1:12AM Lindsay tried to kill herself today. I feel horrible! Lindsay tried to be my friend and I deliberately snubbed her just because I was afraid of losing Brendan.
She's in the hospital right now, no one's allowed to see her, not even her mom. We figure it's Lindsay's choice not to see anyone. We also figure she tried to slit her wrists since she's a cutter, but we don't know.
I just wish the world would slow down so we could stop and just figure some shit out.
I've alwasy been scared of Lindsay. She seemed so strong and fierce. Her opinion always mattered to me and she always seemed to have a very low one of me. I distanced myself. But now I've changed and so has she. I just hope that I can help her, in any way at all.
I don't even know if she's OK. We went to emergency in the hospital(front desk said to check there since she wasn't admitted) and asked where she was. The nurse said "wecan't give out that information" and she gave us this look that totally said she was there. Amber, Trisha, and I went.
I'm tired, exhausted, totally drained from today but I'm wide awake and feeling kind of naseous. I jsut wish I never had to turn my music off, just have my own personal soundtrack around me 24/7.
Lindsay left at the end of last break. I had made up my mind in chem that I was gonna be nice and try to be her friend. I saw her in the hall and I was gonna smile and say hi but I didn't, I just walked right past her.
I've read her online journal, she feels alone. That's the worst feeling in the world, being alone, no one deserves that.
I have to go to sleep. I'm actually going to school early tomorrow . . . today, wahtever. I want to see Isaac but I don't know.
