I watched Alec sleep for a long time. How long, I wasn’t sure. I seemed to have lost all sense of time. I wasn’t even sure if it was day or night. Truthfully, I didn’t care. I would much rather suspend time, put off dealing with the repercussions of the attack on Terminal City.

I pushed the hair off of Alec’s forehead. For a brief moment I wondered what my life would be like if I’d never met him at all. If maybe I was a normal person and not some strange science experiment. But that was only for a second before I made myself get a grip on cold, hard reality.

The aftermath of this attack could possibly be as bad as the attack itself. Our haven for transgenics had been destroyed and we had no other asylum. We obviously couldn’t stay here. CAT knew this place now. But where could we go? Where were hundreds of transgenics going to hide in a world that wanted us dead?

I was immensely glad that I wasn’t Max and this decision didn’t fall to me.

Alec mumbled something in his sleep and his brow furrowed. He looked like he was having a bad dream. I stroked his cheek, trying to soothe him, but it didn’t seem to help much. He began to shift back and forth as if he was trying to get away from what he was dreaming.

“Alec. Alec, it’s alright.” I called to him.

“Rachel.” he muttered.

He sighed and stopped struggling. I wasn’t sure what to feel. He’d mistaken my voice for Rachel’s, the woman he had loved and killed.

Suddenly, Alec began stirring again, but this time it wasn‘t just tossing and turning. He shook with growing violence. He was having a seizure. I looked around frantically, trying to locate something that would help him. I knew that the seizures experienced by X-5’s were a result of low levels of serotonin. We needed something to supplement that serotonin or we had a seizure. Some had it worse than others. I was lucky enough to be one of the few that rarely experienced a seizure. I wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because of the medications that Manticore had been giving us since we were children. Maybe I had responded to the treatment well. Whatever the reason, I never really knew how to react to the condition in others.

“Alec, wake up.”

I shifted, pulling my leg out from under him, hoping the absence of his pillow would help him to wake up. He let out a shaky groan and opened his eyes.

“A seizure. Just great. In the bathroom, under the sink, I put a bottle of Tryptophan. Go grab it, will you?” Alec asked, his voice halting and jerky.

I nodded and pulled myself to my feet. Instantly, I felt dizzy. The room swam before my eyes. I took a few deep breaths before moving past Alec and over to the bathroom next door. My hands clutched the sink to steady myself as soon as I was able to reach it. I looked in the mirror. It was cracked at the top, like something had hit it. I looked like hell.

Taking another deep breath, I knelt and opened the cabinet beneath the sink. A white bottle was the only thing inside. I grabbed it and started back to Alec, hoping that if I got it over with quickly, I would go through less pain. I crumpled next to Alec and struggled to open the bottle. My own hands were starting to shake from nervousness and as an aftereffect of the physical exertion it had taken to get them. Finally, white pills spilled into my hand.

“How many?” I asked.

He didn’t respond, simply snatching all the pills in my hand and dropping them in his mouth. He dry swallowed, his eyes focused firmly on the ceiling. He had pulled himself into a sitting position in the spot I had previously occupied, leaning back against the door frame. I moved closer to him and wrapped my arms around him, trying to steady him with what strength I had.

“Do you have these a lot?” I asked him.

“N...not usually. I think Max and her ‘sibs’ got the worst of it because they split before Manticore started the treatments. I only have them maybe once or twice a year. No big deal, really.”

I smiled slightly at his attempt to brush off even his seizures. I rested my head on his shaking shoulder.

“How about you?” he asked.

“I hardly ever get them. I haven’t had one in two and a half years.”

“That’s nice.” Alec closed his eyes briefly, “Look, Jess. I know that you want to go and check on Kira, but...could you just wait for maybe a little while. You know, until this stupid seizure is over and I’m back to my usual charming self.”

He flashed a hint of his usual grin.

“I’m not going anywhere.” I assured him.

“I knew it. Can’t resist me.”

I smiled. His seizures were slightly less violent now. The Tryptophan was starting to kick in.

“So, what are Familiars?” I spoke up after a moment of silence.

“Oh, them. Familiars would be those wack guys that you shoot and don’t hurt. They’re part of that breeding cult I told you about. The ones that want transgenics dead. They’ve been selectively breeding for hundreds of years to become as strong and as fast as we are. Only problem is that they don’t feel pain like we do. Plus, we kind of piss them off what with having all their traits with none of the centuries of work. CAT must be filled with them which is definitely bad news for us.”

That explained the CAT soldiers I had run into. I accepted this information and processed it in silence. Once again, I did not envy Max her position.

“How’s your stomach?” I asked finally, changing the subject.

“Fine.” he replied shortly.

He sounded tired.

“You can go to sleep again if you want.”

“No, I’m alright.”

“You’ll heal faster if you sleep.”

“I’m fine.”

“Alec.”

“I said I’m fine.” he repeated, but his voice lacked any conviction.

I said nothing and within minutes his eyes closed and his head fell back against the doorframe. His breathing slowed. He was asleep again and his seizures were dying down. By the time he woke up, they would probably be over with.

I should go to the infirmary to see Kira now, but I thought back on the last time I had moved and decided against it. I would rest a little longer and maybe when Alec woke up, we could go there together. That way he could check on Max. And I could thank Krit for looking out for my friend. He really was a good guy.

Alec shook only faintly now. I hardly noticed anymore. I was relieved that the seizures weren’t very bad. Alec was injured already, he didn’t need bad seizures on top of that.

“I need you here, too, you know.” I whispered to him, “I don’t know what’s going to happen to all of us now, but I can’t go back to the way things were before. You’ve ruined that for me. I need you now. Kira may not like it, but I didn’t ask for it to happen. All of a sudden, you meant something to me. It’s your fault, really. You were the one who had to take that mission. You were the one who had to bring us here and be so understanding. You were the one who had to actually care about me. Now look at me. I can hardly even think of living without you. That’s not something Manticore would encourage, you know. It has to be your doing.”

I sighed deeply, enjoying the feel of my head on his shoulder.

“I just wish everything wasn’t so hard. I wish this could be simple. I could just tell you I feel the way I do and you could tell me what you feel without any weird history between us. Without any life and death situations getting in the way. Without your tragic past experiences making it so difficult for you to feel strongly about anyone. That’s one thing about Manticore. Everything was pretty simple there. You did what you were told. You didn’t feel anything about anyone. The only person you were supposed to care about was yourself. Only problem was they didn’t create us that way. We’re still human. At least, I think we are.”

Alec continued to sleep peacefully, not shaking at all anymore. I sighed again and closed my eyes.