This page used to be called Karin's straight-edge page, but since I'm now
close to thirty, I thought I should be a bit more relevant. Am I still
straight-edge, yes. But I prefer to call myself drug and alcohol free.
Why, not real sure, I guess because I am not active in the hardcore scene
anymore and I'm certainly not still trying to find "my identity."
I grew up in a normal house (when it came to drinking), parents had wine
with dinner and beer at BBQ's. I'm sure my brother experimented with things,
but I never knew. As long as he never got into Pink Floyd, we were okay.
Had some experience in late middle school and early high school where I
had sip of wine (and puked) and smoked once. It never did anything for
me. It made the people around me apathetic. Why I bothered to try it, I
guess the peer pressure bullshit. New school, new people, wanting to be
cool. The usual teen bullshit. But the difference between myself and majority
of my friends is that I did it once. Most of my friends back then smoked
a lot of pot (thanks JW, EG, ZC for being clean and giving me some sanity!).
When I saw how apathetic they got, it really started to piss me off. What
the fuck is the point of burning out? You are hiding your emotions instead
of feeling them and dealing with it. Some started dropping acid, taking
shrooms' , etc. The more intense they got, the more defiant I got that
I did not want that shit around me and I did not wanting my friends wasting
their lives away.
My boyfriend at the time and I would get into these huge blowup fights
because I felt he was smoking too much. He wasn't him when he was high,
but to him, I guess being high was who he was. Inside I knew I was wasting
myself hanging out with him and getting so upset because he didn't call.
I loved him, but I hated what he did in his time. Arrested and continued
to smoke, if there is no stronger indicator of an addict. I never will
ever buy the theory that pot is not addictive. Maybe it's not physiologically
addictive, but it is definitely psychologically addictive. Before I threw
myself off a cliff, I got very active in Positive Force DC and started
taking the metro to Northern VA on Saturday mornings to attend meetings.
During these times I felt like I was around people who were intelligent,
who didn't want to spend their spare time with a burning ember in their
hand, who knew there was more to life that getting trashed. Positive Force
was the best thing that could have happened to me as a teenager. I met
some of the coolest people in the world, helped organize protests, worked
security at Fugazi benefits (and met Rat Sound, shit yeah!), saw so many
great in-stores and was highly active in the "scene."
But I still continued to hang out with these people because they were my
friends. When I became a senior in high school I started befriending a
lot of younger kids, 15 or so. They were straight (at first) and a hell
of a lot of fun to be around. HS boyfriend and I broke up and these people
became my world. Went to shows, hung out on the weekends, hot tub parties,
band practice, we had a lot of fun and it was all drug/alcohol free. Eventually
they got to college and went the traditionally route, but we did have a
lot of fun back then.
College was a nightmare. I hated being around these fucks who just wanted
to get drunk all the time. Whose entire social lives revolved around the
next beer or the next joint. Going to the bars for ladies night and telling
stories of hooking up with some random guy. The whole thing made me want
to puke. It was at this time that I think I started to hermit myself a
bit. I had a very few friends and in late '95 met my future husband at
a hardcore show in Philly.
The hardcore scene was a big factor in my life for many years. Going to
and traveling to shows, hanging out with friends, seething at the bullies
in the scene, laughing at the extremists. In that scene, being burned out
was not acceptable. Having casual sex was not accepted. And you probably
think, Jesus fucking Christ, what a bunch of prude fucks. We had very high
respect for what we put in our bodies (including our genitals!) and you
might not think it, but we had a fuck of a lot of fun. Childish fun, but
fun none the less.
As I get older I try and stay away from the whole bar scene. That is an
ultimate nightmare. Even going to a lot of shows, there is just too much
smoke and too many annoying drunks. And it is unfortunate, it has made
us cut back on the shows we go to. My husband has the occasional beer,
which doesn't bother me. It is just the excess. It is when people need
it to have fun or to forget.
The title of this page is "Different Strokes for Different Folks",
a line in Everyday People. I firmly people that you
have the right to do what you want as long as you aren't hurting other
people (or animals). Do I feel abnormal because I don't engage in this
shit, maybe, but I know I have control over myself, and I know apathy is
not something on the menu anytime soon. Your body, your choice.