Sometimes I think I'm really smart, that I've got it made in the brains department. But sometimes I have to face the truth, I'm stupid! I'm dumb as a fucking stick! I don't get math at all. I break down crying just because I can't do it. But I'm too proud to go into applied, no that's the stupid math class(no offense Spicki). In Alberta you only need Math20P, Math20A, or Math24 to get a diploma. I'm taking Math20P, I've taken Math10P, and I'm going to take Math30P and Math31(calculus).
Why? Because I need all the advantages I can get! Give the university people something to look at! Face it, my grades are mediocre, they're totally average. I don't have a hope of getting accepted! What then? I'll end up working at McDonalds my whole life or end up in construction of welding. I don't want that to be the story of my life!
But I don't think I can do any better, that's the scary part. Everyone I hang out with is so much smarter than me, I feel so stupid!
I'm sick of being the one no one takes seriously. I'm just the girl everyone goes to for a laugh. Maybe if I stand on the top of the school, screaming, "FUCK THE WORLD!", with a pistol to my head, maybe then someone will take me seriously. But I doubt it!
And honestly, I don't know what to do about my friends. I hear about their family problems and I don't have a clue what to say! Pity and sympathy is considered too demeaning by them. Silence annoys them and going all social worker/psychologist-like on them pisses them off. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY! I don't nkow what to do. So I try to make jokes. Maybe that's why no one takes me seriously.
I hate it when people blame other people for their decisions. Kyle drove Trisha home at lunch today 'cause she was sick. He got in shit from his parents and they're allegedly taking his car away. On the way back to the school, Kyle's like "Ugh, stupid Trisha." Hello, you didn't have to drive her home, ya ass!
I need to get my license! Very badly, in fact.
