The place 494 had assigned us was a one-story, five-room affair. It was rather run-down, but it was obvious that someone had made an effort to make it livable. A mattress had been placed in each bedroom and a tattered sofa occupied the large living room. A table with only three chairs instead of the standard four took up the kitchen area and a shower curtain had been hung up in the bathroom. I was impressed by the work that had been done considering the number of buildings that similar arrangements must have been done to in order to house all the transgenics in Terminal City. Obviously Max hadn’t lied about everyone doing their part.

After 494 had left, Kira and I decided to go back to our old place and collect the few possessions we owned. We reported to Max to inform her of our plan, then cautiously snuck out of Terminal City.

It wasn’t terribly difficult to acquire our things and return without being noticed by the police, but it was harder than normal. Apparently, they had been at a standoff with the transgenics for over a week now and all that they could do was patrol the perimeter and try to keep the “mutants” confined. At least, that was what I overheard on a police radio as I waited for one to pass.

So now I was stretched out on the sofa, thinking. I wasn’t much of a sleeper normally and I definitely did not think I would be able to sleep at present. There was simply too much I had to think over.

Like how 494 had been right in a way when he had told me those months ago that we could not be totally free as long as we had to hide what we were. I had become distinctly aware of that after he had let me go free. But now, that was different. In Terminal City, no one had to hide the fact that they were a genetically engineered freak designed by a covert government agency. Now that I thought about it, I realized that I felt like a burden had been lifted from me. As long as we were inside the fence of Terminal City, there was no need to worry about hiding our abilities, no reason to hide the telltale barcode.

However, despite this, we were trapped here. Free and trapped at the same time by what we were. I supposed we could escape if we were wanted to, but where would we go if we did? No, there wasn’t anywhere for us to hide anymore. Not really. Not now that everyone knew about us.

That breeding cult business was another thing I had to turn over. The creator of Manticore had been part of a breeding cult?

I decided to put that subject aside until I knew more.

So, that left...494. He had obviously turned over C.O. status to 452/Max, who in herself was an enigma as one of the ‘09 escapees. But I could accept her. Somehow the wiring in my brain could comprehend 452 and her behavior. She had been on the outside for over ten years after all. And as an escapee, she would want to share her freedom with her fellow Manticore soldiers. Just as I had wanted to share mine with 494. But 494 himself was completely incomprehensible to me. How submissive he was to 452, his casual attitude towards blowing off a mission, all very out of character for the 494 that I had known. And yet, they didn’t diminish him in my eyes at all. Even though these changes chipped away at his perfect soldier status, they only opened yet another facet to the complex 494 I had glimpsed previously. Maybe it was the feline DNA, but I was horribly curious about that real 494 that lay buried either behind cold eyes or a carefree attitude.

“Honey, I’m home.”

494’s voice startled me. I jumped up from my stretched-out position on the sofa and readied myself for anything instinctively before my brain registered 494’s voice and I relaxed. He smirked at my reaction.

“Did you miss me?” he asked, winking at me.

He set down a large bucket of gas and came over to sit down on the arm of the sofa. I slowly, sat back down in the middle.

“Startled you, did I?” he questioned with a grin, then added to himself, “Still got it.”

I was about to reply when Kira stomped out of the left-hand bedroom. She glared at me, avoiding looking at 494 like she still was not accustomed to his presence and therefore could not acknowledge him.

“Some of us need to sleep once in awhile.” she glowered.

“Sorry.” I replied.

“Some of us enjoyed the no fraternizing after lights out rule.”

“Sorry.”

“Some of us...” she paused and her eyes snapped to 494 when she realized he was mocking her by making talking motions with his hand and putting on a whiny face.

494 froze when he realized he’d been caught. I bit back a smile, knowing it would only make things worse.

Kira looked about to snap at 494. She opened her mouth, but no words came out. Instead, she spun on her heel and went back to bed. I guessed that she couldn’t bring herself to snap at the former C.O.. 494 looked amused.

“She sounds like Max.” he commented, looking in the direction Kira had gone.

“She doesn’t like her sleep interrupted.” I nodded.

494 turned to me, slipping off the arm of the sofa and onto the seat cushion next to me.

“So, Jess. How’s the outside been treating you?” he asked conversationally.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Why had I said that?

“I have that effect on people.” he grinned.

I shook my head and continued despite the fact that I still wasn’t sure why I was telling him this.

“I couldn’t shake that look in your eyes. And I worried about you. I know I shouldn’t have. You can take care of yourself. But I couldn’t help it because whatever happened to you would be because of me.”

“We talked about this already.” he interrupted, but I stubbornly persisted.

“It was like I had gotten back at you even though I didn’t want to anymore. It was like because I had wanted to so much before, it had to happen no matter how much I wanted to stop it. And you, you were so tortured already.” I paused to take a deep breath before forcing myself to continue. I wasn’t one to get all emotional, but I felt like I had to share my feelings with 494, “You were always so much better than me at everything. The only thing I had up on you was that I could feel. Feel like they didn’t want us to. But then, all of a sudden, you could do that better than me, too. And because of how much better you were, you hurt so much more. And suddenly I felt bad for not being able to shoulder as much pain as you, not being able to at least understand your pain. I never even knew we could love.”

I felt my voice breaking and had to pause again.

“Jess...” 494 began quietly.

“I wanted to save you.” I said quickly, “But I couldn’t. Chalk up another failure to 613. But the worst part was that I couldn’t feel bad for myself after seeing how much pain you were in.”

I felt myself crying and cursed myself silently. It was so confusing how I felt about 494. I couldn’t even understand it myself. The line between love and hate had been wiped out and I was being caught up in a whirlwind of both. And yet, I hadn’t even known that he meant so much to me. I had never even expected to see him again.

I was startled by the feeling of his arms around me. He didn’t hold me tightly, ready to withdraw at a moment’s notice, but the gesture overflowed with meaning.

“I’m sorry.” he whispered.

“Please, don’t.” I replied, instantly feeling worse because he had felt the need to apologize to me.

“No, I am. I never meant to make a lasting impact on anyone. Just a brief moment in the long list of memories. Somehow I screwed up with you.”

He stopped speaking abruptly and I looked at him questioningly. He released me from him arms and folded them across his chest. He didn’t look at me.

“You, Max,...Rachel. I screwed up with all of you and all of you got hurt.”

He bit down on his lip, splitting the skin, and my sharp eyes caught a slight tremble in his body.

“Alec?” I ventured, searching for his gaze.

He looked up slightly and his eyes locked with mine. He looked lost, confused, and badly hurt. Like a child that has crushed a bug without the understanding that the action would kill the creature and then does not understand what it did wrong.

It was only a second before he tore his eyes away and looked back at the floor.

“I try to do the right thing. I try not to let anyone get hurt, but somehow I keep screwing up. It seems like all I do is screw up!” he pounded a fist on the arm of the sofa in frustration.

I was confused. Perfect 494 a screw up? No, that wasn’t right. I was the screw up, not him. Something was wrong with the world if that wasn’t true.

Softly, I began to speak again, very careful of my words.

“You didn’t screw up with me. You opened my eyes. You changed me. I’m glad you requested that assignment, 494.”

He looked up at me. I could see in his eyes that he was afraid to believe me, afraid that there was no truth in my words. I silently try to convince him with my own steady gaze back at him.

“Alec.” he corrected softly.

“Alec.” I repeated.

Suddenly, I felt his lips brushing mine. I had a sudden flashback to the last time 494 had kissed me.

But this was nothing like that aside from the fact that I once again froze because I wasn’t sure how to react.

“I’m sorry.” he said quickly, pulling away abruptly and moving to leave.

I wanted to tell him not to go, but I couldn’t speak. Instead, I watched helplessly as he walked out the door.

Why had he done that? As if I wasn’t confused enough.