(skipping class, not doing her work, taking all the easy classes), so she can go live with her boyfriend. First of all, she obviously doesn't understand how much rent will be and utilities and buying everything for moving out(dishes, pillows, towels, etc). Second, she doesn't understand how much money Aldin is going to be making. He'll be apprenticing to become a welder, he won't be making shit all! Third, she expects to be engaged and married ASAP which is WAY too much responsibility to put on a 17year old boy. Forth, the only jobs she'll be able to get are crappy ones that won't pay anything. Fifth, can she even get an apartment? Her and Aldin will both be under 18, is that even legal? Who knows, Carlene did it. But she had a job and a whole bunch of money.
I just feel like Trisha's mocking everything I do with the way she's taking life. To her it's just one big joke. I have to work hard for good grades to get into University, I have to make money to be able to buy stuff to move out(I have 2 towels, whoo)and a car and pay for tuition, etc etc etc. I have to take responsibility for everything that I do! She has pregnancies scares and what does she do? Has sex even more. I get caught with a guys hands down my pants and what do I do? Fail my fucking course at camp! I feel like slapping her!
Anyways, it's like 11:48pm and I really need to sleep. But hey, I got my drivers license so I get to sleep through my spare now, yay! And there's a dance tomorrow night, whoo!
