"Ooh! I have to tell you about my boobs!" - Jesse

"Don't get me wrong, I love the guy, but he's still a cocksucker." - Pookey, in reference to Brett Hull

"The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right next to someone knowing you can't have them."

"I beat the system once, I can do it again." - Jeff Gilbert

"If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college." - Lewis Black

"Just remember boys, this is America. Just because you get the most votes doesn't mean you win." - Fox Mulder

"It was so funny when the cop pulled me over (for speeding), I was driving a Mercedes and the first thing the cop asks me is, 'Is this your parents car?'" - Teemu Selanne

"You, shut the fuck up, and you, pour more beer in her eye!" - Guido

"Yeah, I�m cocky and I am arrogant. But that doesn�t mean I�m not a nice person." - Jeremy Roenick

"I want to share something with you � the three little sentences that will get you through life: Number one, 'Cover for me.' Number two, 'Oh, good idea, boss.' Number three, 'It was like that when I got here.'" - Homer Simpson

"No no. You don�t get to tell me, what to do, ever again." - Lester Burnham

"[Jeremy Roenick] is a goon, that's the bottom line. I hate him and have no respect for him. He's an idiot." - Jeff O'Neill

"Dude, if that�s what�s waiting in Hell, sign me up!" - Mom, in reference to Krycek

"Y'know Amanda, it's a lot like chocolate cake. At first you want the chocolate cake but after a while it's like, 'NO MORE CHOCOLATE CAKE!!'" - Monica F.

"If there isn't substantial progress, hear me loud and clear, Mr. Corkery. You are to be here on May 9 with your toothbrush." - Southeast Town Justice James Borkowski

"Exactly how fast is fast as fuck?"

"I am tired, tired of this and that, let's go have a beer." - Theo Fleury

"I hope he fails out of school, and then gets hit by a bus, and then it rains." - Seth

"Or maybe they were Canadians after all, and sheltered from the more mindboggling acts of their neighbors to the South." - Jack Womack

"This coffee better obey the First Law of Thermodynamics pretty damn quick." - Frinky

"There is no doubt that genius lasts longer than beauty." - Oscar Wilde

"I've heard cats fuck with more harmony that that!" - Andrew "Dice" Clay

"Way to make a run at Chicago, you fruitastic bastards!" - Chris

"Together we were nothing but a menace, apart we were nothing but lonely." - Gordon Downie

"I love NyQuil, man, I LOVE IT! It's the best shit ever invented isn't it? I love the box alone: capital N small Y BIG FUCKING Q! I love that fucking Q don't you? What a great advertising idea, put a huge fucking Q on the box!" - Denis Leary
"It's the moonshine of medicine." - Lewis Black

"I�d wake up in the middle of the night with my fists in balls, just hating him and hating him. He was definitely on my 11-year-old hit list." - Enrico Ciccone, on Dale Hunter

"Flip off, flip you, flippin' A, flip 'em, flip 'em off, flip me, flip the world, flip school, flip engineering, flip, get off my flippin' computer before I flip you up bad." - Shelley

"Speak before you think." - Frinky

"To steal ideas from one person would be plagarism. To steal ideas from many is called research."

"He's more like Lewis Black than anyone I know." - Raff

"I learned long ago if you don't need, you can't be disappointed." - Alex Krycek

"How many problems have we done that you say, 'Oh, that happens all the time'?" - Jeff Gilbert

"An example of harmful code might be, what, a program that keeps track of what hardware changes the make to your computer and sends it to some major corporation in Redmond, Washington?" � Leo Laport

"Coffee; there's a drug nobody talks about. You're worried about Colombian drug lords? How 'bout Juan Valdez?" - Jamie Buchman

"I guess there was a time there was talk that you could never win in the playoffs with Brett Hull, and all of a sudden you win a Cup and..." - Brett Hull
"Did you just refer to yourself in the third person? That's cool." - Brendan Shanahan
"I am trying to give myself a pat on the back." - Brett Hull
"One hundred playoff goals, you can do that." - Brendan Shanahan

"Because, like, 99 times out of 10 it's true!" - Josh

"A fool and his money are my favorite date."

"The voices in my head are telling you to fuck off." - Sgt. Bill

"You ever seen a real she-male?" - Raff

"But, for me, stories like Lincoln's -- the life he led, the times he lived in -- are vivid reminders that some U.S. residents are ungrateful and unaware of the blood, smarts and sacrifice that it took so they could open their garages by pushing a button and earn millions by making a movie like Jackass." - John Buccigross

"I am ten times smarter than everyone else in this game. Beyond a shadow of a doubt." - Brett Hull

"You can't put the puck in the net, if you can't get to the net fast enough!" - Don Cherry

"The NHL has one simple problem with its current 82-game schedule: it's too damn long." - E.J. Hradek