And I'm so sick of thinking about my future. Like, how much crap can they dump on people in one year? Do good in school, garduate, apply to college, apply for scholarships, have a job, have friends, have fun, be a fucking teenager. I should just become Liv Tyler in Empire Records and use speed, that'll get a lot of shit done. Y'know, that's not a bad idea, hmm. Clayton should have some.
I just don't even know what to do with myself. All I wanna do is sit around and do something that totally numbs my brain. Which is usually watch TV but ever since I bought that damn Buffy CD all I want to do is listen to it.
I'm just numb, emotionally void. Usually when I get this way all I want to do is feel but now I'm shying away from it. I want to go hang out with Isaac but I have no idea how that's going to make me feel, I really don't want to feel anything.
Last night I just got so sick of life. I wanted to die, finally rest and forget all my worries. But a thought came along, everyone will think I'm just like Crystal, or I'm just crying for attention. I don't want to die misunderstood.
I'm just sick of everything, tired of my life. Always wasting all my money, no self-control, the constant jealousy, continuous self doubt. And always the hope for something better.
*sigh*I just don't know anymore. Yar!
