I was reading an article in YM about being betrayed and abandoned by your friends. It says you should find a safe way to vent. I can't vent, it's hard even writing this, I don't know what to do about this.
I took a sensitivity quiz, it says I avoid things because I don't know how to deal with them. I don't know how to deal with this. I honestly don't.
All I want to do is sleep but when I close my eyes and try, a million thoughts run through my head. I shouldn't be here, I should be at Thunder cadet.
I'm so mad! I don't know what to do with myself I'm so mad. I don't feel anything, I'm emotionless but I know I'm mad!
Why is everyone two-faced? Is it honestly that hard to just be one person?
I want to yell, I want to scream, I want to feel something. I want to vent and rant but I actually want to do it to a person. I always rant on paper or on the computer.
I'm so mad and I just don't want to deal with it at all. I'd rather just forgive them and not deal with this but I can't because I'm so mad.
Who am I mad at? Kyle! He let Lindsay know the one thing I'd rather die over than let her know. He left me at Trisha's and then had the audacity to yell at me when he finally came back. He brought Lindsay on the date, he's a two-faced son of a bitch who needs to pull his head out of his ass and stop letting people control him. Have a little fucking willpower for Christ's sake, if people don't like you it's not the end of the world. He apologized over and over for letting Lindsay find out, he kept saying "I didn't know", using it as an excuse. I don't think he ever admitted it was his fault. I honestly think it was his fault. His, Nicki's, and Lindsay's. Lindsay wasn't invited in the first place, she wasn't suppose to be there but Kyle had to be a smart ass and bring her. "She bribed me with gas money and pleaded and plus she's still my friend!"
A-she fucking owes you gas money, you drive her home almost every fucking day.
B-pleaded my ass, ever heard of a little word called 'no'? Trisha didn't want her there, I didn't want her there, Kyle knew this but he's not smart enough to fucking use logic!
C-who gives a flying fuck, the whole date wasn't about you, it was entirely about Trisha and Aldin. Trisha planned the date, Trisha didn't invited Lindsay, Trisha really didn't want Lindsay there, therefore Lindsay wasn't suppose to be there. The second she walked into Dairy Queen, I knew the whole night was ruined.
Then Lindsay and Nicki were being little snots and refused to get into the car so Kyle had to make two trips. Then Kyle leaves me at Trisha's when I went to go get my stuff from her room. I felt bad because I was cutting in on Trisha and Aldin's sex time. And when he finally came back, he started yelling at me because I was mad at him. It would've been perfectly fine, I wouldn't've said a single damn thing but Kyle just had to open his big fucking mouth.
Then Nicki had to be a bitch! "Shut the fuck up!" I hope, I really fucking hope she meant it because I do not forget shit like that, even when I try I always remember. She should just shut the fuck up, little whiny bitch. Live life, that's what it's fucking here for. She totally takes Kyle for granted, she should just be happy that anyone actually wants to date her. Ugh, fuck people make me so mad.
Then Lindsay had to open her trap and she actually expected me to be decent to her after she ruined the entire night. And she called me 'Cooke'! You're not in cadets anymore you quitter, I have a name! And then she calls me selfish. Why don't you just stop your 'holier than thou' attitude and climb down off your high horse, bitch. You're not better than anyone Lindsay, people are better than you. People change, you do too but you won't accept that, no one's good enough for Ms. Lindsay Farmer. Maybe if you weren't so God damn judgmental, people might like you, accept you, trust you, and be able to act like themselves around you. Go fuck yoruself. Oh wait, her and Jon do that all the time. At least I have the sense not to waste my virginity on a typical teenage relationship that won't last past high school!
Fuck, I should've walked home! Well, at least Trisha had fun. I mean, that's what the whole date was for. Aldin seems very nice and I think he's a great match for Trisha. He's good looking and funny. A sense of humour is waht really matters. Jo and Stu had fun too, so it wasn't a complete disaster for everyone.
