Alright I should be sleeping tomorrow, I have my math midterm tomorrow. But I can't sleep I am so fucking mad right now, you have no idea!!!!!
LINDSAY! My God I hate her with every atom of my being! I swear to God I want to rip her heart out and cram it down her fucking throat! It makes me sick to see her and Brendan all buddy buddy again. He's just heading down the road to destruction, I have to see what she does to her friends every day at school. I usually end up being friends with them once she's tossed them aside and helping them be themselves again!
And now she wants to be buddy buddy with you! I am so mad I feel nauseated! You and Bren are far too good for a manipulative, scheming bitch like her! I hate her! I hate her! I HATE HER!!!!!!!
And what she does to her ex-boyfriend Jon! She cast him aside with some lame excuse just like she did with everyone else. And now she's bitching that he's being a jerk to her and he's doing this and he's doing that just to hurt her. I've talked to Jon, he doesn't even want to think about her right now! She is a selfish ho! Which is what I'm being right now but I honestly don't care!
I'm sorry, I know I have jealousy issues to deal with but this is just too much for me to handle in a day! First the guy I like(Isaac)won't give out his email address because he wants me to phone him even though I hate phones with a passion! I find out Jo is contemplating suicide and she's one of the happiest people I know, and she's talking to Trisha about it, not me(who ditched school to go to her birthday, who's comforted her every time she cries, who use to takes shifts for her when we worked together, who makes sure not to criticize her on her driving even though she does it to me). I had a social test which I forgot to study for. I had to go back to chemistry and explain to Mr. Taylor why I had skipped on Thursday and Friday. I don't have my car, I'm almost broke. And I have my fucking math midterm tomorrow!!!!!
I just can't get over the fact that Brendan is friends with her now. I feel betrayed and left out. It always seems like he's talking to her, he never has time for me. He's always comforting me. I never get any attention, it feels like he doesn't even want to be my friend now. And now she wants to be friends with you?! YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN HER! You deserve way better friends than that. So does Brendan. And I can't say any of this to him because he'll think it's just because I'm being selfish and I'm whining and I'm jealous and I just want to be with him. I want to be me, I want a little fucking recognition around here, I put up with everyone's shit and they get mad at me when I dump on them because I just can't hold all the shit that's dumped on me anymore. Get high grades, do good in cadets(which I had to quit because I couldn't handle being yelled at for everything I was doing wrong when I've never been told to do it right), do good at work, tolerate the stupid people, be a good driver, do your homework, be good at dance when I'm being taught way too fast for comprehension. Don't be fat, be pretty, like the right music, dress the right way, do the right things, say the right thing. I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF THIS LIFE I WISH I WAS DEAD!
Wonderful, now I made myself cry! I'm really sorry meL that you had to be the victim of all this, I really am! This is really very pathetic of me. I'm acting like a whiny 5 year old. I can't apologize enough but I had to do it to someone and you just seemed like the right person. I'm really sorry. I'm going to bed!
Krys
